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Lets Talk About Our Lives

Blade4

Apathetic Marine
Does not really look like a united earth flag but it is a nice flag for some hypothetical government.

Edit: Why did it not show Merak's post till after i quoted Wolf? But still yeah that is sad and a bad time all around. A lot of people lives are going to be ruined because of a few insane fools.
 

StolenMadWolf

Well-known member
Author
Thanks for the feedback @Blade4

Well, at the moment I'm feeling kinda... disconnected from things.

What I mean on this is, well, I just feel like I either don't have a connection with or care for some of the stuff I really wanted to do before or just some stuff in general. I had a discussion with family last night about my future careers which wasn't... great to be honest. I'm currently doing swimming instructing right now, but it's currently only really a stop gap until I find something else. My family and I both want stability on my end, but actually finding something new has proven... difficult. It's been suggested that I go on and do some actual teaching. Funny how things seem to go full circle given that I had alot of support at school (and alot of shit at high school). Ask me that question a few years ago, and I would flat out laugh and say, "Nope, I'd suck at teaching.". But since I've started teaching swimming... I've started to think that, "Okay, I could do this."

I've actually got some advise about teaching and how to get started... but it would involve going through one or two years of training again. And that is on top of potentially having to go back to University with another loan which I could do without unless I get on a programme.

And when I started getting pressured on checking out other potential long term options and called out on not doing a whole lot... well, I think something just snapped. I've actually talked to folks about mental health online (for entirely different reasons than here) and have kinda just realised between this and that.... I just frankly don't care about alot of these jobs. That or I feel so disconnected from trying after so many failures getting into better careers that I can't bring myself to carry on with this stuff. Even the teaching side of things, whilst very well-paid and pretty good just screams of failure in my mind (I keep thinking back to Breaking Bad, having multiple degrees only to teach stuff to people who are likely not going to get where they want to go in the long run). I'll probably go ahead and look into doing the training or volunteering but... well, I just don't know. That, and I just realised that I feel disengaged with alot more stuff, both in doing stuff and actually working to try and get into that stuff (say career search, which has proven to be just... disengaging.

Don't get me wrong, I do care about people and stuff and can get very passionate about this stuff, I'm just finding it more difficult to actually engage with this kind of stuff in a positive light and even then, I feel just... less connected with all of it. I have a geinune interest in getting involved in creative work, namely writing, art and acting, but that is feeling increasingly difficult as I feel like I have virtually no idea where to start with all of this proper, and this was after I've so far failed to get the novel out. The novel proves difficult because I have to either do another rewrite to split it, or I have to pay for editing and self-publishing... the former being so disengaging amongst practical realities of that, and the latter just not being possible without bankrupting myself in the process.

Being on the internet so much isn't helping TBH. Socialising with folks online is fantastic, but I'm also feeling like I need an actual face-to-face interaction, but it's proven difficult to maintain contact with folks like this.

Honestly, the only time I feel like I can fully engage with stuff is when I ever go overboard, am doing something that is hyper-engaging like gameplay/daydreaming or if I'm actually at risk/in danger and have to make split second decisions... and well we all know where that goes. But likewise in the case of the latter... there doesn't seem to be anything I want or care to risk my wellbeing or life over (save for friends and family, FFS I'd definitely help them in a heartbeat!).

I do feel like I need to talk to... someone about all this. But again, I'm not sure who the hell to talk about with all this. I have a feeling my family would just dismiss it, at least be semi-serious about it because of my own actions which may well be normalised at this point. Nor do I want to burden my friends over this stuff, who are at this point mainly online now. Both for advice on those creative endevours and about... well my sense of self.
 

Blade4

Apathetic Marine
Well, at the moment I'm feeling kinda... disconnected from things.

I can rather understand. Frankly if i did not have to work for money I would not leave my house. I am... apathetic i think might be the best word for it. I dont like dealing with people and honestly feel more like outsider forced to interact. i dont really enjoy most of the work i have tried over my life. Or passion for anything. I just seem to float going through the motions. Even going back to collage was more proving to myself i could and realizing i need to try something that actually pays decent. I cant really tell you what to do because I still have not figured this crap show called life out. If you have anything that brings you at least satisfaction then it is probably worth pursuing but ultimately everyone is different and and "goals" and "milestones" are just what society says is important. You do you and what makes you happy because otherwise what is the point?
 

StolenMadWolf

Well-known member
Author

*hugs* Thanks.

I can rather understand. Frankly if i did not have to work for money I would not leave my house. I am... apathetic i think might be the best word for it. I dont like dealing with people and honestly feel more like outsider forced to interact. i dont really enjoy most of the work i have tried over my life. Or passion for anything. I just seem to float going through the motions. Even going back to collage was more proving to myself i could and realizing i need to try something that actually pays decent. I cant really tell you what to do because I still have not figured this crap show called life out. If you have anything that brings you at least satisfaction then it is probably worth pursuing but ultimately everyone is different and and "goals" and "milestones" are just what society says is important. You do you and what makes you happy because otherwise what is the point?

I sympathsise. It's not a pleasent feeling just noting having much passion about certain things. I want something that pays decent myself so I can pursue the stuff I really want to do, especially to the point that it will be able to take over in the end. I do want to go ahead with those creative endevours, it's just trying to find a decent place to get things through the door and actually get started with that stuff proper, which is something I'm pretty lost on.

Either way though, I hope you can figure out 'this crap show called life' and follow the stuff you really want to try out.
 

Jakarta

Cutest Mod
Moderator
IDK what the Singaporean Popsicles will think of this, but damn. Singapore's nice.

MRT Stations are everywhere. I can take MRT from Downtown to Bukit Timah and back. Also climbed the hill and reached the summit, so there's that.

IK that for most people you'd be staying in a Downtown hotel, but legit go out into the outlying neighborhoods. I went to Ang Mo Kio and Choa Chu Kang. Legit never had better Chicken Rice than the one in Choa Chu Kang.

My one complaint is that if you're East Asian looking, EVERYONE will assume you can speak Mandarin. Which is a bit of an annoyance TBH.
 

t-dugong

Beach bum, Esq.
IDK what the Singaporean Popsicles will think of this, but damn. Singapore's nice.

MRT Stations are everywhere. I can take MRT from Downtown to Bukit Timah and back. Also climbed the hill and reached the summit, so there's that.

IK that for most people you'd be staying in a Downtown hotel, but legit go out into the outlying neighborhoods. I went to Ang Mo Kio and Choa Chu Kang. Legit never had better Chicken Rice than the one in Choa Chu Kang.

My one complaint is that if you're East Asian looking, EVERYONE will assume you can speak Mandarin. Which is a bit of an annoyance TBH.

It's well known that Singapore has the best rail and light rail system in SEA. Except for that one line the service is most satisfactory, I'd say.

That said, Malaysian also make bomb Chicken Rice. πŸ˜›
 

Vikram

Well-known member
Ah, Singapore. The Mary Sue of Asia. I'd like to go there someday.

If only to finally see if they have robot waiters.
 

HeavyArmor

Trust me, I'm a Tech-Priest
Author
After 4 months of pausing depression meds at the advice of the my psychiatrist......

I still feel like dying every morning I wake up....
 

Rabe

I identfy as a 9000 series intelligences
After 4 months of pausing depression meds at the advice of the my psychiatrist......

I still feel like dying every morning I wake up....
seek another psychiatrist if they wont accept they made the wrong call
 

Marek_Gutkowski

Well-known member
Author
Today I helped a person. An old man had trouble walking. He was on the way to a clinic. He couldn't make the last half a kilometer on his own.
I had my car near me so I drove him, there. Parked on the Ambulance entryway with my hazard lights on and walked him to the door.

It should be something to be proud of or happy about. But I only saw myself in the next 40 years in that man. Alone with no one to help him.

If that is the reason not to stop smoking...
Luckily for me my father died at age 52. I guess I can manage the next 14 years.
 

IndyFront

Ξ⌊:Ξβ‰ͺβŠ• `βˆ§βˆ€βŠ₯βˆ₯'⌊: βˆ€βˆƒβˆƒβˆ€βŒŠ:βŠ•βŒˆβ‰ͺ⌊:βŠ•Ξ“.
Author
Just got my blue belt in Tang Shou Do. IDK why but I always stress over tests even though the hardest two are the test for yellow belt and the test for 1st Degree Black belt.
 

IndyFront

Ξ⌊:Ξβ‰ͺβŠ• `βˆ§βˆ€βŠ₯βˆ₯'⌊: βˆ€βˆƒβˆƒβˆ€βŒŠ:βŠ•βŒˆβ‰ͺ⌊:βŠ•Ξ“.
Author
Finally got access to one of my old laptops after my good one shit itself. Coffee fell off and spilled all over it. Won't read the damn hardrive, I just hope its ok even if the motherboard is permafucked
 

Blade4

Apathetic Marine
Finally got access to one of my old laptops after my good one shit itself. Coffee fell off and spilled all over it. Won't read the damn hardrive, I just hope its ok even if the motherboard is permafucked
Hope you got back ups but you could get lucky. It could be more or less intact if you can just swap it out or get a good tech with right program to rip it.
 

IndyFront

Ξ⌊:Ξβ‰ͺβŠ• `βˆ§βˆ€βŠ₯βˆ₯'⌊: βˆ€βˆƒβˆƒβˆ€βŒŠ:βŠ•βŒˆβ‰ͺ⌊:βŠ•Ξ“.
Author
Hope you got back ups but you could get lucky. It could be more or less intact if you can just swap it out or get a good tech with right program to rip it.
Oh the motherboard is almost certainly fucked I just hope the hard drive is ok. Everyone I talk to says it should be though. Fingers crossed.
 

Eliar

Well-known member
Eyaahahahahyehah.\\


So how does one even begin to write this post?

The day I have been expecting/dreading/warding against evil is finally here.

My dad -with serious heart and circulatory problems- that was admitted in the hospital almost a week ago so they could run a series of test to determine why the fk his feet kept getting bloated caught Covid.

He was diagnosed early in the morning, admitted in the local hospital Covid clinic in serious but stable condition whn I asked in the noon and was rapidly intubated and they are searching for a Covid ICU room for him in the afternoon.

Oh he fell in to coma but his vitals are strong whatever the fuck that means.

Covid protocols apply and they are not letting us see him or even stick around the hospital really so all news are via phone.
 

Rabe

I identfy as a 9000 series intelligences
Eyaahahahahyehah.\\


So how does one even begin to write this post?

The day I have been expecting/dreading/warding against evil is finally here.

My dad -with serious heart and circulatory problems- that was admitted in the hospital almost a week ago so they could run a series of test to determine why the fk his feet kept getting bloated caught Covid.

He was diagnosed early in the morning, admitted in the local hospital Covid clinic in serious but stable condition whn I asked in the noon and was rapidly intubated and they are searching for a Covid ICU room for him in the afternoon.

Oh he fell in to coma but his vitals are strong whatever the fuck that means.

Covid protocols apply and they are not letting us see him or even stick around the hospital really so all news are via phone.
I hear you, and I'm sorry I got nothing to say that is going to meaningfully improve this situation and that sucks hard right now
 

Eliar

Well-known member
Rather late but God be with you and your family and given lack of update will assume your father is pulling through so far...

Thank you.

As for Dad he was transferred to a Covid ICU unit in the capital.\


We are allowed to call at a certain hour every day for updates on his condition...

And that is that really. No visits, no escorts we can't hire an exclusive nurse.

We wait till he gets better. Or not.

I have heard about the loneliness of Covid ICU patients and the inaccesability but now I know.
 

Marek_Gutkowski

Well-known member
Author
My cat is dying of cancer.
Or that is what the veterinarian is telling me.

She has a large growth on her left ear that is oozing puss mixed with blood.
Now she spends her days sitting on my lap because I keep draining the puss out of her head every few minutes.

I am getting a second opinion. This looks like an inflammation.

I am not posting a photo. The cat looks like it has zombie make-up on.
 
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