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Let's Play Neon Genesis X-COM2GELION

Rufus Shinra

Well-known member
Literally my first thought was "Bradford is astoundingly metrosexual in this game".

You wanna know how X-COM managed to survive 20 years?

The legions of people with a crush on Bradford.


Maybe that is how I should have taken the story, though it would have meant even more of a pain in the ass finding and photoshopping heads into portrait frames. With Bradford still pining away for Moira Vahlen, the romcom is truth.
Bradford is damn cool in 2 and, TBH, I'm glad the devs took the 'not taking ourselves too seriously' route. XCOM 2 managed to massively up the first one by having a much more dynamic gameplay instead of a slow and mehodical push. Risks are taken and rewarded by a bunch of misfits with an attitude. And FFS, it rules so much more than your run of the mill mil-tactical game. Your ranger wants to wear sectoid skulls on his belt and a fucking German piked helmet in combat? Who gives a fuck, because last week, they successfully rushed an Archon and somehow single-handedly slaughtered two Vipers with nothing more than a machette in enclosed combat, all of it in the same turn, and without dropping their fucking cigar.

Bradford is the guy you could actually see coordinating a fireteam with two Jedi, 2B, Big Boss, Police Girl and a really lost Imperial Guardman. He doesn't give a fuck, he's professional and he'll use whatever tools are available to get Earth back. And Vahlen.

´cause war crimes won't commit themselves.
 
1.5 Operation Gatecrasher

bluepencil

Indentured Artist
Author

> Misato moves


Gendo Ikari> Oh?
Gendo Ikari> Now you're moving first?



Misato Katsuragi> We don't know what else is out there.
Misato Katsuragi> If someone's getting shot at, it better be me.


Bradford> The ADVENT officers seem more capable than the grunts.
Bradford> We're not sure to chalk it up to training or stricter mind control.


Misato Katsuragi> Shit.




Misato Katsuragi> They spread out far enough that we we can't take them with a grenade.



Misato Katsuragi> There's no other place to go from here.
Misato Katsuragi> Either I take a low-probability shot, or...

Misato Katsuragi> Rei, get over here and go into overwatch.




Rei "Rei II" Ayanami> Done.



Misato Katsuragi> Now Shinji - move up into cover.


Shinji Ikari> Ok.



Misato Katsuragi> Do you have a clear angle?


Shinji Ikari> I think so.
Shinji Ikari> One of them isn't in cover from my perspective.


Misato Katsuragi> Take the shot.
 
1.6 Operation Gatecrasher

bluepencil

Indentured Artist
Author

>> Shinji takes a shot at 65% chance to hit.


Shinji Ikari> Target at the center. Pull the switch.


>> Kill.


Shinji Ikari> Huh.


Misato Katsuragi> That's my boy!



Misato Katsuragi> Now what do we do with the rest of these assholes?



Misato Katsuragi> Let's see if we can flush this Officer from cover.




Misato Katsuragi> Asuka, what the hell are you doing?!


Asuka Langley-Sohryu> Dare to win, Misato!



Asuka Langley-Sohryu> This is high cover anyway.
Asuka Langley-Sohryu> Their aim is shit.


Misato Katsuragi> You're too close to the enemy!
Misato Katsuragi> They can flank you just as easily as you want to flank them!


Asuka Langley-Sohryu> Better hope Real Imitation Wonder Girl here doesn't miss if they take a move, then!



Misato Katsuragi> Goddammit.
 
1.7 Operation Gatecrasher

bluepencil

Indentured Artist
Author

>> Advent Officers shouts and points at Shinji.


>> Shinji Ikari is Marked.


Shinji Ikari> Whut?



>> Advent Officer shoots at Shinji.
>> Hit.


Shinji Ikari> Ow! Yowtch! GAAAH!


Misato Katsuragi> SHINJI!





Shinji Ikari> ... I'm not dead?



Asuka Langley-Sohryu> So their aim is shit.
Asuka Langley-Sohryu> Huh.



Misato Katsuragi> ASU-



>> Advent Trooper readies to shoot.



>> Advent Trooper shoots at Shinji.
>> Miss.


Asuka Langley-Sohryu> ACH!
Asuka Langley-Sohryu> The fuck was that almost took my head off!
 
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1.8 Operation Gatecrasher

bluepencil

Indentured Artist
Author


Katsuragi Misato> ASUKA! Now what are you doing?!


Asuka Langley-Sohryu> I'm handling this!

> Rei II lowers her rifle from aiming at Asuka's face.



Asuka Langley-Sohryu> Hey, arschloch!


>> Asuka shoots.
>> Normal hit would be enough to kill an Advent Trooper.
>> It's a critical.


Asuka Langley-Soryu> (shouts back) And that's how you do it!
Asuka Langley-Soryu> DARE TO WIN!



Misato Katsuragi> Shinji?! You too?!
Misato Katsuragi> Stay in cover, you're wounded!


Shinji Ikari> I'm fine, Misato-san!
Shinji Ikari> I'm not going to be carried around.



Misato Katsuragi> Ugh. Fine.
Misato Katsuragi> Do you have a clear shot?

>> Shinji has 55% chance to hit.



Shinji Ikari> Well I have this grenade...?



>> Shinji throws the grenade.
>> BOOM.
>> Advent Officer dead.


Asuka Langley-Sohryu> Heh. Is that cheating?


Shinji Ikari> I don't remember who said it...
Shinji Ikari> Maybe I head it in a dream...
Shinji Ikari> But FUCK THE RANDOM NUMBER GODS.


Misato Katsuragi> (sniffs)
Misato Katsuragi> I'M SO PROUD!
 
1.9 Operation Gatecrasher

bluepencil

Indentured Artist
Author

Bradford> Menace 1-4, we have a limited window to act before ADVENT responds, we need to get those charges planted on the double.


Misato Katsuragi> I'm on it.





Misato Katsuragi> Charges set.
Misato Katsuragi> Let's get the hell outta here.


Bradford> Menace 1-5, rendezvous at the extraction point.

>> They all skedaddle.




Bradford> Status confirmed, squad is clear. Detonating charges.

>> BOOM.


Misato Katsuragi> Whoo. That's a powerful little can of whoopass.


Gendo Ikari> Bradford, I just remembered something from the after-action report.

Bradford> Yes, Commander?


Gendo Ikari> You bombed a checkpoint as a distraction for the extraction team.
Gendo Ikari> A checkpoint you were standing in.

Gendo Ikari> How is your dumbass self still alive?


>> (offscreen)> All praise to the grace of the Great Commandy One!



Bradford and Gendo and Misato > SHUT UP!
 
1.10 Operation Gatecrasher

bluepencil

Indentured Artist
Author

Gendo Ikari> This is... acceptable.




Shinji Ikari> Ow. Getting shot aside, that went well.


Rei "Rei II" Ayanami> I have... complaints.


Asuka Langley-Sohru> Really? How rare for you, Wonder Girl.
Asuka Langley-Sohru> About what?



Rei "Rei II" Ayanami> These pants make my butt look flat.
Rei "Rei II" Ayanami> I dislike it.


Shinji Ikari> Whuuuu---!


Asuka Langley-Sohru> What?
Asuka Langley-Sohru> Hey, you! Stupid-head don't look!


Shinji Ikari> I'm not looking!
Shinji Ikari> I'm not!


Rei "Rei II" Ayanami> You should.
 
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1.11 Operation Gatecrasher

bluepencil

Indentured Artist
Author

Misato Katsuragi> Hahahaha.
Misato Katsuragi> Gotta admit I wasn't expecting you to care about that, Rei.
Misato Katsuragi> But kids- settle down.

Misato Katsuragi> No moving around while in flight.

Asuka, stop trying to strangle Shinji.
Rei, stop trying to kill Asuka.
Shinji, stop being such a little bitch.





Asuka Langley-Sohru> Oh shut up Misato, you and your skintight combat pants!


Misato Katsuragi> Hey, I run a lot! I don't think it's unfair to ask for pants that won't snag on anything.


Asuka Langley-Sohru> You and your past expiration-date ass!


Misato Katsuragi> Now that is just uncalled for.
Misato Katsuragi> Your bony ass isn't anything noteworthy anyway, little missy.
Misato Katsuragi> A change in uniform won't accomplish anything.


Rei "Rei II" Ayanami> Ikari-kun has best behind.



Asuka Langley-Sohru> > ...
Rei "Rei II" Ayanami> ...
Misato Katsuragi> ...


Shinji Ikari> No don't look at meeee!!!






Bradford> Welcome back, team. Good job out there!
Bradford> You gave ADVENT and the world a strong message.
Bradford> XCOM is back, and we're playing for keeps.


Gendo Ikari> Stop sitting down on the job, boy.
Gendo Ikari> Get your useless ass off the ground and report.


Shinji Ikari> NO!
 
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2.1 In The Avenger New

bluepencil

Indentured Artist
Author


Tygan> An impressive performance, Commander.
Tygan> Our troops' skills are improving with each deployment.


Bradford> Yes. Commander, some of our troops are due for a promotion.




Gendo Ikari> No, look at that lazy bones.
Gendo Ikari> Paying him more is just going to incentivize him to shirk his job even more.



Bradford> Operating some of our most advanced equipment, Specialists deploy robotic drones on the battlefield that can be outfitted for combat or field medic duty.



Shinji Ikari> Oh, cool.
Shinji Ikari> A robot!

Shinji Ikari> You're going to be so useful.

Shinji Ikari> I'm going to name you... uh...



Gendo Ikari> Are you going to name that toy KAWORU?

Gendo Ikari> That unfeeling machine is going to be the only friend you will ever have.
Gendo Ikari> And you're going to inevitably murder it on purpose at some point.


Shinji Ikari> ... (thousand yard stare)




Misato Katsuragi> You asshole!


Gendo Ikari> *smirks*
Gendo Ikari> Still got it.




Bradford> Serving as our demolitions experts, the Grenadiers provide heavy ordnance delivery whenever and wherever we need it.



Asuka Langley-Sohryu> Ohoho.
Asuka Langley-Sohryu> This I like!







Asuka Langley-Sohryu> I like this even more!
Asuka Langley-Sohryu> HO HO HO.




Asuka Langley-Sohryu> ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS
Asuka Langley-Sohryu> IS EX~ PLO~DING YOU~


Rei "Rei II" Ayanami> A Crimson Demon...
 
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2.2 The Avenger New

bluepencil

Indentured Artist
Author


Misato Katsuragi> Hmm.


Bradford> The Ranger serves as our primary reconnaissance unit, capable of moving independently in concealment while engaging enemies at close range using extensive training in swordsmanship.




Misato Katsuragi> You know, that actually is my MOS.
Misato Katsuragi> I had rank before NERV, you know.




Asuka Langley-Sohryu> That's it? That's your big upgrade?
Asuka Langley-Sohryu> A pointy stick.
Asuka Langley-Sohryu> How barbaric.


Misato Katsuragi> You're just jealous you don't get to sword things.


Asuka Langley-Sohryu> Well I don't have a katana fetish.


Misato Katsuragi> And just like that you will never get to be the rightful Queen of England.




Gendo Ikari> Promote Rei. Promote Rei.
Gendo Ikari> Rei are best soldier. Rei are soldier genius. Rei are the soldier smell.
Gendo Ikari> Reject humanity return to Skyranger.


Misato Katsuragi> What the hell is wrong with you.


Gendo Ikari> Never forgive Shinji. Only son is worst son.
Gendo Ikari> Daughterus from here on.






Bradford> Just like it sounds, our sharpshooters engage enemy targets with pinpoint accuracy from extreme range. They're also trained in pistol marksmanship for the occasional close encounter.


Rei "Rei II" Ayanami> *tries to peer down the scope*

Rei "Rei II" Ayanami> I... question... the utility of this.


Rei "Rei II" Ayanami> *ponders revolver*

woolololoooo~
Wa wa waah~


Rei "Rei II" Ayanami> I am not the ugly.


Rei "Rei II" Ayanami> *looks pointedly at Asuka*


Asuka Langley-Sohryu> Whu... what are you implying?

Asuka Langley-Sohryu> *starts to gyrate her shoulders*


Asuka Langley-Sohryu> You know I'm bad. I'm baaad. You know it.
Asuka Langley-Sohryu> I'm bad!



Rei "Rei II" Ayanami> Dreadful.
 
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