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A Penguin Plays RULE THE WAVES

45.1 WAR! - Cruiser Action vs Austria-Hungary

bluepencil

Indentured Artist
Author

A bunch of Destroyers?!
How is this Cruiser action?

(DD Dorado 1) Hi-ho!
(DD Dorado 1) Hi-ho!
(DD Destructor) It's off to war we go!


Oh that's why.

(DD Dorado 1) Hi-ho!
(DD Dorado 2) Hi-ho!
(DD Destructor) Espy the enemy we do!


(DD Dorado 1) Hi-ho!
(DD Dorado 2) Hi-ho!
(DD Destructor) A lot of them oh no!


Turrrn arround.

(DD Dorado 1) Hi-ho!
(DD Dorado 2) Hi-ho!
(DD Destructor) NOPE.
(DD Dorado 1) Nope to it.
(DD Dorado 2) We go!


(DD Dorado 1) Hi-ho!
(DD Dorado 2) Hi-ho!
(DD Destructor) We're off to GTFO!


(DD Dorado 1) Nope.
(DD Dorado 2) Eh nope!
(DD Destructor) Eff this shite we're OUUUT!


Yeah that ended up about as good as could be expected.
 
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45.2 AAR - Cruiser Action vs Austria-Hungary

bluepencil

Indentured Artist
Author

So here's the after action report.


At around 12:00 we made contact with the enemy.

Almost immediately our ships turned around.

The enemy pursued for around fifteen minutes or so, then at some point thought "IT'S A TRAP" and decided to GTFO themselves.

Before 12:00 is done our DDs were back inside the docks and their crew sipping hot choco. The whole thing didn't even take an hour.



Truly, an inspiring lesson on cowardice.
 

Alias

Bean Daddy
Moderator
So who has the better navy, Spain or Austria?
 

bluepencil

Indentured Artist
Author
So who has the better navy, Spain or Austria?
Spain has better ships but Austria has more ships. Spain's navy is stacked towards the high end, with more battleships and the Adobo-class being an excellent cruiser for the price. Austria-Hungary's cruisers try to carry more gun at expense of their armor being basically paper.

Unfortunately their lighter faster lineup is kinda shit. You've seen the Lechon, which is useless. The Furiosa, which is the fastest Light Cruiser afloat but compromises some on armor and armament (though not very much compared to other Light Cruisers). Austria-Hungarians have more ships toting masses of 6" guns... but again with paper armor.

DDs are equally meh and completely unarmored across all nations, but there's not as many of them.


You'll see what this means in a head-on clash soon.
 
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46.0 WAR! - April 1904

bluepencil

Indentured Artist
Author

Hmm. Points of note:
1) Britain has rebuilt the Aboukir. I should go see if Worthlessbote has become marginally useful in any capacity.

... nope. You're still useless.

There's no point even putting up the screencap, it would waste my max images in post limit.

2) We're blockading Austria-Hungary! Nice.
We're getting victory points without even doing anything.


We can even just choose not to engage in any battles because we could keep chucking ships in there.
As soon as our MineSweepers are finished building and worked up, we could have them replace Destroyers in Northern Europe for patrol duties.

Then chuck the Destroyers into the Mediterranean to keep overmatching their number of ships.

I'm pretty sure they have more ships than us though.
Does this Blockade mechanic figure in total tonnage?


Ah. I see. I have local naval superiority because some of their ships are in Northern Europe.

I left a Battleship in there, so this is not exactly a pressing issue.


Hmm. Should I?
Do we actually want to keep Albania?


Nations with Oil.

...

Austria-Hungary

*deep breath*

[FREEDOMIZING INTENSIFIES]
 
47.1 WAR - May 1904

bluepencil

Indentured Artist
Author
Nothing else for this month, so let's roll to the next.



Nice! We're kind of late to this technology.

Everyone's been rebuilding their ships as soon as this arrived. Even Britain with their pointless Aboukir.

It's a bit expensive though. 400k for four months down in the yard.
It's heavy enough that it would require reducing the number of rounds carried per gun for our Adobo-class from 135 rounds to 125 to free up the tonnage.


[HELLDIVER INTENSIFIES]


YEESS.

'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO!
 

bluepencil

Indentured Artist
Author
47.2 WAR! - Fleet Battle off Linosa - May 1904

bluepencil

Indentured Artist
Author

So where are we?
Which of these islands is Linosa?

It's heavily raining AGAIN?!



Where?


Oh shite!

Everybody turn turn turn before we crash or eat a torpedo at pointblank range!


THIS IS THE DUMBEST OF DUMB LUCK THAT WE ARE AT ALL ABLE TO FIND EACH OTHER IN THIS STUPID RAIN!

(CA Adobo) Ugh we just narrowly avoided turning to crashing into each other.
(CA Adobo) Could barely see anything but the silhouette of a ship.


There's these these two Austria-Hungarian Light Cruisers plunging through our battle line like a badass and all we can do is to maneuver to keep from crashing into each other..

They're so close if we miss with our heavy guns we're going to be hitting our own thinly armored ships.
And obviously we can't put fish in the water unless we want to torpedo ourselves!

(B Barquillo) Opening fire on the enemy Light Cruiser at the edge of the formation.
(B Barquillo) Ladron, SLOW DOWN or you'll get into my line of fire!


The Szgetzivar and the Aspern weaved through our formation like a boss.
The Zenta rather than opening the range decided to go full tilt towards our battleships at ramming speed.

(CA Adobo) Lost sight of the enemy Armored Cruiser.


The Zenta managed to pull away without crashing.
Dayum I can't malign the cojones of these Austria-Hungarians.

(B Barbarella) Mierda mierda mierdaaaa!
(B Baraco) *sounds of screeching metal*

(CL Ladron) Ouchies. I've taken damage already?!
 
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Lord Kragan

The one and only Lord of Mutton Chops.
Author
>Heavily raining.
>In the mediterranean.
>Frequently.

Now that is truly alternate history there.
 

bluepencil

Indentured Artist
Author
>Heavily raining.
>In the mediterranean.
>Frequently.

Now that is truly alternate history there.
What's the Poseidonese equivalent for Kamikaze?

Or should we be making offerings to Aquaman?
 
47.3 WAR! - Fleet Battle off Linosa - May 1904

bluepencil

Indentured Artist
Author

Flotation damage already. Those are belt hits.

(CL Ladron) Of course they're belt hits. At this range there isn't anything except belts to hit!
(CL Ladron) ... I have tiny tiny turrets.


(B Barbarella) *lower belt edge hit*
(B Barbarella) Case in point, I guess.

(CA Adobo) Turning around to help.
(CA Adobo) Light Cruisers are my prey.


(CA Adobo) We're losing sight of them in the rain again.
(CA Adobo) But a Battleship sticking too close is risking a torpedo.
(CA Adobo) Screening is MY job, don't worry about it.

(DD Destructor 2) No, it's kinda mine?
(DD Destructor) You job-stealer!


(DD Destructor 2) We found more enemy ships!
(DD Destructor) Yay?

(CA Adobo) From last reported position that's the Aspern, isn't it?


(CA Adobo) Calamba, Laguna it turned into me!
(B Baraco) Oops it flinched from my shell splashes.

*craaaaaaash*


Ouch. I was wondering how long before this happened.


(CA Adobo) That wasn't so bad.

You're more sturdily built as designed.


(DD Dorado 3) Zoinks! Found the main force off heading North-North East off to the East, I think!
(B Baraco) Unknown ship just appeared off my stern. Taking fire.


That seems a trifle big for a DD.

Or it's just that the Barquillo class is so smol and cute.

(B Barquillo) [DWARVEN GRUDGES INTENSIFY]



Ships zigging this way and that! Shells splashing all over the place! Rain!
Total chaos!

(CA Adobo) AAAAAAAAA.
 
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47.4 WAR! - Fleet Battle off Linosa - May 1904

bluepencil

Indentured Artist
Author

(CL Ladron) I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING!

Get out of my screen, Ladron!


(DD Dorado 3) OH SHEEPS I JUST FOUND A BATTLESHIP!

(CA Adobo) AAAAAAAAA
(B Baraco) RRRRRGGGHHH


(CA Adobo) Jesus Cristo!
(B Baraco) How- how did we get through that?

(B Barquillo) ADOBO LOOK WHERE YOU'RE GOING!
(CA Adobo) NOT AGAIIINN!!!


What's with these popups all of a sudden?

Are you conveniently trying to censor a gruesome sight?!


(CA Adobo) I AM A LEAF IN THE WIND!
(B Barquillo) Who are you calling so short you can just jump over me you asshole?!

(DD Dorado 2) Dakka dakka dakka! Ping ping ping!
(DD Dorado 3) None of this shooting is making me feel any better!


(DD Dorado 3) *turret explodes*
(DD Dorado 3) Ow this was a bad idea.

(DD Dorado 2) Fish in the wate-

(B Baraco) *incoming*

(DD Dorado 2) I can't do ittt!!!


Wait, isn't the Baraco a Barqullio-class?

(B Baraco) Ow that stings!

Like the one we forgot to adjust and only has six inches of CT armor?!

What's this battleship with the long name?


Wow it's like the Austria-Hungarians saw our Barbacoa and Barquillo class with their three gun armament and decided to make them Worse in Every Possible Way.


Ships vanished into the rain sheet again.

Meanwhile, down south, CA Adobo has found and is trading fire with an Armored Cruiser.

(CA Adobo) This is fine. We know their CAs are armed with magic six-inch guns.


THAT IS NOT AN ARMORED CRUISER!

(CA Adobo) Turn turn turn get into a chase fight instead of a full broadside...!
 
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47.5 WAR! - Fleet Battle off Linosa - May 1904

bluepencil

Indentured Artist
Author

The Habsburg is identical to the Franz Ferdinand class.
Nine inch guns aren't specially dangerous to our pre-Dreadnoughts, but it is quite dangerous to our Armored Cruisers with their mere 5" of armor.


This is why, even though it might possibly be a mistake, I laid down the Lechon Kawali class as a midline between the Adobo and the Furiosa class.

Three nine-inch guns aren't that much better than four eight-inch guns, but they're cheaper than the Adobos.

So while the Adobo has volume of fire with its four eight-inchers, the Lechon Kawali can lay down fire from a distance. The Adobo is 9500 tons, the Lechon Kawali is just 6300. It is a very cheap mini Battlecruiser. In fact if I increase the armor any further, the designer insists it's a Battleship.

I could have gone for dual ten inchers though. The Lechon Kawali might be the only one of her class, I might end up ripping out the turrets to replace with single-gun 12-inchers.

Nine inches get a pass from me because even if it's not an even number, it's beautifully divisible.
There's only so few perfectly balanced numbers at this range. There's 2 x 2, then 3 x 3.

* . * . *
* . * . *
* . * . *

The next one out is sixteen. 4 x 4.

* . * . * . *
* . * . * . *
* . * . * . *
* . * . * . *

Unfortunately 4-inch guns are quite meh really.

Your navy is not a Borg Cube, good sir.


Which one is Battle Division Five?!


I don't think the computer can do a whole lot worse in this tangled mess, to be honest.


(DD Destructor 2) Fish in the water!

(DD Destructor) Blam blam blam blam!

(DD Destructor 2) Be honest.

(DD Destructor) Our guns are three-inchers. Fiiine.
(DD Destructor) ponk ponk ponk ponk!

We lost sight of the battleship. And the cruisers. And the destroyers.
And everything.


What even is my purpose in life?

(DD Destructor) Ow ow oww! Popguns hurt!
(DD Destructor 2) That's not a Destroyer... that's a Zenta!

(DD Dorado 3) What even is hitting me?!


(CA Adobo) Come on! Why isn't anyone getting this Battleship off my back?

(DD Destructor 2) A Battleship closing in! I already wasted my torpedo run!

Three nine-inch versus four eight-inch is faring quite surprisingly well.
 
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47.6 WAR! - Fleet Battle off Linosa - May 1904

bluepencil

Indentured Artist
Author

The Dorados are faffing about off to nowhere.
Get back here. You too, Ladron!


If that's 1600 yards, then B Habsburg is 'throw a baseball and hit the other deck' distance.

Adobo why are you engaging something so far away...
(which is nevertheless at practically pointblank range in naval terms...)
... instead of the Battleship right next to you?!

(CA Adobo) My main guns can't depress that far!

Hory shet, we're getting all Sammy B. Roberts in here.


Baraco and Barquillo are engaging.

(B Baquillo) BARUK KHAZAD!
(B Baraco) KHAZAD AI MENU!
(B Barquillo) HAMON AND CHEESE TWO PESOS! TORTILLAS FIFTY SENTIMO!


Seriously? Everybody's just focusing fire on that one B.


Barbarella's our biggest battlewagon.
Have at it, ya big beauty!

(B Barbarella) WHAPOW!


Ladron, why.

(CL Ladron) I... I just wanted to feel includeeeed!


(DD Dorado 3) Wait for us!
(DD Dorado 2) Stand in front of us, pls.


(DD Dorado 3) Torpedooo!
(DD Dorado 3) Missed!

(B Barbarella) Lost targeting solution in the rain again!

Everybody's fighting at less than two thousand yards and yet everybody's also missing almost all of their shots.
This would be amazing if it wasn't so inutile.


Look at that tight grouping.
Sure, it didn't hit anything. But CA Adobo is consistently the best shot in the fleet.
 
47.7 WAR! - Fleet Battle off Linosa - May 1904

bluepencil

Indentured Artist
Author

Looks like after getting broadsided by two smol Battleships, the Habsburg decided to NOPE right out of there.


How do you guys keep misidentifying these things as DDs? They are yuge, yuge Light Cruisers!

Look at that! The Szgetvar is even bigger than the Battleship Ezrherherglarg Franz Ferdinand!


It's basically -
See enemy-> Shoot ONCE -> Lose sight of the enemy -> See enemy -> rinse and repeat.

This rain curtain is so heavy that ships are blinking in and out of existence.

Angels would weep!


The Barbarella is quite alone.
Even though she is the most powerful ship afloat in this battle, we might need to beware a sudden suicide torpedo run from those Light Cruisers surrounding her.


Everybody, move in to assist.


And I mean EVERYBODY.

(CL Ladron) Woo woo!


(DD Destructor 2) I think I saw something shiny over there!

What kind of bloody magpie AI is running your brain wheels?!


(B Barbarella) Ker-blam! Ker-blam! Ker-blam!

(B Barquillo, B Baraco, CA Adobo) Kersploosh! Kersploosh! Kersploosh! Kersploosh!

(CA Adobo) Santisima Trinidad! What kind of Matrix bullet dodging bullshit is this?!

Still pretty impressive multiship shot grouping through.


(B Barbarella) Ker-PLOONNGGG!

Oh shite!
 
47.8 WAR! - Fleet Battle off Linosa - May 1904

bluepencil

Indentured Artist
Author
Okay, that was a belt hit. And thin bow/aft section hits, which is fine. Those areas don't contribute much to buoyancy anyway, they're mostly unarmored for good reason.
Six-inch guns are not as much of a threat compared to the Adobo getting those hits.

She took a nine-hit to the Belt Extended, but it was HE so it didn't do much more than go *phunt* off the steel.
We're seeing some superficial structure damage, that is all.

Those gun performance numbers though... I'm not sure if they're good.
Is 9.5% chance to hit... normal?


Okay. So basically, Barbarella should be able to do about 1.24 shots per minute. I think.

But visibility and sea state is so bad that we're barely able to do .048 shots per minute or about a shot every TWO MINUTES.
... if that is what those percentages mean.


At this range, our 12-inchers should be penetrating everything. If they could just hit.


(B Barbarella) Attempting to cross ahead to deliver broadside gun batteries to bear.

(DD Destructor 2) What a grizzly maneuver!

(B Barbarella) *swings one turret SW*


(CA Adobo) Ka-poom! Ka-poom!
(CA Adobo) Ka-plonk?



(CA Adobo) ... That never happened. You didn't see anything.

(CL Ladron) I heard there are pills for that now.

(CA Adobo) NOTHING LIKE THAT EVER HAPPENED.


(B Barbarella) Crossing the T.
(B Barbarella) I dare you to ram into me.

(CL Ladron) Mighty are her endowments!
(CL Ladron) Punch her in the boob!
(CL Ladron) It's not going to hurt!

(B Barbarella) You pervy little shits.
(B Barbarella) Imma get you after this.

(CL Ladron) You're named Barbarella and you look like out of some pulp comic book cover and you act like Xena-
(CL Ladron) What did you expect to happennn?!

It's 1904.
All of the things you mentioned are decades ahead of you what the hell.
 
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Rufus Shinra

Well-known member
I'm doing another run, and I've noticed something that might be of use to cheese a bit the mechanics: try to focus on heavy cruisers if possible for your active fleet. It's possible to get some pretty decent 10,000 tonnes 8'' or 10'' armed cruisers that will be the bane of light cruisers and destroyers (if you get them armed with enough 5'' secondaries). At which point you can be roughly sure that all your battles will involve them rather than inexistant light cruisers.
 

bluepencil

Indentured Artist
Author
I'm doing another run, and I've noticed something that might be of use to cheese a bit the mechanics: try to focus on heavy cruisers if possible for your active fleet. It's possible to get some pretty decent 10,000 tonnes 8'' or 10'' armed cruisers that will be the bane of light cruisers and destroyers (if you get them armed with enough 5'' secondaries). At which point you can be roughly sure that all your battles will involve them rather than inexistant light cruisers.
I actually did try this in another run with Austria-Hungary vs Italy, and I had a merry time slapping down enemy Cruiser Actions with ONE Armored Cruiser because it and one Battleship were all I could afford to have on Active Fleet. Everything else had to go on patrol duty.

Until the Italians came by with an Armored Cruiser with 10", and even though it had much weaker armor than mine, my by now super veteran CA was the one that lost that exchange.
 

Lord Kragan

The one and only Lord of Mutton Chops.
Author
One day they will hit something. Or else your sanity will fully vanish, given the pace of things.
 

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