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Let's Play Neon Genesis X-COM2GELION

Rufus Shinra

Well-known member
Literally my first thought was "Bradford is astoundingly metrosexual in this game".

You wanna know how X-COM managed to survive 20 years?

The legions of people with a crush on Bradford.

Maybe that is how I should have taken the story, though it would have meant even more of a pain in the ass finding and photoshopping heads into portrait frames. With Bradford still pining away for Moira Vahlen, the romcom is truth.
Bradford is damn cool in 2 and, TBH, I'm glad the devs took the 'not taking ourselves too seriously' route. XCOM 2 managed to massively up the first one by having a much more dynamic gameplay instead of a slow and mehodical push. Risks are taken and rewarded by a bunch of misfits with an attitude. And FFS, it rules so much more than your run of the mill mil-tactical game. Your ranger wants to wear sectoid skulls on his belt and a fucking German piked helmet in combat? Who gives a fuck, because last week, they successfully rushed an Archon and somehow single-handedly slaughtered two Vipers with nothing more than a machette in enclosed combat, all of it in the same turn, and without dropping their fucking cigar.

Bradford is the guy you could actually see coordinating a fireteam with two Jedi, 2B, Big Boss, Police Girl and a really lost Imperial Guardman. He doesn't give a fuck, he's professional and he'll use whatever tools are available to get Earth back. And Vahlen.

´cause war crimes won't commit themselves.
1.5 Operation Gatecrasher


Indentured Artist

> Misato moves

Gendo Ikari> Oh?
Gendo Ikari> Now you're moving first?

Misato Katsuragi> We don't know what else is out there.
Misato Katsuragi> If someone's getting shot at, it better be me.

Bradford> The ADVENT officers seem more capable than the grunts.
Bradford> We're not sure to chalk it up to training or stricter mind control.

Misato Katsuragi> Shit.

Misato Katsuragi> They spread out far enough that we we can't take them with a grenade.

Misato Katsuragi> There's no other place to go from here.
Misato Katsuragi> Either I take a low-probability shot, or...

Misato Katsuragi> Rei, get over here and go into overwatch.

Rei "Rei II" Ayanami> Done.

Misato Katsuragi> Now Shinji - move up into cover.

Shinji Ikari> Ok.

Misato Katsuragi> Do you have a clear angle?

Shinji Ikari> I think so.
Shinji Ikari> One of them isn't in cover from my perspective.

Misato Katsuragi> Take the shot.
1.6 Operation Gatecrasher


Indentured Artist

>> Shinji takes a shot at 65% chance to hit.

Shinji Ikari> Target at the center. Pull the switch.

>> Kill.

Shinji Ikari> Huh.

Misato Katsuragi> That's my boy!

Misato Katsuragi> Now what do we do with the rest of these assholes?

Misato Katsuragi> Let's see if we can flush this Officer from cover.

Misato Katsuragi> Asuka, what the hell are you doing?!

Asuka Langley-Sohryu> Dare to win, Misato!

Asuka Langley-Sohryu> This is high cover anyway.
Asuka Langley-Sohryu> Their aim is shit.

Misato Katsuragi> You're too close to the enemy!
Misato Katsuragi> They can flank you just as easily as you want to flank them!

Asuka Langley-Sohryu> Better hope Real Imitation Wonder Girl here doesn't miss if they take a move, then!

Misato Katsuragi> Goddammit.
1.7 Operation Gatecrasher


Indentured Artist

>> Advent Officers shouts and points at Shinji.

>> Shinji Ikari is Marked.

Shinji Ikari> Whut?

>> Advent Officer shoots at Shinji.
>> Hit.

Shinji Ikari> Ow! Yowtch! GAAAH!

Misato Katsuragi> SHINJI!

Shinji Ikari> ... I'm not dead?

Asuka Langley-Sohryu> So their aim is shit.
Asuka Langley-Sohryu> Huh.

Misato Katsuragi> ASU-

>> Advent Trooper readies to shoot.

>> Advent Trooper shoots at Shinji.
>> Miss.

Asuka Langley-Sohryu> ACH!
Asuka Langley-Sohryu> The fuck was that almost took my head off!
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1.8 Operation Gatecrasher


Indentured Artist

Katsuragi Misato> ASUKA! Now what are you doing?!

Asuka Langley-Sohryu> I'm handling this!

> Rei II lowers her rifle from aiming at Asuka's face.

Asuka Langley-Sohryu> Hey, arschloch!

>> Asuka shoots.
>> Normal hit would be enough to kill an Advent Trooper.
>> It's a critical.

Asuka Langley-Soryu> (shouts back) And that's how you do it!
Asuka Langley-Soryu> DARE TO WIN!

Misato Katsuragi> Shinji?! You too?!
Misato Katsuragi> Stay in cover, you're wounded!

Shinji Ikari> I'm fine, Misato-san!
Shinji Ikari> I'm not going to be carried around.

Misato Katsuragi> Ugh. Fine.
Misato Katsuragi> Do you have a clear shot?

>> Shinji has 55% chance to hit.

Shinji Ikari> Well I have this grenade...?

>> Shinji throws the grenade.
>> BOOM.
>> Advent Officer dead.

Asuka Langley-Sohryu> Heh. Is that cheating?

Shinji Ikari> I don't remember who said it...
Shinji Ikari> Maybe I head it in a dream...

Misato Katsuragi> (sniffs)
Misato Katsuragi> I'M SO PROUD!
1.9 Operation Gatecrasher


Indentured Artist

Bradford> Menace 1-4, we have a limited window to act before ADVENT responds, we need to get those charges planted on the double.

Misato Katsuragi> I'm on it.

Misato Katsuragi> Charges set.
Misato Katsuragi> Let's get the hell outta here.

Bradford> Menace 1-5, rendezvous at the extraction point.

>> They all skedaddle.

Bradford> Status confirmed, squad is clear. Detonating charges.

>> BOOM.

Misato Katsuragi> Whoo. That's a powerful little can of whoopass.

Gendo Ikari> Bradford, I just remembered something from the after-action report.

Bradford> Yes, Commander?

Gendo Ikari> You bombed a checkpoint as a distraction for the extraction team.
Gendo Ikari> A checkpoint you were standing in.

Gendo Ikari> How is your dumbass self still alive?

>> (offscreen)> All praise to the grace of the Great Commandy One!

Bradford and Gendo and Misato > SHUT UP!
1.10 Operation Gatecrasher


Indentured Artist

Gendo Ikari> This is... acceptable.

Shinji Ikari> Ow. Getting shot aside, that went well.

Rei "Rei II" Ayanami> I have... complaints.

Asuka Langley-Sohru> Really? How rare for you, Wonder Girl.
Asuka Langley-Sohru> About what?

Rei "Rei II" Ayanami> These pants make my butt look flat.
Rei "Rei II" Ayanami> I dislike it.

Shinji Ikari> Whuuuu---!

Asuka Langley-Sohru> What?
Asuka Langley-Sohru> Hey, you! Stupid-head don't look!

Shinji Ikari> I'm not looking!
Shinji Ikari> I'm not!

Rei "Rei II" Ayanami> You should.
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1.11 Operation Gatecrasher


Indentured Artist

Misato Katsuragi> Hahahaha.
Misato Katsuragi> Gotta admit I wasn't expecting you to care about that, Rei.
Misato Katsuragi> But kids- settle down.

Misato Katsuragi> No moving around while in flight.

Asuka, stop trying to strangle Shinji.
Rei, stop trying to kill Asuka.
Shinji, stop being such a little bitch.

Asuka Langley-Sohru> Oh shut up Misato, you and your skintight combat pants!

Misato Katsuragi> Hey, I run a lot! I don't think it's unfair to ask for pants that won't snag on anything.

Asuka Langley-Sohru> You and your past expiration-date ass!

Misato Katsuragi> Now that is just uncalled for.
Misato Katsuragi> Your bony ass isn't anything noteworthy anyway, little missy.
Misato Katsuragi> A change in uniform won't accomplish anything.

Rei "Rei II" Ayanami> Ikari-kun has best behind.

Asuka Langley-Sohru> > ...
Rei "Rei II" Ayanami> ...
Misato Katsuragi> ...

Shinji Ikari> No don't look at meeee!!!

Bradford> Welcome back, team. Good job out there!
Bradford> You gave ADVENT and the world a strong message.
Bradford> XCOM is back, and we're playing for keeps.

Gendo Ikari> Stop sitting down on the job, boy.
Gendo Ikari> Get your useless ass off the ground and report.

Shinji Ikari> NO!
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2.1 In The Avenger New


Indentured Artist

Tygan> An impressive performance, Commander.
Tygan> Our troops' skills are improving with each deployment.

Bradford> Yes. Commander, some of our troops are due for a promotion.

Gendo Ikari> No, look at that lazy bones.
Gendo Ikari> Paying him more is just going to incentivize him to shirk his job even more.

Bradford> Operating some of our most advanced equipment, Specialists deploy robotic drones on the battlefield that can be outfitted for combat or field medic duty.

Shinji Ikari> Oh, cool.
Shinji Ikari> A robot!

Shinji Ikari> You're going to be so useful.

Shinji Ikari> I'm going to name you... uh...

Gendo Ikari> Are you going to name that toy KAWORU?

Gendo Ikari> That unfeeling machine is going to be the only friend you will ever have.
Gendo Ikari> And you're going to inevitably murder it on purpose at some point.

Shinji Ikari> ... (thousand yard stare)

Misato Katsuragi> You asshole!

Gendo Ikari> *smirks*
Gendo Ikari> Still got it.

Bradford> Serving as our demolitions experts, the Grenadiers provide heavy ordnance delivery whenever and wherever we need it.

Asuka Langley-Sohryu> Ohoho.
Asuka Langley-Sohryu> This I like!

Asuka Langley-Sohryu> I like this even more!
Asuka Langley-Sohryu> HO HO HO.

Asuka Langley-Sohryu> ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS
Asuka Langley-Sohryu> IS EX~ PLO~DING YOU~

Rei "Rei II" Ayanami> A Crimson Demon...
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2.2 The Avenger New


Indentured Artist

Misato Katsuragi> Hmm.

Bradford> The Ranger serves as our primary reconnaissance unit, capable of moving independently in concealment while engaging enemies at close range using extensive training in swordsmanship.

Misato Katsuragi> You know, that actually is my MOS.
Misato Katsuragi> I had rank before NERV, you know.

Asuka Langley-Sohryu> That's it? That's your big upgrade?
Asuka Langley-Sohryu> A pointy stick.
Asuka Langley-Sohryu> How barbaric.

Misato Katsuragi> You're just jealous you don't get to sword things.

Asuka Langley-Sohryu> Well I don't have a katana fetish.

Misato Katsuragi> And just like that you will never get to be the rightful Queen of England.

Gendo Ikari> Promote Rei. Promote Rei.
Gendo Ikari> Rei are best soldier. Rei are soldier genius. Rei are the soldier smell.
Gendo Ikari> Reject humanity return to Skyranger.

Misato Katsuragi> What the hell is wrong with you.

Gendo Ikari> Never forgive Shinji. Only son is worst son.
Gendo Ikari> Daughterus from here on.

Bradford> Just like it sounds, our sharpshooters engage enemy targets with pinpoint accuracy from extreme range. They're also trained in pistol marksmanship for the occasional close encounter.

Rei "Rei II" Ayanami> *tries to peer down the scope*

Rei "Rei II" Ayanami> I... question... the utility of this.

Rei "Rei II" Ayanami> *ponders revolver*

Wa wa waah~

Rei "Rei II" Ayanami> I am not the ugly.

Rei "Rei II" Ayanami> *looks pointedly at Asuka*

Asuka Langley-Sohryu> Whu... what are you implying?

Asuka Langley-Sohryu> *starts to gyrate her shoulders*

Asuka Langley-Sohryu> You know I'm bad. I'm baaad. You know it.
Asuka Langley-Sohryu> I'm bad!

Rei "Rei II" Ayanami> Dreadful.
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