Jesus I was browsing through some old threads and found this gem recommended as being "so bad, it's good."
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https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9337994/1/USA-vs-the-Batarian-hegemony)
It is just...so, so stupid. The dude who wrote it has self-admitted he spend "all of elementary and middle school working his way through spec ed" but I'm convinced this fit was satire. Here's a little run down of what happens.
- SpaceX becomes the first company worth quadrillions. That's right. 15 zeroes. They build a space elevator to the moon in 2016
- American military technology becomes inconceivably advanced under the Howling administration, who promises to stop American soldiers from dying by starting more wars.
- Delta Force operatives kill 120 Mexican special forces on Mexican soil. Somehow, this doesn't end in war. Mexico demands 1 trillion in reparations, but considering inflation it's probably worth 3 peanuts and a cigarette.
- Unnamed terrorists decide to nuke the space elevator but are thwarted.
- The terrorists, numbering in the thousands, are reported as "resisting" are a put down with multiple shots to the head as a demonstration.
- In other news, women can join special forces which is...nice, I guess?
- Earth loses contact with mars.
- The Secretary of State suggests a peaceful solution to whatever did that. The President lambasts him in front of the joint chiefs and tells the navy to mobilize and equip their boats with .50 cals.
- troops mobilize on the ground to fight the enemy...in space.
- Elon Musk invents a translator device for the Batarians, which will provide a ruff[sic] translation of their language.
- The Batarians enter orbit, and receive a transmission from earth. They're blasting the Star-Spangled Banner.
- The army uses the space elevator to board the enemy ships.
- Whatever ships they can't board, they nuke.
- The End(?)