A Penguin Plays RULE THE WAVES

[bluepencil]

HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED?

>> BB BARACO> THIS IS INTOLERABLE!

THIS MAKES NO FSCKING SENSE!

>> BB BARACO> I KNOW, RIGHT?!

>> BB BARBARA> I'm sorry Admiral. Sis.
>> BB BARBARA> It's all my fault.

Huh?

>> BB BARACO> What are you talking about?

>> BB BARBARA> Weren't you, like, fighting over why we lost?

Whut.
No of course not.

>> BB BARACO> Yes, we are quite clear on why we lost.

We were too arrogant.

>> BB BARACO> We wasted too much time trying to take down that CA.

We overestimated the value of our armor.

>> BB BARACO> We felt we were invincible.

Hubris is to be punished.

>> BB BARACO> But it turns out our instinct were also partially correct-

So now all we care about -

>> BB BARACO> Is trying to understand this GREAT ITALIAN TALENT -

OF SNATCHING DEFEAT FROM THE JAWS OF VICTORY!

We lost this one, no question.

>> BB BARACO> The question is how in the heck did we even managed to survive without any ships being sunk.

As you can see from the track, contact was made around noon.

BB BARACO and BB BARBARA chased CA VETTOR PISANI north for a while until contact was established with the Italian battlegroup consisting of the Dreadnought BB LEONARDO DA VINCI and two Battleships of the B ROMA class and one Battleship of the B VITTORIO EMANUELE class and a Light Cruiser division consisting of a CL NINO BIXIO class and three DDs of the AQUILONE and NIMBO class.

Until 2:00 BB BARACO and BB BARBARA hammered the CA VETTOR PISANI while the Italian battleship division followed on an oblique angle North West.

And then what followed was a broadside exchange headed due West, with the CA VETTOR PISANI getting in the way between the two Battleship formations.

Meanwhile as you can see from the track, the CL and DD squadron disengaged and went to dock into port.

Trading broadsides, the twelve 12-inch guns of our Dreadnoughts against the 18 + 7 heavy guns of the Italian battlegroup left BB BARBARA flooding from breaches in the hull exacerbated by 20 knot high speeds.

The gun exchange took a turn for the worst when a hit knocked out all electrical power and left BB BARACO dead in the water.

The BB LEONARDO DA VINCI approached as if to deliver the killing blow, but focused fire from BB BARACO and BB BARBARA caused it to reconsider chasing BB BARBARA.

By 16:00, BB BARACO managed to get some movement possible, but at a painfully slow 9 knots that might as well be sitting still.

BB BARBARA was fleeing due west and was out of enemy gun range by 17:00.

BB BARBARA was hammered by heavy guns, alone against four battleships from 16:30 to 18:00, at which point for reasons the enemy decided to turn away.

They ran all the way back to port and docked to safety there.

BB BARACO and BB BARBARA were left alone in the ocean, and BB BARBARA turned back to see if there was anything to be done to help or rescue any survivors if BB BARACO sank.


But not only did BB BARACO NOT SINK, she was able to move away from the battle zone and back into Spain on her own power.


>> BB BARACO> I should have died.

Yeah you should have.

>> BB BARBARA> Admiral!

>> BB BARACO> No, no, that's fair.
>> BB BARACO> I don't get it.
>> BB BARACO> All it would have taken is a couple of torpedoes into my unmoving hulk and I'm done.

>> BB BARBARA> But they... didn't have...
>> BB BARBARA> (amazed) They didn't have torpedo-carrying CLs and DDs.
>> BB BARBARA> Their torpedo squadron fled the battle.

>> BB BARACO> But I know period battleships have submerged torpedo tubes.

>> BB BARBARA> We don't though.

>> BB BARACO> But do they know that?

I don't know about the state of Pasta intelligence, but that's... doubtful.


>> BB BARACO> As night falls, any gunnery could only be done in what is also torpedo range.
>> BB BARACO> At that point blank range, I could be sunk - but I might also get a lucky torpedo into their Dreadnought.
>> BB BARACO> It's hard to see torpedoes in the dark.
>> BB BARACO> BUT I DON'T HAVE UNDERWATER TORPEDO TUBES.
>> BB BARACO> IF THEY JUST HAD THE NERVE - !
>> BB BARACO> I COULD BE SUNK!

Pastas.

>> BB BARACO> Oh, truly, the old saying holds true-
>> BB BARACO> "Not afraid of godlike opponents, only afraid of pig-like teammates"
.

What even the hell is that.

>> BB BARACO> I have no idea.

 

[bluepencil]

Ugh who do even have in the Indian Ocean?

So CA LECHON is now on the way to South East Asia while CA FANTASTICA is on the way to West Africa.
LECHON is a heavier and more powerful ship, so she would be able to deter anything less than a CA trying to raid in the Pacific.

But I know what you're most concerned about:
What about our Battleships?!

As you can see, both of our Dreadnoughts - BB BARACO and BB BARBARA, are in the yards for two months.
For these two months we have NO Battleships.


Though if you look back at the previous After-Action Report:

We at least cause some Medium Damage to their BB LEONARDO DA VINCI, so we can expect their Dreadnought to be out of action for one to two months as well.

>> BB BARACO> You know... since that proves we can hurt their BB in a short while... this is good news for the next encounter.

>> BB BARBARA> We're not depressed. We're not afraid.

There's not much we can do except to bite the bullet and roll.

Let's roll.

 

[bluepencil]

Tolerate... tolerate...

Keep their battlefleet busy guarding against our Heavy Cruisers instead of making expeditions.

Just keep swimming
Gotta keep swimming...

What do you mean they have TWO BB?

 

[bluepencil]

Like what could we have done anyway?
That's not something we can verify right now.

All right. Next turn we might have BBs available again.

Crabapples.

Excellent!
Unlike surface hulls, there is no working-up period.

GO OUT THERE AND WORK!

Going to have to wait a couple of months before these can be of use, but fine.
We need them and are grateful.

I don't want to do this, but...




AN:
I am sorry to report that I am now running low on gasoline funding. Once again, any help at [email protected] would be appreciated. Thank you.

 

[bluepencil]

These arrogant pastas think they have the advantage over us!

FINE THEN! IF WAR IS WHAT THEY WANT, THEN WAR IS WHAT THEY WILL EAT!

We cannot rely on quantity, only quality. Fix this.

Maybe next time I should try a submarine heavy force.

Slim pickings.

Maybe I should abandon Foreign Service duty and send the Furiosa class back home.
What else could the Philippines and Cuba do?

Rebel?

Thank you.

Italy's aggressive actions in the Caribbean will be their downfall.

Do we have the ships for this?

2 BB vs 2 BB and 1 B.

LET'S GO!

 

[bluepencil]

It's BB BARACO and BB BARBARA.
And NO ONE ELSE.

What do we have here?

>> BB BARBARA> Looks like a pair of CLs or DDs.

Helpfully leading us to their battle group.

>> BB BARBARA> Well scouting groups are supposed to make their fleets come into contact instead of trying to avoid battle.

The CLs have joined the formation in a neat battle line.
How do I MAKE my own ships do that?

So orderly. I'm jealous.


>> BB BARACO> More ships means more complexity.
>> BB BARACO> Means more chances for errors!
>> BB BARACO> Us alone are enough!

Don't be an ADOBO.

>> BB BARACO> Ouch that hurts me.

>> BB BARACO> Beginning to give and receive long range fire.

>> BB BARBARA> Did they bring everything in their battlefleet?
>> BB BARBARA> There's even Armed Merchants here.

 

[bluepencil]

I don't think so.
I am pretty sure they have more DDs than that.

>> BB BARBARA> That other BB was a B VITTORIO EMANUELE and that CA was a B ROMA.

That put their 12-inch guns to fourteen versus your twelve.

>> BB BARACO> Counting the ten 10-inch guns of the VITTORIO, that's either nineteen or twenty-four depending on the facing.

Where are we anyway?

Doesn't matter.
You know what to do.

Let the battle cry ring.
Cry havoc, and sound the horns of war!

>> BB BARACO> YEET! YEET! YEET! YEET!
>> BB BARBARA> YEET! YEET! YEET! YEET!

Focus fire on that BB and IGNORE EVERYTHING ELSE.

 

[bluepencil]

>> BB BARACO> Ohh yeah that's the stuff.

Is that a StarCraft reference?
Are you taking stimpacks?

>> BB BARACO> *pushes French Press straight into veins like a syringe**

How are we actually doing?

Hmm. Some structure damage, some flotation damage.
Overall minimal damage.

We seem to be doing fine.

Looks one the midships gun isn't seeing any action though.
Should we Cross the T so that all guns can be brought to bear?

>> BB BARBARA> That would make it harder to maneuver away from DDs though.
>> BB BARBARA> We have no Torpedo Protection systems at all.

>> BB BARACO> ** detached from formation because of heavy flooding **
>> BB BARACO> WHAT?

WHAT?!

>> BB BARACO> I didn't even notice!

HOW DO YOU NOT NOTICE *SINKING*?

>> BB BARACO> Well do you expect coffee not to spill in these conditions?

>> BB BARBARA> Should we disengage?

>> BB BARACO> How am I flooding with this little flotation damage?!

>> BB BARBARA> Wait, they're turning away first.

>> BB BARBARA> Ohh.

>> BB BARACO> WHERE ARE YOUUU?!
>> BB BARACO> FIGHT ME, COWARDS!

>> BB BARACO> ... caffeine high fading.
>> BB BARACO> ... feeling sleepy.
>> BB BARACO> This is boring, let's go home.

That was fast.

 

[bluepencil]

WHAT.

>> BB BARACO> WHAT.

>> BB BARBARA> What?

You girls got LIGHT DAMAGE?
And the Italian BB got HEAVY DAMAGE?

>> BB BARACO> IF WE JUST HAD A LITTLE MORE TIME WE COULD HAVE SUNK THE THING!
>> BB BARACO> NOOOOOO!!!

>> BB BARACO> ** starts pounding the floor **
>> BB BARACO> I am in despair! This short engagement time has LEFT ME IN DESPAIR!

Stop that.
We're on the second floor. You break that and we fall.

>> BB BARBARA> I would catch you!

If ADOBO catches me, she would punt me towards the goal on instinct.

>> BB BARACO> So that's why we couldn't find them!
>> BB BARACO> They doubled back on us, the scum!

That was a very short engagement though.
The last time, the Italian Navy didn't break off until 18:00.
Here they fled as soon as it was 16:00.

Of course, the fear of losing a Dreadnought ought to galvanize anybody in a hurry.

>> BB BARACO> That's 4 PM.
>> BB BARACO> It started at 2 PM.
>> BB BARACO> We should have tried harder to search.

>> BB BARBARA> We were looking in the wrong place anyway, so...

>> BB BARACO> Next time we'll definitely sink it, Admiral!

To yeet or not to yeet, that is the question.
Whether tis be nobler to engage in maneuvers and all-gun barrages
Or to sail in close waters and exchange punches to the jaw
This is not a question.

To yeet, always to yeet!

>> BB BARBARA> This is the way.

This is the way.

 

[bluepencil]

Okay, let us unpack this bit by bit.

1) BattleCruisers seem to be the wave of the future, we should consider if it's worth building them or focusing on traditional BBs with less guns.

2) Italy has laid down a BB of the Caio Dulio class.

Wait a clipping minute...

Those AMCs was also Caio Dulio-class!
Is this the reason why our preliminary intel identified the inbound battlefleet as having two BB?

>> BB BARBARA> So they have AMC of the Caio Dulio-class and BBs of the Caio Dulio-class.
>> BB BARBARA> That's... I don't know what to call it...

>> BB BARACO> Retarded?

Moving on-

3) Our submarines will only start work this month.
The completion report comes at the start of the month after all.

4) We have two more AMC, but the Patrol Fulfillment requirement is 14.
Once they finish working up, we will have ten.

Four more ships needed.

Wasn't it twelve to start with, then became thirteen, now it's fourteen?!

It's increasing over time!
Maybe it's worth sinking some DDs after all.

Anyhoos - BB BARACO was flooding but needs only to spend 1 month - this month - in the yard.
BB Barbara needs to stay longer to repair superstructure damage.

Are we sure it wasn't just menstruatio-

>> BB BARACO> SHUT UP.

Yeaah that's not a talk I want to have anyway.

Let's roll.

I'm taking a big gamble on you.

 

[bluepencil]

AHAHAHAHA.

I shouldn't.

But AHAHAHAHAHAHA.

If you remember the Victory Points, it is
Spain: 2205
Italy: 2558

And we can't even protect our shipping lanes.

But our Unrest level is 3.
The Spanish people are strong and confident about this war.

For... reasons.

Direct and immediate military applications!
Good job!

I don't know if we managed to sink that with ASW or if it just rammed itself into a rock somewhere.
Good news anyway.

Nice.
It's best to have ADOBO's berserker tendencies far and away from friendly fire.

Whoa, awesome!
That's one less B we need to deal with!

Wait, that's it?
Italy has no commerce raiding actions this month?

They must have thrown everything they have against the USN, but without a BB they couldn't hold the line.

Anyway, accept.

 

[bluepencil]

I keep forgetting to put my Heavy Cruisers on Active Fleet!

>> BB BARACO> On the other hand, your Armored Cruisers in Active Fleet also increases the chance they will meet a Battleship.

And now we're Blockaded again.
Lovely.

But what about our submarines?

As long as they aren't sunk, that's ok.
They can earn VP in the long run.

Better.

We are really being reamed on the merchant marine raiding competition.

Wait, is this the Convoy we failed to defend earlier?

WE RIDE.

>> BB BARBARA> Drums! Drums in the deep!

 

[bluepencil]

>>BB BARBARA> Spotted something.

>> BB BARACO> Armored Cruiser or Old Battleship?
>> BB BARACO> Either way, no problem.

>> BB BARBARA> Those look like small ships.

>> BB BARBARA> That looks like a Destroyer formation.

>> BB BARBARA> All ships identified.
>> BB BARBARA> A bunch of Destroyers led by an Armored Cruiser.
>> BB BARBARA> They're turning and fleet fast to the south.

VETTOR PISANI class, I remember you.
Pair of ten-inch guns in single turrets.

>> BB BARACO> This is a cakewalk.

>> BB BARBARA> Oh. Hello.

 

[bluepencil]

>> BB BARBARA> BB identified.

>> BB BARACO> ... I have a bad feeling about this.

I don't like how the DD squadron immediately broke to the NE after heading due south in terror until sight of the the BB battlegroup.

Yeah, if we did as usual and charged right into that -

>> BB BARACO> We could be caught in a pincer with multiple battleships in front of us and DDs behind us.

>> BB BARBARA> They're not even trying to hide it with how they're all charging right at us.
>> BB BARBARA> The Regia Marina battle line is just daring us to cross the T.

Nuts to that.
Turn arround.

>> BB BARBARA> Cashew.

>> BB BARACO> Watermelon.

*munch munch munch*

>>BB LEONARDO DA VINCI> F-foul!
>>BB LEONARDO DA VINCI> You can't do that!
>>BB LEONARDO DA VINCI> What happened to your Spanish bravery! Your pride!
>>BB LEONARDO DA VINCI> Are you not men and woman of Romance?
>>BB LEONARDO DA VINCI> Dare you flee from GLORIOUS BATTLE?!

>>BB LEONARDO DA VINCI> That's not possible!

Wave bye bye to the stupid people, girls.

>> BB BARBARA> Bye bye, stupid people!

>> BB BARACO> Again, not an ADOBO.


>> BB LEONARDO DA VINCI> FIGHT MEEEE!!!
>> BB LEONARDO DA VINCI> COWARDS!
>> BB LEONARDO DA VINCI> Y-YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO JUST LEAVE! NOT ALLOWED!

AHA HA HA HA HA HA.

>> BB BARACO> Hueh hueh hueh hueh!

>> BB BARBARA> Hi hi hi hi hih!

 

[bluepencil]

This is fine.

>> BB BARBARA> Took some very minimal unarmored superstructure damage.
>> BB BARBARA> I'd say it was a waste of time, but they're the ones who had to burn coal getting all the way to Eastern Spain for nothing.

Yeah that didn't take long at all.
No point retreading the hours of the non-battle.

The enemy is not obliged to cooperate with your strategy.
That's why they're THE ENEMY!

>> BB BARACO> I can still hear the screams of impotent rage.
>> BB BARACO> Their butthurt gives me power.

This is nothing.

>> BB BARACO> Next time?

Next time.

 

[bluepencil]

Hmm. The Patrol Fulfillment went down.

That still only brings us to 10 of 13.

I have been told that problem like this affect not just this particular ship, but all ships of their class.

Ach. Eight ships.
That's 40 VP.

That's it, I'm putting ADOBO back on Active Fleet.


>> CA ADOBO> YES.
>> CA ADOBO> Finally!
>> CA ADOBO> Releasing Control Art System Level One - Commencing Ruy Lopez invocation ...

That's... okay.

>> CA ADOBO> BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!
>> CA ADOBO> SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!
>> CA ADOBO> FISHES FOR THE FISH TABLE!

I know you're happy, but tone it down.
Like, waaaay down.

 

[bluepencil]

It's ADOBO and only ADOBO.
This a good thing.

>> CA ADOBO> I'm gonna fuck you up~

>> CA ADOBO> And lay you down~

Oh noooo.

>> CA ADOBO> Gonna fool around~

>> CA ADOBO> And hurt you~

>> CA ADOBO> ** terrible dancing and flailing around continues **

And we're done.

 

[bluepencil]

Well that was a foregone conclusion.

It... didn't even take an hour.

>> CA ADOBO> This was too easy. It's not even a cakewalk.
>> CA ADOBO> Maybe an ice cream walk?
>> CA ADOBO> Letting it go for too long just gets you tears and disappointment.

Shite. This one battle completely makes up for all commerce raiding.
We may be better off not putting any Raiders in the water after all.

Morale impact.
Just as you suffer both economic and political damage for not being able to protect your traders, this would also impose hardship on your enemy.

As the Japanese and the Germans learned so harshly in WW2, it doesn't matter how many warships you sink if your enemy could literally build more of them faster than you can sink them.


>> CA FURIOSA> Who rules Bartertown?

 

[bluepencil]

Hmm. Nothing noteworthy from other navies.
Although we suspiciously have a lot of intel on France these past few months.

Ugh, as I expected.
We need lots more light hulls in peacetime.

Let's eat the damage and see what happens.

Jesus Christ.

Spanish Army best army.

Wait... isn't France in between Spain and Italy?!
Where and how are you even fighting this, Army?!

Reverse Punic Wars?

That... that makes a surprising lot of sense, actually.
Though it doesn't actually answer my question about having to invade France.

Oh look a distraction!
Let's look at these bunch of cuties instead.

Go away, Franco.

 

[bluepencil]

Which leads me to ask, how have we been destroying enemy submarines until now?

We... haven't?
We have just been relying on them being Italian getting lost and running aground somewhere.

>> CA ADOBO> With fisticuffs!

I'm sure you'd try.

That works so much better.

That's a lot of sunk merchant marine capacity, we must avenge!

Thank you.

AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!

 

[bluepencil]

It's ADOBE.

Whew.

The sane one of the ADOBO twins.
Relatively.

>> CA ADOBE> What do you mean relatively?!
>> CA ADOBE> I'm the sanest on in the fleet!
>> CA ADOBE> (And that happens to include even the Grand Admiral)

Ugh. Sink any ship.
Simple enough.

But we have to find them first.

>> CA ADOBE> Ship spotted!

We started this at 6:00 AM and now it's 12 NN.

>> CA ADOBE> Six hours is not time wasted.

>> CA ADOBE> Ah, it's a Trader.
>> CA ADOBE> Nothing personal, just business.

>> CA ADOBE> (blammitly blam blam)
>> CA ADOBE> I hope you bought insurance.

>> CA ADOBE> Mission Accomplished.

That's good enough.
GTFO back here.

>> CA ADOBE> That was a little too easy, but okay.

Wait, what's that?

 

[bluepencil]

It's a VETTOR PISANI!
Two ten inch guns!

>> CA ADOBE> But four inches belt armor...

NO.

>> CA ADOBE> I'm an ADOBO...
>> CA ADOBE> But I A DO BE Focused on the Mission.

GEE TEE EFF OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

>> CA ADOBE> GEE TEE EFF OO~INNGG!!!

OOOOOOOO!!!

>> CA ADOBE> OOOOOOO!!!

 

[bluepencil]

It is a victory.

>> CA ADOBE> I feel we may have been a bit too conservative there, but you're right.
>> CA ADOBE> It is what it is.

>> CA ADOBE> The Mission always comes first.

All right - here's the track:
We started this at the break of dawn at 6:00
At 12:00 we spotted an unlucky Italian transport
CA ADOBE resolved the situation by 13:00 -
And turned about to exit the mission area.

Visual contact was made with a CA VETTOR PISANI class at around 13:30

But CA ADOBE continued unflichinging getting the EFF to the OH due South East.
No more further contact with ships until night fell and she could in confidence return to Spanish waters.

We only sank one ship but this is worth way more than the five ships sank by Italian raiders this month.

You have been avenged!

>> CA ADOBE> Am I Thor or Captain America?

You are Groot.

>> CA ADOBE> Aww.

 

[bluepencil]

Hmm.

Intel reports on Italy, France and the US - the only nations we have direct contact with.

All right now that our cash flow is positive again, it is time to put into action my SECRET PLAN.

We actually got Wing Turret technology some time back but I was too busy with the war to comment on it.

But our Shipyard capacity was too low to take advantage of it.

Now we can have eight gun broadsides.

Granted, midships turret would be much more efficient, but
a) we don't have that technology
b) cross deck fire is Spain's bonus tech so it feels a shame not to build one

First we put ADOBO back on Raiding duty.

And put FURIOSA on Coastal Patrol so she will stay in South East Asia.

I don't know what this will do.

 

[bluepencil]

Whoa!
It's a good thing I didn't build the ship just yet because 20k ton budget is much more forgiving.

Fine tune the design a bit more.

We have actually slapped around the Italian Navy enough that we can meet Patrol requirements, but more is better.

But of course!

More AP is best AP!

I don't care about light warships anymore.

Although this does remind me to check if we could/should migrate the FURIOSA class back into Super Destroyer raiders again now that Engines and mass allowances have improved.

We don't care about Austria-Hungary right now either, though we don't need them mad at us.

THIS IS A MAJOR BREAKTHOUGH.

That would have been great if we were actually Austria-Hungary and had access to oil!