What's new
Frozen In Carbonite

Welcome to FiC! Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

Respect is everything(GTA:SI) New


New member
The point of this fic is to be mindless fun.
Put a reasonably sane person in an insane environment and see what happens.
If you want a light, mostly hearted and silly read about the caricature setting of Grand Thief Auto videogame please enjoy. If you want hard-hitting drama. This is not it.



My head hurts!

There is way too much light. I cover my eyes with my left hand, even with my eyelids shut it is still too bright in here.
I'm hurting all over. I need a new mattress. There is way too much pain to think. I roll out of bed and find the floor is closer that it should be.
There is the unmistakable stench of homeless person around. That is a euphemism for it stinks of piss and shit.
I try to stand up but the best I could was getting on my hand end knees.

'Nope' even in my internal musings I pop the "P" 'not fit enough to face the world.'

I roll back onto the bed, or what I think is the bed and cover my face with the blanket. Whatever is going on I cannot face it in this condition.
I will sleep off whatever is wrong with me.


I am slowly and far more softly that before released from Morpheus gentle embrace. Opening my eyes, I find that there is just a tiny bit of light coming from the window. Street-lights I guess.
Slowly and with a great deal of care I sit up. Everything still hurts. I cover my face with my hands.

"Was geht Ab?" I ask myself out loud, my voice is hoarse and high-pitched. I need to stop speaking to myself in German. I know I'm butchering the language. I cover my face with my hands.

'Huh?' My beard is gone. That is the first thing I notice, however my hands feel something far more alarming. This is not my nose, those are not my lips, And I fucking know I have far more teeth than what my tongue is finding.

"Nie nie nie nie nie." I say out loud reverting to my own language.

'This is a dream this is not happening!' I think to myself. My breath is coming fast my heart is pounding in my chest. I think I'm about to pass out.
I pat myself down, then my hands reached something that had no right of being there!
And I did.
Unconsciousness takes me...



A strong kick to my ribs wakes me right up. You ever got woken up by a being kicked. Trust me I don't recommend it. However it does have a small benefit of clearing your mind.
There is a man standing over me black T and khakis. He rases his leg to stomp me,

"WHERE IS MY FU..." I don't let him finish, I grab his shoe that he was in process of directing at my stomach and push up with everything I have. The wall is behind me, I use it for leverage. He loses his balance and falls on his back.

'Heh, serves you right' I smirk thinking that.
Then I spot something that drains all the humour out of my face. There is a pistol sticking out of his belt.
'No, I'm not dying Here!' The man rolls on his front and tries to stand up.
I'm not giving him that chance!
I pounce him and hook my right arm around his neck, with my left I push his head forward.
He grabs my arm around him and tries to pull it away. To my terror, his is far too successful in that endeavour!
The guy looks somewhat athletic, but nothing I can't handle, why am I so weak!?!
The fucker is trying to stand up!
With my entire weight on his back and succeeding! My arm is pulled away from his throat. He grabs the back of my shirt and flips me over his head and on to the floor like I weight nothing!!!
I'm on my back and he is kneeling above me. His elbow pressing on my neck.
'I'm going to die here!'

My hand reaches out of the gun behind his belt. Its a Browning 1911. I recognise it because the is a bunch of rubber bands holding down the grip mounted safety.
'Oh Oh Please have a round in the chamber!' I pray.
My middle finger flips of the safety leaver my pointing finger presses the trigger. Loud sound assaults my ears as the man yells and the pressure from my throat disappears.
I would like to say I meant to do that, but I was just luck. My finger is still in the trigger guard and the hand is in my hands.
Before thinking I fire five more times.
The man stops moving and a stack of green bills falls out of his pocket.

"Wat?" I don't even bother with proper pronunciation.

I sit cross legged on the floor and look at my attacker. Or my ex-attacker to be more specific.
I look at the weapon in my hand. Where normally you would see the manufacturers name it only says "Pistol"

"Wat?" Yeah I am very eloquent today don't you think?

There is a loaded gun in my hand, there is a dead body in the room. I need to think!
As in on autopilot I press the magazine release. It slips right out. I pull the slide back and a single cartridge goes flying. I check the chamber and mag well. Both empty.
I point the gun up and dry fire in the air. Its not a rim fire so I get to do that. Also fuck you everybody that say you should never dry fire.
I keep trying to think and only thought that enters my mind is how do you field strip a M1911.
I need a cigarette, looking around the room I find no such luck. Empty bottle an fine collection of different colour stains. A disgusting looking mattress, a piece of rag that I though was a blanket, but it could be a towel at some point. A window on one wall and doors on two others. That is about the sum total of furniture in the room.

I took stock of the situation. There is night outside. There is a dead body in my room. There is a gun in my hand, I'm now a woman, a very skinny woman at that. But not attractive skinny, more like malnutrition skinny. I'm also black, did I mention that?

My stomach is grumbling. I ignore it. It does it again. Ok fine I am hungry. I also do not see a phone in the room. I need to call the police, about the home invasion and my self-defence.
Yes I'm going out to report the crime, not to get something to eat. Yes I'm going straight to the nearest law enforcement I can find. Not to get something to eat. No sir.
Standing up I reach for my wallet. I look at it.
It is the first familiar thing I see since I woke up. I look in side. No bills, no coins either for that matter. There is a ID. I read it. A California Driving license, Name Saskia Jefferson. Born May 1st 1959 in Los Santos USA. The name says nothing to me, the place of birth sounds familiar.

"Wat?" Did I mention I'm feeling very eloquent today?

I check in the only reflective surface I can find, the window, and look at the refection. The face that is looking back at me fits the photo ID. But I'm almost sixty? I don't feel sixty. And from I can see in the reflection this woman, well I also don't. My stomach grumbles again. Ok fine. I know I'm hungry, but I have no money. My stomach grumbles again. I look at the stack of bills next to the man. My stomach grumbles some more.
"Ok but if we get arrested for murder AND robbery it is all on you." I say looking accusatory at my stomach. It says something about the state of your sanity if you are yellings at your own body parts.

I grab the money on the floor and go out.
First door turn out to be the closet. That was embarrassing.
Second door lead outside.
Now I go out.


Turns out there is a pizza place something like 300 meters from where I woke up.
Going inside I find the place not really all that clean but whatever I'm not that picky. I get my order and sit down to eat.

"This is A Raid!" I hear some young man yelling pointing a pistol at the guy behind the counter. I know the drill I duck under the table.

"Ryder? Not this again"The cashier doesn't look impressed or worried.

"What You talking About It 'aint me fool" The robber replays.

The somewhat calm delivery is at odds with the situation. The patrons are covering just like I do. But they don't seem all that worried.
Ryder? I recall that name. I look at the only other person still standing. A young man in white T-shirt.
That's Carl Johnson, CJ.
There is shooting around me. Somehow I don't pay it much attention.
The Cashier, Ryder and CJ run out of the place. The patrons return to their seat. I walk outside.
The cashier is running after a retreating pick up firing a shoot gun. I look around.
There is a barber shop in front of me. There is an auto repair shop to the right.
I look at the name of the Pizza place.
"Well Stacked Pizza."
Men in purple are walking around in groups.

If I was writing this, I do fancy my self some what a writer, I would have my focus character have a blue screen of death flashing before its eyes.
But People don't do that. So no error message in my view.
Carl Johnson, cars of makes I never heard of driving down the streets.
I'm in the world of the video game Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.

"MOTHERFUCKER!" I yell at the top of my lungs

'Fuck it' I think to myself, 'we will see how its goes.'
I'm also still hungry.
I get back to the pizza place to finish my meal and maybe get another.
Eat now, think later.


Two meals and 20$ of my attacker money later. My head was far clearer, and I begun to take stock in the situation.
I was a self-insert in caricature of early 1990's USA.
San Andreas. Los Santos, and Gonton were not a good places to be in.
How I got here was really not important. Getting out was.

My train of thoughts was derailed by the sound of gun shoots to my left. I dropped flat. Two cars drove by with the passengers on both were shooting at each other. The engines roar as they speed by. The moment they were out of sight I got to my feet and run straight to the room I woke up in.

It was a short distance but I was out of breath after not more that a hundred meters. After that the best I put myself to was nothing more that a casual jog.
Still I run up stairs and in the apartment that was either mine, or the guy that I murdered. The moment I got inside I grabbed the gun still on the floor and rammed the magazine in the mag well.

Safety off, slide back. Round in the chamber. I put the safety back on. The gun was ready. I spot the single cartridge on the floor. I bent over to pick it up, pulled the clip out. Screw you I'm calling them clips from now on. I put the round in the clip counted the rounds inside. Eleven rounds.

That action finished, I collapse out of breath.
God damn it! I never was this much out of shape. I used to run half marathons in my training routine.
This woman was a wreck!

What could I do. So far I didn't alert the authorities to the 3 shootings that took place in the span of last 30 minutes.
I looked at the dead body on the floor.
I evaluated my options.

Option one: Do nothing. Nope not happening.
Option two: Call the cops ,see what happens.
For all I known this apartment could be his, and I was the one on the wrong side of the law. If that was true the best I could hope for was self-defence in a domestic dispute.
Option Three: Skip town. Yeah and go where Einstein. San Andreas is an Island water on every side. The smell was beginning to get offensive. I need clearer air to think.

Screw it. I just killed a man. I'm calling the cops.


The first place I got to was the Barber Shop. The barber looked like someone that would let me use his phone. I hoped.
Going through the door. Getting through the door an elderly got out from his seat.

"Saskia, long time no see." He greeted me."Here for a hair cut. My skill in those new fancy lady hair styles is not that impressive but I will do what I can."

That surprised me. The man knew me by name and I forgot his. In my defence he was just a single mission NPC. I always just picked the most expensive cut from the list and that was that.

"Well sir, I'm not here for that" I said politely."I hate to trouble you but would I be posible for me to use your phone. I need to call the police."

"What happened?" He asked, I couldn't read him all that well, but he did look concerned.

"You know where I live?" I asked testing the waters.

"Yes, you have a little apartment in a house near by." Good to know maybe the apartment was mine. My case started to looking far better.

"Well I was attacked. Someone barded in and kicked me when I was sleeping." I told my story."We struggled, I got my hands on his gun, I panicked I fired. He is dead, I think."
No need to tell him I fired a couple of rounds at a man curled up in a foetal position.

"Oh my Lord" the man exclaimed"Please sit down. I will call them for you." The man mentioned for the seat, and picked up a phone that hanged on the wall. He dialled an number that I assumed was 911. Holding the receiver to his ear, he turned to me. "It is terrible what is happening in this neighbourhood, decent folk being attacked in their own homes.

I sat down on the chair he pointed. For the first time I got a good look at my face. Crack Whore and Junky were one of the kindest descriptions that could be applied to me.
I tuned out what the man was saying over the phone. I was fully engrossed in the study of my face and features. I rolled up my sleeves and checked my hands for needle marks. Thankfully I didn't found any. One bullet dodged I guess. Still this body had potential, a lot of healthy food and she, well I, could look somewhat presentable.

"Saskia, the Police said there will be over soon." he said "So in the hour or 5 that you wait, why don't you get a hair cut?"

I don't know was it him gently pointing out I have a crews nest on my head, or if he was trying to get my money. If the later joke on him the money is not mine. I already spend 20$ why not a bit more. Plus I wondered I he could do the same magic he could in-game. Turning CJ default short hair in a mo-hawk was bullshit not to mention clean shave CJ could walkout with a goat tie. If he could do something like that, maybe, just maybe, I could do something in this world. If I got landed on this perversion of caricature of Los Angeles I may have some fun with it.

"That sounds good, anything you can recommend?" I asked

"Girl I can torn you in to Foxy Brown"

The mental image of me with a full blown afro was too hilarious. I let out a snort of amusement. At least that was my intention. What escaped my lips was a very girly giggle. Stupid body with stupid muscle memory. Does muscle memory even work like that. You know what muscle memory is my story and I'm sticking with it. I do not giggle like a school girl.

"You know what please, Sir do your magic!"


That was not the best idea I had. Turns out the guy could do a lot but there was no re-do button. So yeah, I sat there with a Pam Grier afro.
The man looked very pleased with himself. I paid him the 500$ he asked for. Wow. That was close one third off all the money I had. Still what ever I will most likely end up in jail very soon. The cops were not here yet. I told the nice and very expensive barber that I'm going to get something. And will be back in a jif. He said that its no problem if the cops show up before I comeback he will just direct them to my place. Somehow I suspected he thought I'm skipping town. Not that I'm that good at reading people but he ended with.
"I wish you the best of luck, and take care of yourself."
Not the 'see you soon' he gave CJ in-game, then again CJ did have him call the cops on himself. Maybe the guy wished me luck dealing with the police. So I'm 50/50 on that one.
My next stop was "Binco" store a bit down and on the other side of rail-road tracks.
The motto "more trash for less cash" that hang over the entrance was very much fitting. But the clothes they had was clean unlike what I had on.
I chose long pants and a jacket. Total purchase of 97$. Yes officer the guy I shot had 1237$ on him. No way was it 1854$. I did not spend 617$ of the man I murdered on going to a restaurant getting my hair done and buying new clothes. No Sir Mister Officer Sir.
The rags, I had on went in to a plastic bag, guess the cops would want them. I doubt they will test for gun powder residue as I was very much going to tell the that yes he is dead and I shot him. Still evidence and all that.

As I walked back in the direction of my residence.
A teenager stopped me. He was wearing green to inform people of his gang affiliation. The yellow joint in his hand was lit.

"Lady you should have not called the cops." He said puffy cannabis smoke in my direction. What, I do know how it smells I was a teenager once. A life time ago, and a world way.

"And why is that?" I asked, the kid was laid back and didn't look intimidating. I didn't fear him. I maybe in a body that a strong brease could flip over but 9 years doing security told me enoght to atleast defend myself. I mentally kicked myself for thinking like this. He was in the gang. One of him was no problem four of him with baseball bats and Tec-9 would make a short work of me.

"Lady you shoul'd have called me. There is a body in at your pad I could make it go away, and it wouldn't even cost you that much."

I rolled my eyes.

"You are about as big as I am, you would be able to lift him." I said. For somereason I put my hand on my side and cocked a hip. Ok clearly that was just muscle memory.

"Shit, not like I would do it alone I would help you move it or something." He looked afronted,"And put some meat on those bones no nigger wants a skinny bitch."

"I apprecheate your input, but could you kindly. Fuck off."

"You nasty ass skank ass bitch!" He spat in my direction. "This a free country and I will hand where ever I wish to, skank ass bitch."

In the corner of my eye I spot some purple.

"Tell that to them." I said pointing in the direction of four men in purple.

The kid took one look in the direction and went off running like the hounds of hell were on his heels.

"Hehehe" The lought made me spin in its direction.

An old guy got up from a porch. How did I not see him sitting there was beyond me. This body situational awarness sucked ass.

"Don't mind my grandson." said the old timer. "He acts like a big bad Grove Street OG but he is a good kid."

"No problem sir."I said smiling, so far only positive interactions I had in this world was with old men. The cashier in both the Pizza place was going on autopilot and the girl at binco was far to cherry for it to be real. "I don't mind."

"Johnny is a good kid. He used to live with me, but now that this area is full of those boys that wear purple, he needs to stay at his aunt."

Even if the oldtimer was friendly, I really seen on point of me talking to him. He reminded me of my naybour in my first appartment building. Nice friendly and always happy to talk. Problem is he kept telling the same 4 stories over and over again. The one how he wanted to go invade Czechoslavakia with the others in 1967 was one of his favorites. Considering now is 1992 ,or 91 need to check that, and he looked over 80, I have no time for his story about how he hunted Pancho Villa. Man my math sucks. He was far to young for that. Back then he was still going to school.

"Well sir I have to go and wait for the police and probably get arrested."I said "So if you don't mind I be going now."

"Its good to hear you young people still have some respect for your elders." The smile the guy gave me was radiant. His teeth were pearly white."I think you wont get arrested, today. Just tell the cops how he kicked you when you was sleeping and how you shot his balls off inself defence."

"How do you know about that?" I asked actually curious. I did not told this part to the barber.

"You live here long enough to know news travel fast." I rased a single eyebrow at that. Ok it maybe skinny and the wrong sex but my real body never could do that. Yay for muscle memory.

"He you know how old people are, we have far to much time on our hands. Missis Kennedy told me, she said seen the whole thing, But I doubt she did. The old bat probably heard in and passed it along."

All hail the geriatric brigade! I though bitterly. Why is it that old people consider looking out the window to be more interesting that the TV. In my old life when one time the police dropped me off at my place, the news was that I'm a gangster. The second time it happened every old lady on the block thought I was in the Police. Old gossips are the same in every city.

"Sir I really need to get going."

"You are a goof kid, Saskia" Great another person that knows my name."So I tell you this. Don't go to you place, theres a dead body there. Go to the gym or the pizza place. Either way it will put some meat on your bones."

Yet another person telling me I look skinny. The annoying thing was they were right. I did look like a walking sceleton.

"Thanks for the tip." I said smiling, Noticed I do smile a lot. I blame the germans for that one."I will be going to the gym now."

"Good for you, healthy body healthy mind."

"Sir I you don't mind me asking." he montioned for me to continue."Could I get the number of your dentist." I smiled for the first time showing my teeth. I know how they looked like, yellow is not a color teeth shound have.

"No problem" he reached for his pocket and pulled out a visit card with a phone number and an address. I will be checking that place out if no one arrests me today. "You got to the gym and let off some steam. I will call them if the cops arrive."

Yeah Gym sounded right about right. If CJ could go from a skinny guy to a bodybuilder in something like a week in-game. Maybe, just maybe, this stick figure of a body gets to look like a human being in a month or so.


The gym was nothing special. It was a gym.
As I entered the gym trainer, I guess he was the owner approached me.

"You looking for someone?" I was expecting something like this. I was not your standard clientèle.

"No, came to get in shape." I replied

The guy gave me a one over saying I needed it. Oh screw you to.
I got to the treadmill and turned it on. Level 1 was way too slow for me. I pushed the button till level 7 till I got any real work out done. I'm my real life I was no sprinter, long distance running was more my thing. But here, I had no problem sprinting. It was a bizarre experience.
Outside the tread mill I couldn't run 100 meters, here the number on the treadmill was going just turned in four digits and I had no problem keeping my pace.

"Hey lady, cops are at your place" It was the owner that called out. I said my thanks and got off.

Turns out this little treadmill time did wonders for my condition. I think I managed to sprint good 300 meters before dropping to a jog.

As the guy said there was a police car parked on the side walk.
I walked in the building head high.


"Hey this Is a crime scene." Said a cop as I tried to get in the door of my apartment. There were two uniform cops inside. As I got in the one of them was going through the pockets of the dead guy.

"I know I'm the one who called."

"Oh, you seen what happened?" He asked

"Yes Sir."It was funny calling a guy ten years my junior a sir.

As I gave my statement. The two of them looked bored. The moment I extended my hand with the money in it they both perked up. One cop snatched the money from my hand and started counting.

"I don't know how much it is." I said faking ignorance."I'm not good with numbers"

"There is 50 bucks here." Turns out my body has a great poker face. Not as single muscle twitched, on my face. I just gave him something like over 1000$.

I extended my hand with the plastic bag. Here are the clothes I had on, that's evidence right.

The one not counting the money took it from me.

"There was also this." I said taking out the gun. I'm not that stupid. I didn't just pulled a gun on two police officers. I held it by the barrel with my thumb and forefinger.

The pistol went in the same plastic bag my stinking clothes were. Real professional there.

"Yeah this looks like a clear case of self-defence." Said the one with the money. Then he came close to me. Looked me in the eyes and added. "Don't do it again. Will be watching."

"Sir, yes sir."

"Good keep clean now." Then he walked out.

"What about the dead guy?" I called out after them as they descended the stair case.

"Call the morgue." said one to the other and they were gone.

That was one surreal experience. Deciding I don't want to wait in a room with a dead guy, I went out for a walk.
As I walked I started thinking. So this is San Andreas, what I do know about the place. Not much turns out.
I did remember two spots in the area where I could find guns, but that was about it.
'Emmet' he is a guy that gave CJ a gun ,for free I might add, in one of the early mission.
Hell so far I had a good track record with old guys around here. On the other hand, the guy sold guns, he didn't just gave them away. I nixed the idea. The one other place I remembered was next to the train station. There was a MP-5 behind a little wall.

It doesn't hurt to try. I decided and went on my way. As I walked through a residential area a taxi parked on a drive way in front of me. The driver got out and went in to the house. I just stood there observing.
There was a taxi and no one in it.
As casually as I could I approached. I looked around. No one was looking at me.
Ok this is the GTA world. I tried my luck. The doors were opened. I got in. The keys were in the ignition.
This can't be that easy.


Turns out it was that easy. I just drove out of the drive way and out in to the city. Funny thing about the taxi. Someone said it was to be a Chevrolet Caprice. I didn't see the resemblance. Another thing I found interesting. Was the gear box. It was an automatic, so surprise here, this was America. It was strangely marked though. G S and B. Turns out those letters were Drive, Neutral and Reverse. "Go" "Stop" and "Back" I guess. As for the radio. The best thing about it was the OFF button. Now I was down town, the taxi light was one and I was looking for a fare. My first costumer was a young girl in trashy clothing. She wanted to go to down town Ammu-Nation. Turns out with out the map and an icon navigating Los Santos was not that easy.

That was not really a problem. The problem was, all the other matherfuckers on the road!
I did not see a single person use a blinker. I actually checked the car I was driving if they actually worked.
Yes they worked, so why was no one using theirs boggled the mind. It was like Germany all over again.
Also who the hell gave all those people driving licences. I seen something like 50 accidents and traffic violations.
It irked me.
But when in Rome. I never run so many red lights in my life.

Still I drove for hours, I had to drive to a gas station twice. Turns out there is no such thing as infinite fuel. Good to know. Finding fares was not as easy as it was in game, but it was still quite easy. I seen someone trying to flag down a cab every 5 minutes or such. I had 7 costumers before someone asked me to drive them to the train station. Parking the cab I went to a place I know a SMG was.
There was no SMG in sight. Guess you wont find guns just right there on the floor. That would be silly. Then I remembered the talk with the cops. This was a silly place. I started knocking on the pavement. My search yielded results. One of the tiles was loose. I lifted it and found a brand new MP-5 Sub-machine gun. As with the 1911 the only writing on the side said Sub Machine Gun.

I ran to the cab and hid the weapon under the driver seat.
It was when I started having trouble keeping my eyes opened, that I decided to go back.
I parked next to the Pizza place. Not wanting to go back to the whole in the wall that was my apartment I went to sleep in the cab.


Waking up the next day, the first thing I did was get breakfast, a salad at the pizza place. Then I gone to the Gym. and tried the dumbbells. I was 'Pumping Iron' till the trainer guy told me that I had enough and I shouldn't over train. He shoo-ed me out after that.

The gym works by magic, in real life you don't go from, famine victim to having pronounced biceps after a single gym session.

If this place worked like that I decided I'll getting a job.
A nasty smirk appeared on my lips, oh I going to do some game braking.


Operation job hunting was progressing nicely.
That is I parked my stolen taxi in front of the Police Precinct.
Got inside and asked are there any openings for the police academy. People I asked were looking at me like I grown a second head. That however did not deter me. I keep asking question till I find out. There was no such thing as a police academy. They did have a lecture hall in the basement though. I got a form to fill out.
The form was fairly standard. It turned out I only needed to write everything I had on my driving license.
After that I got a multiple choice test.
You remember those multiple choice test you had to fill out in school, those easy things that you only needed to attend class and listen to get a passing grade?
If I told you this one was easier I would not be giving this thing justice.
Under each question there were 3 answers.
'Yes' 'No' and 'Que?'. No really the third option was 'what' in Spanish.
And the questions were even more of a joke. The first asked me if I was an illegal alien. Next asked me am I on drugs. My favourite was 'a driver flips you off is it ok to shoot him'. I ended up circling 'No' under every single one.
After tense 3 minutes where some overweight officer checked my test I was told, to comeback Monday 8 AM sharp. I had to ask what day was today. One awkward look and an answer later I was out the door. So its Friday today good to know.

Going out of the precinct I had mixed feelings about the whole thing. On the one hand GTA Police was a joke, they would be glad to have me. On the other, GTA Police was a joke, the hell I was doing around those idiots?

I had the whole weekend to burn.
I had my routine all planned out. Wake up, go to the gym, train. Go to the pizza place, eat. Get on my BMX. No, I have not stolen it. It was just standing there all alone in the skate park. Drive to the beach swim. Get bach to my bike. Go to sleep. Repeat.

I know what you are thinking. I'm grinding like there is no tomorrow. But you know what? Have you ever got instant results from your training. No? Me neither, I gain something like 20kg, yes some of that was fat, but the rest was pure muscle. I never was in such a shape. Not even right after getting out of the army. Hell I was confident that I could take my Army self on with this body and win!
Do I sound far to please with my self. That's the endorphins for you. Natural high that does not cost a dime! Yeah me. Going to sleep was far easier now. Oh did I mentioned. I'm sleeping back in my apartment. The dead body was gone. The morgue people most likely. I was out so I don't really know.

But lets get back to me sleeping better. You know the saying. 'I'm laughing because if I don't laugh I'll start crying.'
You don't? Well, it applies to my situation. I'm in a hostile world, no way to get home, and I'm in a body that is not mine. Luckly there are no mirrors in my apartment. Tomorrow I will start my Police training.


Police training sucks! The guy giving us lectures says everything in the most bored voice imaginable. I slapped my face four times not to fall asleep, and it not even 8:30. I wouldn't be so bad if I could learn something from those lectures. But no, what they are giving us is security guard one-oh-one. Fuck I could give the same lecture he does and do it better. This is the third time I'm taking this same fucking lecture. First in Poland for the stupid 2012 Euro Football Championship, then in Germany because Germans don't recognise Polish security certificates, now in made up US of A. I check my schedule 100 hours of lectures. Ten hours a day five days a week. After that we have 50 hours physical training. After that we get practical training with a training officer. 100 hours. So in Los Santos it takes 250 hours or 5 weeks to become a respected officer of the law.

The guy is still going on about fire extinguishers. And to make it even better he gets things wrong. I hope you do try to put out a electric fire with water extinguisher, like you just told a class off 50 people. Idiot!
As for my class, I'm the oldest person here. At 33 I'm 10 years older that the oldest guy here.
Wait back up, did I say 50 people, its only 45 now. Five guys walked out already.

Before the class started I didn't get the chance to talk with anyone but I did to a cursory glance
There are only 4 other women in the class, making me the fifth. There are 12 black people in the class making me the 13th. Did I mentioned I'm black? No, must have slipped my mind. If you wake up with a different gender little things like the melanin level in your skin don't even register.

As I try to occupy my mind with something better to think about someone passes me a note.

"Miss please read to the rest of the class what is so important that you are passing notes in class instead of paying attention." The lecturer noticed, he may have the most boring voice of any human alive but he does have a sharp eye.

I stand up and pretend to read, might as well have some fun. As I do stand up the guy next to me that passed me the not tenses up.

"Is this guy for real? I seen more spunk in a dead seagull. Also what is he smoking? He told us we should use water to put out fire on electric wiring. He should do exactly that maybe he wake the fuck up. Dumb ass cracker."
A chorus of laughter comes from the class.
The guy next to me is white so the last part was there just so he won't get in trouble.
Well the lecturer looks far more lively that a second before, there is far more colour on his face that before.

"Bring that note here!" The guy is livid.

I crumble the note in my hand and put it in my mouth.

"Sorry sir I think I must have lost it." I say.

"You think your so funny!"The lecturer says.

"Not particularly, no. Sir" I reply, truthfully for a change.

"Sit back, down!!!"The guy says through gritted teeth.
I do as ordered. The rest of the lecture is even less interesting. The guy is now reading to us from a manual.
Fuck my new life!


Nine hours later the lecture is over. Every body gets up and cue to the exit. I find it ironic that a lecture about fire code was conducted in a hall that does not keep to it. The single door is far to narrow.

I can't wait to get out.
Outside I find that someone stole my bike. Looks I will be walking. I can't wait till physical training start. Got to be in the best shape possible. Swimming it is. I guess I can squeeze in four hours in before I need to turn in for the night.
5.6. New


New member

I will not bore you with stories how my schooling went. It was ongoing, let's leave it at that. What I'll tell you about is that I realized that the lack of human interaction was not doing my sanity any favors.

In an attempt to reconcile that I purchased a pack of Redwood cigarettes.

What do cigarettes have to do with human interaction you ask. Quite a lot actually. Every indoor workplace or a school, in this case, has a place where smokers gather.

Sometimes it's a designated smoking area, but usually, it is by a dumpster behind the building. While this building had a grandiose name of Los Santos Police Headquarters smoking was done in the parking lot. I call it the Marlboro country.

This school was no different. People talk when you are out for a smoke. I never was the social butterfly, I usually play the role of a class clown of sorts. Clowns tend to be lonely people in my experience. So this place was a good as any to meet new people. Cigarette brakes served me well since high school. I went to adult high school so it's all good, no underage smoking, in this story.

I made some progress. While I did talk to most people in my class. I focused on and managed to befriend two of the people there. Yay me.

Their names were Carlos Mendez and Jenny Clay. Why did I single those two out? The reason was simple Carlos lived in Vagos gang territory, Jenny live in Ballas held area. I hang around the Grove Street Families turf. So together we had the whole set. See I do plan for future.

I did say I will not bore you with my school stuff but this I need to mention.
Turns out Carlos and Jenny were not that bright. I was forced to do their written tests for them. All the test were multiple answer type. So I just gave the answers with hand signals to them. I'd like to say that all of us were now straight A students, we weren't, but we were getting passing grades and that was all that mattered.

Soon after that the two of them were following me like lost puppies. They were good kids. I said kids because Carlos was twenty, and Jenny was twenty one.

Carlos had a kid on the way, and his girlfriend parents did not think him as good enough for her daughter. Strange piece of logic there, he was not in a gang and looked clean of any control substances. Considering the type of people that walked the streets the guy could be superman.
The reason he joined the force was so he would have a respectable job, and be a good provider for his new family. He told me of his plan.
Go his girl house in full uniform with the ring in hand and ask the father for the hand of his daughter.

Jenny’s reason for trying to join was simple. Protection. She hoped that the uniform would make her untouchable for the gangs. Her world view was somewhat interesting. For her the force was just one more gang. The only one that has the army with Tanks on speed dial.

I felt somewhat bad about what I was going to use them for. They were to be my ears and eyes in Ballas and Vagos hoods. They were not some NPC, who’s dialogue keep looping. They were living breathing human beings with hopes desires and opinions.


The physical training was even more of a joke that the theoretical part. Hit a dummy with a nightstick. Run 5 laps around the sport hall, practice compliance holds on each other. twice a week get on a bus to Ammu-Nation shooting range and pass the pistol shooting course. Repeat for 5 days.


Then there was a practice part of the whole thing. Each of us, there was only 33 left, got paired with a training officer. I came prepared, under my brand new squicky clean uniform was an armour vest.

I got paired up with Officer Richards. Around forty picture, square jaw, sharp look in his eyes. The picture perfect hard ass right out of 1980's cop drama. I was expecting to get in some heavy shit riding shotgun with the guy. Like the movie Training Day, with Denzel Washington. Or something like that.

I did not know how to feel about it. On one hand this is what I came to the LSPD for. On the other well this was my life and limb on the line.


Well what I expected was not what I got. After picking up my gun from the lock up, singing off the police cruiser form the motor pool, I played just chauffeur for the guy.
First stop, the Donut Shop in Market, where Officer Richards got Coffee, for him only. Then we were off to Burger Shot where Officer Richards got burgers, for him only. Then we were off to a liquor store where Officer Richards got beer, for him only. Then we were off to Las Colinas were officer Richards paid a visit to his girlfriend. Officer Richards had a ring on his finger. You get the picture.

But it wasn't all bad. As I waited outside the strip club, there was a yell from some lady and a young man running away.

And this is where I'm now. Standing under a tree that the purse snatcher climbed in an idiotic attempt to evade me.

People gathered around me snickering as I just stood there and wondered what to do.

“Get down!” I ordered.


Well that was a bust, I was not about to try to climb after him, that was a good way to get kicked in the face by the person above. Shaking the tree was right out, the thing was just too thick fore it.

“If you get down now, I will just make you give the purse back and apologize.” I offered, a reasonable deal if I say so myself. “No jail time or anything.”

“Shot him down” came from behind me. The people around me were enjoying the show far too much.

“I’m counting to ten. If you won’t get down by then. You are getting busted for robbery resisting arrest and insulting an officer of the law.”

“Hey I ain’t said a word to you.” The idiot protested.

“I’m standing here looking at your sorry ass, that is insulting enough.”

“Shoot the nigga,” and hecklers were at it again.

“One!” I counted.

“Nigga stay strong!” Now someone was encouraging the guy.

“Ten!” I said “Time’s up!”

“Wat with two and all the rest?” He had the gall to ask.

“I’m not good with numbers.”

“You pop his ass girl!” yet another heckler a female voice this time.

“You stay strong brother!” more calls from the peanut gallery.

Ok I was not going to shot the guy over a purse, plus it would look very stupid on my report.

“You know what, I’m going to ask around, I’m going to find your Momma and she will get to work on you.”

“Man that’s cold”, “Police brutality”,”Nigga run!!!” and others such things came from my audience.

But it got the job done. The guy got down, the purse was returned and I cuffed him and got him in my car. The onlookers went on their way figuring the show was over.

“Why you have to be such a hard ass?” He asked. ”Shit no cop ever chased me for more than two blocks.”

“Lucky you, I actually like running.” I said closing the door of the car with him in it. “What do they call you?” he didn’t have any ID on him. I checked.

“I’m Ninja Dog.” He said proudly. I guess it did fit, kind of; he was quite fast climbing up that tree.

“Hey we not moving.” He pointed out as I sat back on the cars hood. Very observant that one.

“We waiting for my partner.”

“Hey you can’t keep me here, I have rights and shit!”

“Oh yeah,” I said mentally kicking myself. ”You have the right to remain silent anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law. You have a right for an attorney, if you can’t afford an attorney one will be provided for you.”

Look at me, all professional and shit. First day on the beat and my first arrest.

This is depressing.


Officer Richards finally decided to return. He was looking quite pleased with himself. The happy expression lasted till he saw that someone was sitting in the back seat.

“The fuck is this!” he asked.

“Purse snatcher.” I said. I was half bored to tears. ”Sir”

“You know how much paper work booking this shit will take, do you Rookie?”

“Sir, no sir.”

“Well a lot, like 15 minutes worth.” He run his hair over his hair. “And we have to drive back to the precinct. Get in, the sooner we off load him the better.”

I complied without a word.

As we drove back Richards took a long look at the perp.

“He doesn’t look hurt.” He commented

“He surrendered.”

“Ah uhm…” Richards looked forward. “That never happens.”

“I said I will call his mom on him if he didn’t”

That got me a slap on my shoulder. I may have been hitting the gym like no tomorrow, but I was still smaller that man.

“You know what Rookie you are not half bad.”

“Thank you Sir.” I rolled my eyes at that.

“As reward you get to book him all by yourself.”

“Thank you, Sir” Yay me. Let’s hope tomorrow will be better.


The next day had is pros and cons.
Cons it was a night shift. Pro Richards told me he is going to sleep and I'm not to wake him.
So I'm left to my own devices.

So I just cruise through Idlewood, at walking pace. One may think that the ghetto in Los Santos is a none stop action.
Not really, the cars behind me keep honking their horns for me to drive faster, I just wave my hand for them to go around.
Oh a group of men in purple is making what I guess is a rude gesture at me. That's nice. A block further a group in green does the same thing, also lovely.
Then I hear over the radio a call for noise disturbance. I know the address I did buy a map and start memorizing street name. It is just down the block.
Time to put down a house party. Something to do, I'm all excited for the new experience.


'I hate domestics!'
I hoped for a house party I got a man and a woman yelling at each other. You may think, kicking the shit out of a wife beater would be something I would enjoy. The problem is it is him that has a busted nose. I hold her back as she is trying to do more bodily harm to the guy. At least we are not on the street so no onlooker running blow by blow commentary.
My attempt at verbal communication fell flat on their ass. The lady doesn't ever acknowledge my words. She just keeps yelling about "fucking pig", "deadbeat" "good for nothing".
The guy goes on "bitch is crazy", "I didn't do nothing."
As I keep the lady from scratching the guy's eyes out I do get a good look at the house they live in. The house is clean and looks like is being taken good care of. The kids look well feed and not really bothered by the whole thing that much. I suck at telling stories. I forgot to mention the kids. There are 4 of them two boys two girls. The oldest just plays his video game on the TV in the living room. Two girls are playing with their dolls and the third kid is doing homework in the kitchen. The only thing bad I can say about the whole thing is that the kids should be in bed at night. But with all the shouting going on I don't blame them.

Well, diplomacy failed. Time to get forceful. I cuf the lady to the radiator. The man protest that course of action. I pushed him in the closet and hold the door down.
It didn't as I hoped to put an end to the shouting, however, the focus changed. Now I'm the bad guy. 'Pig', 'fascist', 'don't you put hands on my man', and 'let go of my woman'.
At least they are not yelling at each other. I put that in the win chategory. It also had the added effect of the kids taking notice.
Now all four of them sit on the couch and are looking intently at me.
Did I mentioned that I hate domestics?

This is going to take a while.


It took the better part of the hour before the loving couple run out of steam. Verbally, he was far more calm, she kept trying to rip the radiator she was still cuffed to from the wall. you have to admire the dedication, if not the logic, it was her radiator. Ripping it off the wall would not change the fact she was attacked to it.

"Hey lady, you rip that thing out you only get water damage to your carpet." I said. She stopped struggling.

'Wow, that actually worked' I was quite surprised.

"So are you going to tell me what this all is about?" in for a penny in for a pound. It was not like I was going anywhere any time soon.

"Its about that fat skank at 24-7" she suppied

"Men I didn't do shit, you know I love you!" came from the closet.

"You still going to that store!"came from the chained woman.

"Its close by!"came a riposte

"It wouldn't kill you to walk three blocks more!"

I waited for the conversation, to continue. As it didn't for a moment. I spoke.

"See now we are talking. Exchanging opinions and grievances. So will you tell me your names?"
Again no one spoke. It was the little girl on the couch that spoke up.

"Daddy called Jeffrey my new Mommy's called Helen."

"Snitch!"came from the girl next to her. followed by "be nice to your sister!" form the oldest boy.

"Jeffrey will you from now on go to the store that is further away?" I asked the guy still in the closet.

"...yes." I got a reluctant confirmation.

"Helen will you be nice and try to talk to your husband, if I take the cuffs off."

"I guess."

"You guess or do you know?"

"I won't hit him!" Oddly specific but I'll take it.

"Ok I'm going to let Jeffrey out of the closet and then I will uncuff Helen. Then I going to walk out that door. And I don't want to get any more calls to this address today. Is that understood?"
That got a nod from Helen and a grunt of consent from the closet.
I did as I said I would. The two of them were docile enough as I walked out. What a nice family.


Walking out of the door, I noticed something. A black guy in white t-shirt jeans and a black mask was carrying a TV set to a black van. I known him. Or at least known of him. That was Carl 'CJ' Johnson. Ok this was stupid. I been in this caricature of a town for over a month already. In all that time the guy didn't get pass the burglary missions? I was half expecting him to getting in gang wars and taking over territories at that point.
Worst still there was a police car in the drive way just next door to the house he was robbing. He just put the TV in the van and went to the house across the street. I guess what ever deities that run this place were telling me to get on with the program.

I pulled out my gun and put my back flat to the wall next to the house entrance. I had no plan other that, confront the guy and hope it will not bet to a shoot out. He must have some fire power on him.

I didn't wait long till he got out with another TV.
I put my gun to his temple.

"Slowly put the TV down." I said calmly. I was not feeling calm.

"Shit lady chill!"He said he was quite tense, he didn't even look at me. "I'm putting it down see."

Now lay down flat on your stomach and put you hands on the back of your head. He complied with out a fuss. Maybe this thing counted as a cut scene. Or maybe the rules of the game did not apply. I put the cuffs on him and read him his right.

Ok, now what? I was in uncharted territory.
7.8. New


New member

I was expecting frisking down CJ to be like disarming the Germans. Turns out the only thing he had on him was a spray paint can knuckle-dusters, a shovel and flowers. I let him keep the flowers. In his pocket was 768$. No, seriously that was everything he had. I need to remind you I was in this city for the last one and a half month and I had more money on me than he did. Maybe he bought himself a house or something. I know for a fact that he was here about as long. I did see him in the Pizza place, with Ryder. That was the first thing he did after his mother funeral. He wasn't hitting the gym I would have seen him. He was kind of overweight on top of that.

My brain was doing over time. Minimum of 50 days since he got here. That is 120 minutes gameplay 90 if he spends 6 hours each day sleeping like I do.
This was dangerous, he was a Player Character, an incompetent player character but a player character none the less. Could I tell him that the people he calls friends Big Smoke and Ryder are responsible for his mothers death. Would he believe me?
Or maybe I was going about it all wrong. Maybe if I just put a bullet in the back of his head, this whole world will cease to exist. Then agai he may just wake up just wake up in a hospital tomorrow, and I will have an vengeance seeking immortal after my head?

"We doing this or what?" CJ said form his position on the pavement. He was still there, still on his stomach.

"Sorry about that." I said as I pulled him to his feet. I took the stupid thief mask off him.

His expression give me pause. It was one of impatience. The look he was giving me yelled "Get on with it". The thing was, he was right. Welp, lets bite the bullet.

"CJ my condolences for you mom" Well good start as any.

"Don't you be talking about my Moms." 'Your Honor I like to consider this a hostile witness.'

"Really?" I cocked my head to the side.

"What's this a good cop, no one else routine, officer" He looked at my name tang under my badge. Officer Trainee, Shit you 'aint even a real cop."

"You the one to talk you little shit." I shot back. "The Great Carl Johnson the guy that was to turn the Grove Street Families around. You just a little punk."

"The fuck you on about, You don't know me!!!"

"I know you ran to Liberty after you brother got shot. I know were you live and I know your other brother. How's your sister and he Latino boy friend?" I smiled at the end. I wasn't trying to needle him I was just wondering how far along was he in the story.

"My sis ain't dating now grease ball." Did I just make the Player Character use a racial slur? CJ never said insulted any ethnicity other that his own. The word nigga was more of a pet name then anything else.I looked at the sky. No, the reality was not braking down. It also told me he was still very early in the story. Hell I didn't even know if there was a story. Still, I decided to continue.

"Well you should call Kendl and ask her about it." I said turning my head back to him. "Don't ride her though. She gets enough of that from Sweet. Plus this Ceasar is not half bad."

"So what you know everything? huh?" He was all blister. "Am I to be intimidated? What? You want me to be your informant. Or some shit, 'aint happening"

"Like you dumb shit has anything to inform about. You know a grand total of two people. Ryder and Big Smoke, and you only know what they tell you." Trying to make CJ an informant was like trying to make a mute man sing. Oh he could inform on a lot of crimes, but 99% percent of he was the one perpetrating.

Without any options that were available to me, or at least none that I could think off, I pause. He used that pause.

"So what, You another cop that wants me to run errands for them. Is that it?"

"Why thank you CJ for that lovely suggestion. I will take it under advisement." I said as I walked to the back of the van he was loading.

"Shit that aint what I meant, fuck you!" He yelled behind me. In the van was only one TV set. I picked it up and put it in the garden of the house it came from. As I turned to where CJ was I found he was running full speed away from me, with my cuffs still on his wrist behind his back. Well serves me right for turning my back on a suspect. I was about to run after him, when he tried to jump a waist high fence. He promptly face planted on the other side.

I casually walked in his direction.

"You are dumber that I though." I said pulling his tangled form from the bushes.

"Take those cuff off and show you." He said.

"Boy as dumb as you are I'll get plenty of chances to kick you face in." I said as I thrown him in the back of my car. It woke Richards up.

"The fuck rookie!" He looked in the back."Another one, didn't you have enough paper work yesterday. What is it this time urinating in public?" Yeah fuck you to Richards "Well at least this one has his face scratched." He added with a bit of praise.

"He fell in the bushes trying to get away."

"Yes rookie he did that to himself." It actually sounded like Richards was proud.

"No, really he did. Also the charge is braking and entering, I got him as he was carrying a TV out of a house."

"I was helping a friend move." CJ said from the back

"oh really?" Richards asked "what the friends name?"

"John." CJ tried.

"John what?"

"Johnson uhm son" and failed miserably.

"You know what Rookie, I think you are trying to find yourself a man. And I know your type. Young skinny and the dumber the better."
Yeah, fuck Richards and his sense of humour. Also fuck CJ for being so bad at this game.


We CJ went through booking.
The Sargents on duty exclamation of 'You again' directed at CJ, confirmed my suspicions of him being just bad at this game. I guess this was were all his money went. Bribes for getting out.

As I got out Richards stood by the car.

"Where's my cut rookie?" oh for fuck sake.

"You snooze you lose." A said as I walked around him. He grabbed my arm, stopping me.

"He had 7 dollars and a French fry." I said "And some flowers. The Sargent on duty took the flowers." I lied smoothly.

"Don't you give me lip girl!" this was the most invested I ever seen Richards be "Know your place!"

"Or what?" I crossed my arms over my chest. My uniform shirt had short sleeves. It accented my newly acquired biceps nicely. What I was in a magic place that you could become a body-builder in week. For the last 30 day every moment I had free I hit the gym. If I was not pumping irons I was running, If I was not running I was swimming. Even shorter that him I was certain I could bench press Richards, probably with one handed.

"You watch yourself girl,"He said through gritted teeth "In this job only team players live long."

Ok, that did it.
"You are my training officer! Its your fucking job to show me the ropes. And all you do is drink chase tail or sleep. You have what 20 years on the beat behind your belt and you told me exactly jack and shit. Lets fucking do something for a change!!!"

"Oh, you want to do something!" He spat in my face."Come with me."

I was actually curious what we was going to do. I followed. He walked in the precinct and up two stories and down a long corridor. Richards knocked on the door at the end of it. Words \Interrogation Room' written on the door.

"What" Came from the other side. Shit I know that voice. I don't think there was a movie goer that wouldn't.

"Tenpenny I got fresh meat for you that wants to do something." Fuck, end boss of the game was on the other side.

The door opened and there were three uniformed officers inside.

"Well Richards you in luck we were just about to get started." Smiling face of young Samuel L. Jackson looked right at me.
There was also a naked guy tied to a chair inside. I did not like were this was going.


I was washing my hands in the second-floor women's bathroom. There were no longer any mirrors in it. I couldn't stand the look of that strange woman's eyes on me. Just looking, silent, judgmental. The fact those were my eyes was not lost on me.

I dug out yet another mirror shard out of my knuckles. As for the mirrors, they can bill me.

A female officer got in the bathroom, took one look at me washing the blood off my hands and promptly retreated.

I wiped my hands on the towel and got out.

Outside the door stood Tenpenny and Richards.

"Richards my man, I envy you."Tenpenny said clapping his hand on my training officer arm. "What you have here is a diamond in the rough."

It only got a grunt of consent from him.

"Trainee Saskia Jefferson is a natural talent at this work." he turned to me "Trainee Jefferson, you did this before?"

He asked me did I ever use a person tied to a chair as a punching bag.

"Not that I remember sir." I said. No, I never did.

"See as I said a Natural." Tenpanny gave a good-natured laugh. "I will be seeing you, Trainee Jefferson. I expect good things from you."

As he spoke I kept my hands in my pockets. They wouldn't stop shaking.

The moment Tenpenny left Richards pulled my arm and dragged me to a spot in the corridor where he had some privacy.

"You ok Saskia?" Richards asked. It was the first time he used my name while addressing me. There was real concern on his face. I could wave him off. Somehow I didn't feel like it.

"I don't think I am, Sir." I said downplaying the whole thing. "Are we going back to our patrol? Sir."

"It’s Ruppert, where we are alone."He gave me a kind smile. "It's Officer Richards only when we are on official business. And, no. I think you get to punch out early today. We have a foot patrol at seventeen hundred hours tomorrow. For now go get some rest."

"Yes, Sir." He raised an eyebrow at that. "Thank you, Ruppert." I corrected myself.

"Don't mention it, Rookie. You did good."


After giving my uniform and gun back at the lock up I stood in my Civvies with my back turned to the LSPD HQ. Normally I would go out running at this point or swimming or pump some irons. My head wasn't in it. I just went for a walk.

This was no longer fun. I don't think I ever was, if I was truthful. Yes I enjoyed patrols but that was what I did back in my real life as a security guard. Thing is in my 9 years as one the amount of action I had in those two days was more that I usually got in a year. What I did in my real life was catching shoplifters. Disturbances were usually resolved by calling the cops so they would just pick up the problem and drive him or her to parts unknown. Or, just escorting them of the premises. I needed to relax.

In my funk I didn't notice how far I got. I actually took a look around trying to figure out where I was. Walking willy nilly around Los Santos was a good way to get yourself killed.

I was not in the best part of town. This was East Beach, Vagos territory. I didn't cause any trouble for them, not that I know off anyway. Still the body I was in belonged to a woman that lived in the city for the last 33 years. For all I know she had a shot on sight on her head order. Not really wanting to find out one way or the other I ran in a multilevel parking garage to my left. I needed a vehicle to get back to places I felt safe in. The fact that area was Ganton, was not lost on me. This gang land, bad! Other, gang land, good! Oh, the irony.

The first level was empty, I run up the ramp to the next level up.

What I saw stopped me dead in my tracks.

"Well, hello there gorgeous." I said smiling "What a pretty thing like you doing in a place like this?"

No dear reader, I was not giving a corny line to some skirt, or some beefcake for that matter.

The object of my admiration was a NRG-500 sport bike.

No, not a super bike, this thing was pure bread Grand Prix race motorcycle. Yes this was early 1990's. Where I came from it would be in a museum. Here? This was the best bike in existence. Slick racing tires, sponsors logos on the sides. Calling this thing 'nice' would be like calling the last supper a cool looking graffiti.

In my last life I was never a bike person. Never owned one, I couldn't afford it. I believe I rode a bike only once in my life.

Should I? Could I? Was it a good idea? The answers to those questions were: Nope, better not, not in a million years. In that order!

But I'm doing it anyway. As I jumped on the bike one nagging thought kept sounding in my head. 'I'm going to die aren't I?'

Now where is the clutch?


30 minutes later inside the flood control tunnel, I turned off the engine, extended the stand got off and slowly walked away.

I sat down on the cold concrete and lay flat on my back. I think I was 2 seconds away from a heart attack.

This thing was a beast, this thing was the devil. I will never ever get on a bike again! Let alone that one!

Nope not happening!

Naturally after two minutes I was back on it again!


Take your time try to get a feel for the thing. The flood control canal was the place to do it. No traffic no pedestrians. I was alone with the thing that was actively trying to kill me.

Even the gentlest nudge of the accelerator and the thing was on its back wheel. It actually escaped from under me twice already! If I got it actually moving with me still on it applying the brakes just a little and it was trying to make me face plant on the pavement. I'm buying a helmet first chance I get.

As with most actions I undertook in this world, soon I gather an audience. There was something like 20 kids watching my attempts at taming this demon of steel and plastic.

At this very moment I was going through my first attempt at a burnout. I wouldn't ever try this if it was my own tire but now. I wasn't very concerned with the tire wear. Next thing I tried was doing a donut, again the thing got out from under me.

"Lady you are not very good at this." said one kid that was looking very familiar.

"I noticed," I said with far louder that I intended to, "that why it’s called learning."

"Lady, you ever rode a bike?" He asked as I walked to the monster and put it back on its wheels.

"Don't I know you and shouldn't you be in school?" I shot back, sitting down on the thing.

"Yeah you the lady cop that put Dad in the closet and chained Mom's to the radiator." That made the other kids take notice. Some of them looked like they were about to bolt.

"No wonder you looked familiar, but don't dodge the question, why are you not in school?"

"School is boring watching you fell on your ass again and again is fun."

"I liked you better when you keep your mouth shut." I said “Also, you shouldn't skip school. You will never get a real job if you don't go to school!" See, I was a good influence on the local community.

"School is stupid, I just gonna be a gangsta." The kid flashed a gang sign, three fingers up.

"West coast represent!" some other boy put his two cents in.

"Actually, you do need school.” I just sat on the bike, the engine was off. "If you are dumb you will be a lookout all your life or getting take outs for the guys that actually have a head on their shoulders."

"Hey aren't you suppose to tell us gangs are bad and all that shit?" The kid had a curious if guarded expression.

"You wouldn't listen if I did." I said with a shrug."Being smart is always good, nicer girls will talk to you and you will be able to do more that the simplest jobs."

Looking at the kids I noticed none of them had any green or purple on them. I guessed in GTA World kids were just non-combatants, it was a good expiation as any, why there were no child models in the game. Could I influence the young minds of my listeners in a positive way? Maybe. Would it stick? Doubtful but I could see no harm in trying.

"What if someone isn't smart?" Asked another kid ,a girl this time, it was depressing to see most of the kids nodding their heads at the question.

"Never let anyone tell you, you are not smart!” I said with conviction. "Stupid people say that just so they can make themselves feel smarter."

"Yeah you can say that! You are smart." Said some girl, bless her heart.

"I'm here trying to learn how to ride a bike, and failing. You think that's smart?" Saying that made all, well most of, the kids giggle. "Smart person would stop after falling off first time, or get someone to teach them."

"You talk smart." The girl from before was undeterred.

"What's your name?"

"Veronica" she replied and did a little princess bow, or however that thing was called that she did.

"Well Veronica, it took time for me to learn how to talk like smart people do."I had a smile on addressing her "everybody can learn, it just takes practice."

"So what, you just saying go to school so we can do more in a gang?" said the kid from before, It looked like the other kids made him the designated speaker for the group. "What kind of cop are you?"

"No I"m saying school is like work. You put time in and you get profit from it..."

"School don't give no money!" The kid cut me off mid-sentence.

"Not all profit is money. School gives you a diploma. You have a diploma and even if you go to work in Burger Shot they will not make you clean the toilets but they would make you the manager or shift leader then you can make other people clean the toilets. Isn't that good?"

"Burger Shot is not gangsta." all the kids nodded at that."That's some lame ass shit!"

"How about the army? I asked. "Flying around in a helicopter or driving a tank. No gangsta gets to do that." That got their attention. It also got me thinking, could I get my hands on a helicopter? I need to look in to that one. But that was for later. Now I have to be a positive influence.

"Army doesn't let just any dumbass in." Yup, that was me lying to the kids. Of course Army let any dumb ass in, I was in the army, and I meet my fair share.

"Yeah army is gangsta. I saw a tank once that thing is bad ass!"

"No you didn't Jeffrey." I guess that was the kids little sister.

"Yes I did it was on the train that rode through the hood once." The kid protested.

"Well army is not for everybody. But if you finish school you can get a job in a nice office with air conditioning, sitting on your ass and getting paid. That sounds better that digging ditches in the sun, or stacking boxes in a stuffy warehouse." Well this time I got the kids all nodding. Yay progress!

"Hey lady, where you get the bike." and that was the one question I didn't want the kids asking. Think on your feet, don't say stole, don't say stole.

"I commandeered it!" good one brain.

"What comedy-read means?" Asked one little girl.

"I'm means I took it for a while."

"Isn't that like steal?" The kid, Jeffrey said with his disbelieving face on.

"Nope. I'm the five-oh I get to do that." Lying to the kids, it was so easy. No wonder parents everywhere did it.

"Hey Tyrone!" I heard some women yell in our direction "What You doing there!!!"

"We is talking to the five-oh!!!" one of the kids, Tyrone I guess, yelled back at the woman who I guess was his mother.

"WHAT!!!" I never seen someone jump a fence and run so fast as that woman did.


Well the lady arrival put the end to my impromptu community reach out activities. I didn't drive the bike on the freeway. I wasn't suicidal. I just rode it at a sedated pace down the streets, in the direction of my hole in the wall apartment. As I stopped at a red light, I received a baseball bat strike to my chest. It was aimed at my face but I managed to straighten out before that could happen. It still thrown me off the motorcycle


'Oh! It is on!' Rolling to my feet I went dancing with some would-be car jacker turd. He had a bat, I had my fists.

What? I never said I was a smart person.
9.10. New


New member

Security experience not that helpful in preparing you for a street fight. As security if you end up fighting someone you are never alone. If you are alone you don't fight anyone because they don't pay you enough for this shit.

So here I was doing something that I shouldn't. The first instinct was to hold the attacker down, or at least put him in a position where he cannot hurt you.
That doesn't sound to bad on its own, right? Problem is that the other guy has help, like most thief's do and I was alone.
I'm holding the bat and angling my body so he cannot strike me, and in the corner of my eye see two men running in my direction.
This is bad, I am more or less immobile and about to get in a three on one fight.
Fuck it, I leverage my strength and force the guy to spread his legs so he will not be thrown to the ground. My knee finds its way to the gentlemen groin. I almost cringe as he goes cross eyes from the hit. The bat that we are gripping between us goes lower. Somehow he managed to keep his grip. A headbutt to his nose fixes that problem. Still there are two other guys still running in my direction.
The way I'm holding the bat makes it impossible to do a proper swing. I'm forced to do a jab with the wrong end of the bat at guys number two head.
I was aiming for the nose but hit his forehead. He fell down but is far from out. Guy number 3 is not charging blindly at me anymore he stops,. Still his intent of attacking me have not completely evaporated yet. His hesitation did buy me time to correct my grip on the bat.

I decide to take a page from Eric Cartman's school of conflict resolution.

"RESPECT MY AUTHORITY!!!" I yell and swing the bat at the guy on the ground. He tried to shield himself with his hands. It did cushion that attack, but it still hurt from what I seen on his face. He rolls over on his side. The guy that was about to attack me looked lost for a moment.

"YOU WANT SOME OF THIS!!!" I lift the bat. Turns out he doesn't, at least that what I read from him turning tail and running away. Guy number two gets on all fours and skitters away, I give him a parting kick in the ass. Guy number one is still on the ground but he does try to get up. I turn in his direction.
That made him abandon his escape plans. He curls in a ball. I stomp on him a little. I'm aim at his upper arm. He will bruise and it will hurt but nothing that wont heal. The only thing wounded is his pride. If he has any.

"Trying to jack a woman!" The line is not for his benefit, its for the people on the street looking at me. "Didn't Yo Momma teach you manners!!!"

I drop the bat like a rapper would a mic get the bike I rode on upright and drive off. I ride the remaining 50 meters till my apartment building entrance. Turn of the engine and go inside.


I sat down with my back to the wall facing the door. The SMG I found in my hand buttstock extended. It wasn't even noon yet and I was dead tired after the yesterdays night shift, and my bike riding lessons. Yet I couldn't sleep. I just sat there to tired to move. I think I actually closed my eyes at the crack of dawn,


I wake up and looked at the cheap alarm clock that I got so I could actually tell time. It was 16:52. I stop upright. I was to be on duty in 8 minutes. No way will I make it on time. Fuck me. My only defence was putting a brave front. Richards will not mind if I'm late, maybe but Tenpenny will notice. Somehow my instinct told me that being paranoid about the guy is the only sane reaction. I hid my SMG under the mattress, an new one, if you must know. You didn't think my apartment still stuck of piss and shit, did you? And run down the stairs. As I got out of the building, what I seen surprised me. The bike was still there. Yes a 100000$ of high performance motorbike, survived a night in the bad part of the bad hood in a city famous for high crime rates. I didn't have time to pounder the significance of that. I was running late. So I just hoped on and rode to the precinct.


Two minutes from Ganton to LSPD HQ in afternoon traffic. That must have been some sort of a record. I parked the bike and run up the stairs. I got in my uniform and got my gun from the lock up with just a minute to spare before my shift begun. Richards greeted me and we got a ride to our foot patrol area from some officer I have not yet meet. Richards didn't introduce me to him. So I just sat in the back. Richards rode shotgun. Our patrol route for the day was Downtown Los Santos.

You know what happened on that patrol. Nothing, not a god damn thing. Ok there was that one lady jaywalking we let her off with a warning, or Richards did I kept my mouth shut. I tried to entertain myself with counting all the other police officers also patrolling the area. In ten hours I seen fifty squad cars around as many police bikes and officers on foot in triple digits. As our shit came to an end we got a ride back to the HQ from some other officers. There was two of them in the car this time so Richards sit with me in the back.

"This is surreal." I said in barely a whisper.

"uh hum" was the only response from Richards.

"Not 3 miles away there is a warzone, and here we walk around and smile at people."

"uh hum" same reaction. I felt like I was talking about the weather. I shot up after that. For me this world was a perversion, for the people that lived here this was how thing were.
I looked out the window. A vibrant metropolitan area, store windows displying gold and jewellery. Designer Brand Attire more expensive that a yearly rent in the Ghetto couple of blocks down the freeway. All those riches just a stone throw way from the rags. The stable condition of a terminal patient. I closed my eyes and doze off.


"Wake up Rookie were back" Richards voice woke me. There was some amusement from the two officers in the front, they didn't comment.

With a mumbled 'sorry' I got out wiping a bit of drool in the corner of my lips. The squad car and the two officers drove off leaving me and Richards infront the steps to the LSPD HQ.

"I know that look Rookie." Richards said, there was a note of melancholy in his voice.

"What look, sir?" I asked as I straighten out my uniform.

"A ghetto rat getting to hang out in the place where rich an the beautiful live." He said "I maybe sound like a commie pink-o but the world those people live in is not our world. I'm a boy from Red County. When I first walked the downtown like you today, it was a shock. I've been doing this for twenty years and I still can't wrap my head around it. Back home, I'm the rich guy. My mother likes to parade me in front off all of her friends every time she gets. He Ruppert is a big city Police officer. The guys I used to know as a kid think of me as that stuck up city slicker. But compared to the people in down town, I'm back ground decoration, a useful peon. They smile at you as you walk by, but if you step out of line. If you try to even talk a daughter off one. They come down on you like a ton of bricks."

I guessed there was a story behind this. Richards didn't continue and I did not feel like it was my place to ask. He turned to face me.



"Go home, we have work tomorrow."


I couldn't get my head around Richards. I just didn't not known what made him tick. Hell the same thing applied to the whole city. I got out of my uniform and took a shover at the HQ. I kept a spare sat of civvies in my locker. So relatively fresh I got out the front door. Yup, I did get this city. The bike that I drove in on was still standing where I parked it. I guess the Los Santos Police Department Headquarters parking lot is the last place that police would look for a missing bike. But the same could not be said for Ganton. That would be the first place they would look. The BMX I borrowed got stolen, the Cab got stolen. Superbike, just where I left it.

I hoped on and drove home.

'Home' was I thinking about this place as home already?

Ok as fun as this thing is to drive. You just can't think with all that noise! Here I was trying to get all philosophical and the stupid thing was giving out a high pitch vine. I'm dumping this thing in the woods first thing tomorrow! I'm not going to bring it back where I found it. First that area is the bad gang area, for the people off the calor of the skin I currently had, plus I did stole it, and a thing so expensive must have been insured. Come to think of it. Taking this this was probably the single dumbest thing I did since I got here. Gang Land plus expensive bike, equals owner that is likely in a gang and not just a foot soldier, so that means that, it means.

And my train of thoughts is gone again. This fucking noise is driving me up the wall. This stupid thing cannot be road legal and likely isn't. Oh, I'm home already. That was fast!
Bed now, think later.


"Hey! Saskia Girl! How you Been!" 'Who the hell is this?' I wondered.
A woman greeted me the moment I walk out of my apartment building. She looked to be in her mid-twenties, lightly built, dreadlocks no makeup, mini-skirt long sleeve jacket.
I know I never met her before.

"Hi" I answered. Well, let's see how this goes.

"You is looking fine!"She gave me a one over "Shit girl you been working out?"

"Every day." That was no secret. "Do I know you?"

"Saskia it's me! Jackie!" She had a very wide smile.

"Nope doesn't ring a bell." Ok I was probably being very rude to this bodies former bestie.

"Girl are you kidding?!? How can you not remember me? Jackie, Jackie Brown I used to live here!" Don't you just hate it when you meet someone and they claim to know yo and you have no idea who they are?

"Sorry I don't remember." I don't remember because I only came in this world, no I will not say it to her.

"Girl You hit your head or something?" From her expression, I guessed she was joking.

"Yes, on numerous occasions." I deadpanned at her.

"Oh Sorry to hear that." Her smile went off like a light at that. It made me feel kinda bad.

"Ok Jackie, you want something I actually off to work." Feeling bad or not, I really had to be going now.

"Well I was in town and I decided to hook up with my former homies, Saskia you have time later today?" And the smile was back full force again.

"No idea. Jackie, I really need to be going now."

"Shure thing Girl I come by later we can talk then. Maybe hit a club or something." Huh if I was in her place that would not be what I would say.

"Maybe, bye" And I was off. Still with no idea what was that about.


I walked to work. No, the bike was still standing where I left it, I just didn't have any inclination to ride it to work again. That thing was way too loud.
I noticed that people on the street were giving me small polite nods. The guys in both Green and in Purple were giving me those, nods where you put your chin up instead of down. I nodded back every time. Being recognised was strange. On one hand, it was nice, on the other. What did I do to deserve that?

"pst pst" came from the alley to my left. I ignored it.

"EY!!!" ok someone was yelling in that alley. I turned my head to look.

It was Johnny the kid that offered to move the dead body from my apartment. A 'Good Kid' according to his grandpa. As I looked at him he looked both ways and said.

"pst" I rolled my eyes at that, the kid wanted something. I turned to face him.

"What You want Johnny?" I asked with my hands on my hips.

"Hey it's not Johnny no mo, it OG J-Dub" Johnny said. This time you could hear my eyes rolling.

"That's a stupid name." Well it was.

"Don't be dissing a playa." The kid puffed his chest at that, it looked adorable.

"It sounds like an acronym." Technically it was, but it was still stupid.

"The fuck's an aro-nym?"

"El-Ee-Pee-Dee, Gee-Em-Cee, Es-Tee-Dee." I said."Those are acronyms your name sounds like one.

"What was that last one?" he looked lost for a moment.

"STD is a sexually transmitted disease like crabs or clap." He made a disgusted face at that.

"You wanted something?" I needed to get moving.

"Oh yeah," He walked alittle closer, he looked both ways checking if no one could over hear, "I been hearing things, People been asking questions"

"People tend to do that." I notice I was deadpanning at people quite a lot today."What people, what question and why do I care?"

"I think they might be five-oh." He said that like it was the greatest secret he ever told.

"I'm Five-Oh, you do know that, right?"

"Shit I know, I 'aint some ignent niggah!" He made an indignant shrug

"It would have a better effect if you said Ignorant and not ignent." Ok time to get down to it."What question were they asking?"

"Nothing, where you live, who you hand out with and who's you dealer."

"And what do the people say?"

"First block from the tracks, no one and you killed his ass." I guess he answered in order.

"Anything else?"

"Yeah you know I helped yous so someday you can help me." so that was his game, fair enough.

"Ok Johnny I will remember." I said."No go and think up a better name for yourself."

"Letters." And he was off, nice kid. I went on my way.


"Hows it going Rookie" Richards smile was far too wide. You know that feeling of dread in your gut. I was feeling it full force at the moment. He was about to tell me something that I did not want to hear.

"Today we are doing we are pulling suicide duty." He said it expecting some reaction from me. Lack of there of, made his smile drop a bit.

"Ok what is suicide duty?" I asked, as I returned to checking if my uniform was presentable, my badge and belt buckle was polished, Nicely Pants and shirt was pressed. I may not care that much about how I look normally. But a uniform is to be presentable, always. Soldier on duty must look good enough to attend his own wedding. Not that I was a soldier anymore but the same principle applied.
Suicide Duty sounded bad, but maybe it just meant manning the suicide hotline, or looking at a guy lock in the cell and keep him from hanging himself or something. I really hoped it didn't mean I was to make someone commit suicide in his cell.

"Today we are going to patrol the freeway."The smile on Richards lips was back at full strength.

My head turned very slowly in Richards direction, I'd imagined my eyes were very wide at the moment.
Richards smile got even wider at that.

"Freeway?"I asked.


"As in Freeway, Freeway?"


"The no speed limit no one give a fuck freeway?"

"Yup!" why was he greening like a loon? "Guess who's driving."

"You are?"

"Nope! You are!" fuck my life.


The wheels of our squelched as I took the turn, the my foot was welding the gas pedal to the floor. I fucking hate automatic transmission! I never feel in control with one.
I was not looking at the speed gage. All of my attention was on the road. I know what you are thinking. Speed never killed nobody, its the suddenly becoming stationary that gets you. You would be wrong, but that is beside the point. My entire being was concentrating on NOT becoming suddenly stationary. I know what you say now. You don't want to crash don't drive so fast, shithead.

That was not an option. If you drove slower that everybody else someone would ram your ass. What I was doing was not driving. I was escaping. There are no speed limits in San Andreas if their are not a single person give a shit about them. I seen a 18-wheeler doing 100mph! You know in my last life I felt reasonably at home on German Autobahn.
There I was driving a Renault Kangoo at speeds in excess of 170km/h, it was down hill. My speed record was 230km/h in my bosses Audi. That circa 145MPH.

Los Santos Freeways were nothing like that. Here every single driver put the pedal to the metal and just looked forward. Indicators? I don't think they knew they had them. They certainly weren't looking before changing name. This was carmagedon! There was a piece of open road infront of me. I checked my speed. Meh, nothing to write home about 120. Yes, that was in mile per hour.

"Turn off at the next gas station" Richards said. "I'm hungry."

I did not chance looking at him, but his voice was far calmer that I was.


Richards went to the gas station kiosk while I wiped my very sweaty hands on a handkerchief. My shirt was sticking to my back.
Deep breaths, you got this. Nope, I got many things, a hole in the wall apartment an SMG under my mettress, a pair of running shoes, but this is not one of them. I will swallow my pride and ask Richards to drive. Closing your eyes and just praying for survival will be far less taxing that this. Freeway is not good for my heart.

"What you doing here boy!"Someone with a thick Souther brawl called out behind me. I turned wondering who was he yelling at.

"Yeah I'm talking to you Boy!" there was a guy in rural police uniform, mine was Black his was brown. It took me a moment he was actually addressing me. I kept reacting to girl for the almost two months Guess it stick.

"I'm a woman." I corrected.

"I don't care, what the fuck you doing here! This is our turf."

Ok, I'll give them that we drove out of Los Santos and were now in Red County.

"I'm waiting for my training officer." I said truthfully. I got a sneaking suspicion I was missing something.

"Fresh meat. huh?" the guy laughed "I'll give you a freebie monkey. High tail it out of here, Now. Or there will be trouble!"

I was about to say 'I'm don't want any trouble' then I stopped myself. I'm an officer of the law, and on the clock. Why should I kow tow to some idiot. What he gonna do.


Turns out he could do plenty! The other guy with him, shit he was fast! I got punched four times for any one I managed to block. The first one was nothing special but the other guy was on my like white on rice. Just one good hit and I'll get to put my hands on that handle bar moustached racist. Well he did called me a monkey. Don't really know if it was racist or not. Boom! That one hit made me see stars. The uniforms on that fast guy was spotless. Boom! I think my tooth went flying that time. Wow that's one shiny belt buckle, I want one. Fuck finess lets ram the mother fucker. Boom! Boom! Boom! Bad brain stop giving me bad advice. Why am I on my back? Shit go for the legs!
No, brain stop giving bad advice. Don't go for the legs, getting kicked in the head hurts. Never in my life was I knocked out cold. I think that was about to change, in the next oh 10 seconds or so.

"Hey there Bubba." Was that Richards. Yes! Two on two, now we are talking.

"Her Ruppert, that's one of yours?" less talky more fighty.

"Yup, I see your boy is putting her through the ropes." Richards stop talking help. Hah, you mist you fast fuck, boom! Ok, that one landed.

"You want me to call him off?" 'Yes, please' getting hit is no longer fun. Fast McFastFast lets me get to my feet. How sportsman of him. The guy a real gentlemen. Brain I think you got rattle one time to many. You are thinking stupid.

"Nah,"Oh fuck you Richards "She is in training this will be a valuable lesson."

Lesson in what, getting my ass kicked? I learned that lesson already in 7th grade. Boom! boom! boom!
Am I standing? Why is the world spinning? The sky has a very nice color, all green and yellow. Is that a unicorn?

"I want ice cream." The pavement is very friendly. Its coming to give me a hug.


There is something cold on my head. I try to get it off. "Auu" nope it stays on my head hurts. What was I drinking? Solid state rocket fuel?

"You up yet?" someone is speaking words at me.
I should speak words back at them.

"What happened" I said, or tried to. It sounded more like 'wa ha pen'

"You meet Bubba and Billy-Bob."


"They are the two guys I know that work around here very nice people when you get to know them."

"I'm going to sleep now." I tried to say, it sounded more like 'sheep' spoken with a lisp. I did not care.


Apparently you can sleep off a concussion or several on on top another. When I came too. We were back in the HQ parking lot. I said we but I was alone in the car. I sat up. And grabbed my head. There was a piece of paper on my face.
Richards glued a post-it note on my forehead.
'U did good. Tommorow U have off. Be on duty 9:00 Friday.'

Fuck my life. I'm sleeping in the car.
11.12. New


New member

Kryptonite is a song written by Brad Arnold, Todd Harrell and Matt Roberts.

Mmm, Morphine.
I am so happy at this very moment.
I was sleeping off my concussion or was it confusion? Anyway, yeah sleeping in the police cruiser parked next to HQ, made someone notice. Some lady with stripes on her shirt woke me up. She took one look at me and without a word drove me to the hospital. That was nice of her. I think she was a Sargent. She turned the sirens on. That was not really nice my head did hurt you know.
The hospital was very clean. I don't remember much after they gave me a shot.
Now I was out already, back turned to the entrance.
The nurse gave me a jar of white pills. There was a very long word written on it...
'Meh', hospital people must know what they are doing. Down the hatch.

Let's go home.What a nice weather we are having.
Up the hill, I go. From there right and over the bridge, from there left over the train tracks and I'm home already.

"I like walking!"

I didn't even got half way up the hill. Some guy in a yellow headband on his head spot me and just ran away.
Then ducked behind the corner

"Wait, what?"I asked out loud.
I looked down at myself.

"Oh yeah, I'm in uniform!" I said, to no one really, 'Let's chase that guy.' I thought and went after him.

Oh look he got friends. I can see 3 cars. Hermeses, I think or Hermesii, I don't like those cars they look old and only have 2 doors. I did a head count of the guys with yellow on them. More then two less that fifty. That was a little imprecise. I'm usually better with numbers that this.

"Turn around and walk away." Said the one guy that was with them. All of them had guns. Lots of pistols, lots of Tec-9 looking things, lots of shotguns. The guy had an accent, He sounded like Speedy Gonzales. Loony Toons were fun, but I'm more of a Disney Fan personally. "You don't want to die here."

"I like running" I said, he smiled. I smiled. They all smiled. A purple car with shiny rims drove by, people inside had a lot of purple on them.
The yellow guys started shooting. The purple guys started shooting. I started shooting.
There was a lot of shooting going on.


Shooting is easy. Pull the breach back, let go, shoot. You shoot till the slide stays back in an open position. Press the button on the side put new clip in. Press lever on the frame down. Slide goes forward. You can shoot some more.
'How many clips do I have?' I keep forgetting.

Aiming is hard! Everybody is moving. If they are not moving they are hiding behind stuff. They are not making this easy, Assholes. Well I'm moving also, so I guess I can't fault them for doing the same. Still they are being annoying.

"Auu" I said.

You ever got shot? I did once before, by accident in the leg. No I did not do it myself. My cousin did it. Don't ask.

"Auu"I said once more, got shot again. Bullets hurt.

I seem to remember it hurt ,then, far more that it did now.
I ducked behind a corner. There was I guy hiding there. He had purple on. And a AK47 in his hands. He was very surprised to see me. I shot him.


What goes for a AK in this world is more of a RPK. Well, not really the barrel is shorter, here. But it is far longer that standard. You know Assault rifles don't have much of a recoil if you ask me. The kbk AKMŁ I had in the army didn't have much. The kbk AKMS I got later had more, but that was do to the shitty folding butt stock on that one. I like my new AK-47 ,it was written on the side. It had a wooden stock! I like wooden stocks. Reminds me of the gun my grandfather used to have. God rest his soul.
Well I think he is still alive. Wonder if he exist in this world? I need to call him, I still remember his phone number.

Aiming the rifle is far easier that aiming a pistol. That guy in yellow fell down when I shoot him.
I felt bad, grandfather would be not happy. He told me never to aim guns at people ,or was it portraits?
I switched the clips on my AK. There were a lot of clips on the ground now. I picked one up, nope that one is empty. I found another one this one was full.
One guy in purple put his arms up. But he had a pistol in his hand so I shot him.
Were was I?
Oh yeah granddad said not to point a gun at people *and* portraits. Now I know he would be cross with me. You don't shoot people that have their hands up. Well its not like I gonna tell him. If he exists here anyway.

'Huh?' The shooting stopped.

I looked around, oh yeah no one is left on this street. The guys in with yellow on them are dead now. That one car is on fire.
That's nice, I like fire.
There is a lot of black smoke coming from the car. I don't like smoke. Smoke is not nice.
I ate one more pill.

'Oh' a lot of guys in Purple are running in my general direction.

"What was I supposed to be doing?" I asked.
I looked down on the rifle in my hands.

"Oh yeah." I opened fire.
In the army they said that target recognition is paramount. I think I like this world. Everybody have easy recognisable colours on them. Short controlled burst. They said in the army. That was a good advice, aiming at full auto is hard. I run a corner. There was a guy there. I aimed. He froze. No purple on him, or yellow. I didn't shot him.

Well if I stopped moving for a moment I have time. I ate another pill. Those pills are tasty.

Leaning around the corner I spotted some guys in Purple. They were all crouching and hugging the short fence.
They think they are so sneaky. Well I shot them! Not all of them just two. The rest jumped the fence. I retreated back. Back as opposed to forward. Can you actually retreat forward. Wouldn't retreating forward be called a defection? Got to ask someone about that.

I ate a pill, I like my pills.

"I took a walk around the world
To easy my troubled mind" Wow! This body has a great singing voice! I love singing. My real body sucked at it. This one! Maybe no Tina Turner, but random female vocal in a rap song level of good? Easy!

"I left my body lying somewhere
In the sands of time" I dived behind a dumbster as a caddilac looking thing, rounded the corner.

"But I watched the world float
To the dark side of the moon" After singing that line I popped up from behind my concealment. No a dumbster is not cover, its just a flimsy thin can. My rifle was on full auto I gave the car a nice long burst. Under my fire the engine roared. Then the car swerved to the left and hit a tree. Then it exploded.
Cars usually don't do that. Maybe they had grenades or something. I don't like grenades. They are no joke.

"I feel there is nothing I can do, yeah" I walked crouching, along the fence on the side of the road.

"I watched the world float
To the dark side of the moon"
In the window of the house next to me was a face. I wave at it to get down.

"After all I knew it had to be something to do with you." I continued singing as I made me way forward.
Street to the left has two cars blocking it. More purple and more guns. I went down on one knee and opened fire.
The guys ducked down behind the cars. Those still alive was shooting over the hoods and under the chassis in my general direction. I rolled back begin cover. Cover this time. It was short little brick wall that hand dirt on the other side of it. It rounded the house. This thing would stop anything short of a actual AT gun.
It was now that I heard sirens in the distance.

"I really don’t mind what happens now and then
As long as you’ll be my friend at the end" I thrown an empty AK clip over my shoulder and put a next one in. I was stuffing AK mags behind my belt and the straps of my armour. I had to open my shirt to do that last one. No one would say that look was up regulations. It couldn't have look good. Meh, I can live with that. I had my happy pills. One more pill down my throat. I crouched next to a dead guy. I think I wasn't the one that shot him. Well the next one was mine.

"If I go crazy then will you still Call me Superman"

"help" looks like this guy is not dead.

"You are an ambulance." I joked, he didn't laugh. Every ones a critic. Well the joke was not that good. And he would actually need to say 'call me an ambulance' for it work. I left him to his own devices. Most likely bleeding to death. He messed with my song.

"If I’m alive and well, will you be there a-holding my hand" I kept singing my song quietly as I made my way around the block. If memory serves I can cut through one garden and get a better angle at the guys with their make shift car roadblock. They have it coming. Blocking streets like that got to be illegal. I don't like people obstructing traffic. That's the very definition of being asocial.
"I’ll keep you by my side with my superhuman might Kryptonite."

The next part was a guitar solo. I would not play air guitar with a rifle. Rifles are not toys. I climed the fence and made my way to the road block. It was a nice garden. I felt bad for steeping on the flowers.
"You called me strong, you called me weak
But still your secrets I will keep
You took for granted all the times
I never let you down
You stumbled in and bumped your head,
If not for me then you'd be dead
I picked you up and put you back on solid ground" Well I was now in the bushes. The guys were still hiding behind the cars. They were having an argument. 'Take a look', 'no you take a look', 'no you', 'no you' yadda yadda. I put the end to it as I open fire.


I was uncomfortably close to them when I did. There was a lot of them. More that five less then ten. Today I had real trouble counting. I don't know why? I need to ask a doctor about it.


The rifle went empty before the last guy went down.


I pulled my sidearm and shot him in the neck 'like a baws'

"If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I’m alive and well,
Will you be there a-holding my hand
I’ll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might

The sirens were closer now. I turned back in the garden, turn to the left and had to jump 3 fences before getting back on yet another street. I sang as I did it.

"If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I’m alive and well, will you be there
Holding my hand
I’ll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might

I looked at Glen Park. In all that shooting and going through gardens and back yards to not get shot at. I ended up going in circles. A police car with its siren on was driving on the road in my direction at full speed. I waved at them.
The driver hit the brakes. The car stop no more that a foot before me. Good thing too, I don't like being run over. Yes I been run over before. Not fun. Also one of the reason Volkswagen Golf is one of my least favourite cars in the world. Golf and anything made by Opel. Different reason.

"What happened to you!?!"asked the officer that got out on the passenger side. I don't think I meet him before.

"I got shot."I answered. "Like a lot." I clarified.

"We need an Ambulance in Glan Park Officer down!" The other yelled in his radio.

"The hospital right there!"I said at that. I didn't correct the man that I was not down just hurt. "You can drive me!"

"You right get in." The first one ordered.

"If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I'm alive and well,
Will you be there a-holding my hand
I'll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might

I sang very quietly in the back seat. I didn't wanted to disturb the two nice officers that offered me a lift.
The car with a tire screech stop by the hospital entrance. The doctor that ran up to me just jabbed me in the arm with a syringe.

Mmm Morphine.


"Didn't I tell you?" I know that voice. "Diamond in the rough!"

"Uhm hum" That one was Richards. What is he doing in my home? Was I home? I'm in a bed I know that much.
I opened my eyes.

'what is an IV drip doing here?' that was the first thing I noticed.

"Kurwa!" My eyes shot opened, Memories of the day before hit me like a sledgehammer.
I ripped the needle out of my arm.

"Oh your up!" Yes, I did know that voice. Officer Tenpenny was smiling at me.

"Easy there," Richards was not, "You shouldn't do that, put that back in."

"No" I protested, "that shit fucks me up."

"Nurse!!!" Tenpenny can be really loud if he wants to be.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

Before anyone could answer a Nurse came in the the room. "Whats going on?"

"She pulled out the IV needle." Richards said.

"Why would you do that honey?"

"Get that thing away from me!!!" I yelled trying to sit up.

"A big strong girl like you afraid of such a tiny little prick in her." I didn't respond to that, also not funny. The nurse watched as it attempted to crawl away. She rolled her eyes. "Gentlemen, mind holding her down for a moment?"

"Don't!" They didn't mind holding me down, and did. The nurse stabbed me in my arm with a needle.

Wow, that stuff works quick. What was I doing? Oh yeah I'm in hospital. Tenpenny and Richards are such nice people paying me a visit. Now that I was far more relaxed, I started noticing other things in the room. There are flowers and a large stuffed teddy bear in my room. 'Aww, how nice of them.' 'Who's them?' 'Don't know but they are nice'
Did I just had a conversation with myself in my head? Yes I did, mother always said: you need to talk with people that are actually intelligent every now and then. My Mom is very smart. She build Infra Red guidence systems and sold them to Iraqis.

"Now be a good girl and take your medication" Tenpenny told me.

"Ok" I smiled.

"You need anything?" Richards asked my. He looks actually worried. Why is he worried? I think he maybe worried for me. That is very nice of him.

"Thanks for visiting you two." It was nice of them.

"How could we not visit our very own honest to God hero?" Is Tenpenny yelling or is his voice just naturally loud? 'Wait what?'

"Hero?" I asked confused.

"The crime scene investigators are going over the area. Trying to figure out who shot who. So far you are up seven dirt bags."

"I like number seven its before eight and after six." I said.

"The fuck you give her?"Richards asked the Nurse.

"Well that's a bust, she is high as a kite. Lets jet and give her some peace and quiet." Yes Tenpenny you can go now. The nurse is putting the IV drip thingy by in my arm. I know I don't like that but what you gonna do.

"what you gonna do?" Why do I know that words. "Oh bad boys bad boys what you gonna do what you gonna do when they come for you."

"Shit! She is actually singing!"Why yes officer Tenpenny I do sing."God damn, that one bum of a witness was actually right."

"Get well soon." Richards follows Tenpenny out. "You need anything call me."

"I will." I said, "I don't have a phone or your number but I will."

"See Richards this trip was not for nothing." Tenpenny or Frank, can I call him Frank, I'll have to ask him, Is very jovial right now. "Now we know what we can get her."

I'm going to sleep now.


"Ehem!" Someone just cleared their throat very loudly.
I opened my eyes. A woman stood there. Every muscle in my body tensed. My eyes shot open.

"When they call me and said you is in hospital I though you OD or something." The woman voice was very judgemental. "Turns out you did, I can live with that, its about as much as I can expect of you. But you putting in that monkey suit and working for The Men! What the hell is you thinking?" She is wearing attire that conjures up images of people going to church, best sun day clothes. I know I never seen that woman. So why does my body goes in to full fight or flight mode around her.
"What Am I saying? You don't think! You never did. You is as dumb now as you ever were! Shit, dumber!"

Yes I am confused, and very much frightened for some reason.

"Have we meet?"

That question got me hit on the head with an umbrella handle. I didn't notice the woman had an umbrella with her.

"I'm your Moms fool!"

"I know that!" That's a lie. I didn't know that.

"Don't give me lip girl!" I got hit on the head again. "Your brothers and your father are turning in their graves right about now. The Police!?!" Umbrella handle found its way to my forehead again. "The Motherfucking POLICE!"

There was a little pause. Then I got hit on the head 3 times in the row.
"See what you made my do! I'm a God Fearing Christian Woman! You made me cus! I cannot speak with you anymore." The woman walked out and slammed the door behind her.

I looked at the ceiling, and absent mildly closed of the little valve on the IV drip.

"Well, that happened!"


"Saskia!" It was more of a screech that a world. "I came as soon as I heard!"
Ok this person I recognize. Its Jackie Brown. I remember the name, because there was a movie that was called that, I think. She is the woman that insists I know her.

"I got you some clothes to change, the nurse said you will be out today, I have my car with me. I'll give you a lift. I head what happened its terrible. Thank God you got out of it alive. I could never do that. What you did. Everyone is talking about it. The TV people want to interview you. Your Police Officers friends by the door didn't let them in. I think they did the right thing. You need your rest. I think I'll call my boss and tell him I need to take care of you. I'm great at taking care of people..."

It may have been the pain I been feeling. The little valve on the IV drip was still closed. But I really didn't want to be around this woman. Something about her was just not right. Far too peppy far too friendly.

"Jackie?" I cut her off

"Yes?" She was all smile and sun shine.

"Can you kindly, Shut. The. Fuck. Up!"

"Ok anything for you Saskia!" Her smile didn't drop a millimetre.

"I need to go to the bathroom."I said "Can you go get me something to eat."

"What you want?" She asked, looking at her holding that wide eyed cheery expression made my face hurt.

"You know what I like." I said.

There was a little tick in her face as I said that.

"Of-course I do. We two been friends for like ever!" Oh look, she is now straining herself to keep up that smile.

"Good, so go bring it!" Saying that I sat up on the bed and swung my legs of it.

"Be right back!" And she is gone. Good.

I looked around the room. There was a closet here. I walked up too it on shaking legs. Inside was a uniform, nope not happening. My wallet, armor and pistol were also there. Looking at the heavy vest made me feel uncomfortable. The thing looked like some one went to work on it with a pickaxe. There were dents on top of dents and burn marks. I don't remembered being on fire.

I closed my eyes and stretched out my arms. Arms work, good to know.
I bent my knees, legs seem operational. I twisted my body to the left, still working, I twisted to the right, no problems there.
I open my eyes and looked out the window. The sun is out the birds are singing, what a lovely day we are having.
Negative on the last! Grey matter not firing on all cylinders!
I need someone to keep an eye on me. Last time going out this hospital door didn't end well.

I looked around the room. There was a plastic bag by the bed. I looked inside. Gray hoody, white track pants. It was probably from Jackie.

I got out of the hospital pyjamas and in the things the woman brought me. The armor went under them pistol went under one of the straps on the armour. I opened the door a crack. No one was standing in the corridor.
An empty corridor in a hospital in the day time. Huh, maybe they don't have as much works as I thought.

I quickly made my way to the stair case. I walked all the way down. The exit from the stair case lead to the lobby. Here there was quite a lot of people. I noticed a row of pay phones I walked to them. Thank god for yellow pages. I went on looking for a number.


"Reese's Barber Shot Reese speaking" finding that number took some time.

"Hello Sir this is Saskia, Saskia Jefferson."

"Good Lord Saskia, what happened to you. People on the street are saying all kind of things."

"Well sir I'm in the All Saints Hospital."Next part was a shot in the dark on my part."I hate to ask you this but could you by chance have the number for Johnny. He is the grandkid of our neighbour. He calls him self OG Dub-J or something silly like that now."

"The Henderson's kid, Why?"

"Well I'm in hospital and my head is not all well from all the pain killers. I'd like him to come and help me get home!"
The last part I said in a weak voice. I felt like I really needed his help. I had no idea why."

"Well I don't have his number but I can try to get in touch with him. Thought his granddad " A heavy weight fell of my chest hearing those words. I still had no idea why this was important.


I didn't have to wait long. Or maybe I did, I dozed off for a moment.

"Wake up!" 'Johnny is here.'

"I'm up."

"You know I is doing you a real solid."he was speaking very loudly, I guess he wanted every one to hear. "You owe me big time!"

"Yes, I know" I got to my feet. Still a bit weak in the knees, also my head was spinning a bit.

"Were you stuff?"

"No stuff."

"Good come on." He grabbed my arm and pulled me to the exit. The action almost made me fall. The kid was quick on his feet. In seconds he had one arm around my waist and put my arm over his shoulder. He was the only thing keeping me vertical at the moment.

"Shit Woman! What you been eating? Anvils!"Johnny was straining to keep me upright"You is heavy!"

"I feel heavy."that was true. "You have a car."

"Shit Yes I have a Car!" He proclaimed, his indigence at the question was muffled by the fact he had trouble moving. I'm not that heavy the kid needs to get in shape. "I'm OG Dub-J!"

"That is a stupid name." I once again voice my reservations.

"Well you know what?"He asked, we were out the door at this point "Fuck You I'm keeping it."

The boy carried my to a dark van. I know that van. That was the same van CJ used to rob some houses. At least the kid didn't come to pick me up on a Faggio moped.
13.14. New


New member

I sat o the floor next to the passenger seat. Johnny in the driver seat looked at my funny.

He sat in that laid back manner, Elbow in the open window, seat reclined one hand on the wheel.

"I don't want anybody seeing me." He give me a shrug at that. Started the van and put it in gear.

"You going the wrong way." I may not be in position to look outside by I felt we were going right in the direction of the city"Ganton is the other direction."

"I aint driving thru Ballas hood." I had nothing to say at that. I kicked myself for forgetting that. "Your crib right?"

"Yes, at first then you will drive me somewhere else."

"What I'm yous driving bitch now?"He said"Cause I Aint!"

"You are doing me a solid."

"Yeah what in it fo me?"

"My gratitude."

"Shit..." He looked me up and down at that. I was curled up in a ball at the moment, so hes eyes didnt travel far. For the first time in my life I got that look from a guy. It didn't take a genius to figure out what he meant. I just stared at him. The van stood at a red light. He was looking at me, I kept staring, his smile dropped a little. I kept staring. The smile dropped all the way. I kept staring. He turned his face forward. I kept staring.

"I was only playing" I kept staring.

"You are one scary lady." I kept staring

"I'm sorry I did what I did." I stopped staring.

"Apology excepted" I looked at the radio. It was blazing some techno/electro song. I didn't peg Johnny for a techno fan.

"You in to the stuff?" I said pointing at the radio.

"Knob fell of."he gave a shrug,"Stuck on the station."

"You can turn it off." I said

"Oh yeah you right." He turned the volume all the way down. I rolled my eyes.

"So you in to the Rap game?" He asked as the van started rolling again.

"About as much as anybody."

"I have two tickets for Madd Dogg concert." He was looking forward but he did notice my raised eye brow.

"I can sell you them cheap." Good save, Johnny good save. I only half boght it.

"I is asking cause that was some mad rhymes you was doing." Now all my attention was on him. I did remembered singing, but I was underimpression I did it quietly enough that no one heard it over all the gun fire.

"Some one heard that?" I could say I was embarrassed but it was more curiosity then anything else.

"Lady the whole willowfield heard you, Some Glen Park too."


"You stumble in and bump yo head If not fo me you be dead!"He Rapped the words. "That some killa rhymes. Right there!"

"Thank you." I didn't know what else to say at that.

"I go crazy call me superman. I'm alive and well holding yo hand. Keep you by my side with super might. Kryptonite!" He was smiling all the way through the words. He looked like he had fun rapping "But why superman better say She-Hulk!"

"Do I look like She-Hulk?"

"You you only need to lose some flab and yeah you do." You would think it him saying something about my fat would touch a nerve. It didn't. I could not recognise myself it the mirror. I was working myself to the bone just not to think about it. I cared not how other seen me.

"I didn't wrote the words, Its just a song I heard." The song is one SF Debris uses for Star Trek Enterprise reviews. I wasn't going to say any of that to him. "Ok tell me what people are saying beside my singing Rock song no one knows about."

"Rock not Rap?"

"Focus what are people saying?"

"A load of bullshit. They say you are bulletproof. One Ballas told someone he emptied his Tec-9 in yous. You jost reloaded your AK and shot him. Where did you get a K?" Now as he said it, I seem to remember coming under fire while I reloaded.

"He survived?"

"Said he played dead. After you shot him. Was out of bullets anyway." He gave a shrug at that "Where you get the AK"

"Some Ballas had it."

"And he gave it to you?"

"I took it out of his cold dead hands."

"No Shit?"

"No shit." Focus. "What else are they saying? Full story. I was there I know what I did and saw" well not really I was quite high at the time. No I'm not going to tell him that."

"Full story?"

"We have time you are driving to avoid Ballas and Vagos turf, we will be here awhile."

"Ok so the full story. Vagos roll in on Willowfield. Shit load of them. The is trying to take it from the Ballas." So far I fallow, a gang war." Then the Ballas roll in to kick them out of the turf. Then You show up. You is capping everybody! Right"

"Everything in Yellow orPurple that has a gun." I clarified.

"Yeah You did good for the Families." Ok that misconception needs to die right here and now.

"I would shoot every one in Green with a gun."


"I was shooting at anything that was shooting." The next thing I was going to say could backfire. "Tell anyone that I Saskia Jefferson is a peace keeper. I keep the peace. You disturb the peace you get capped."

"A'right. So anyway there is a gang war and you show up you are capping everybody left and right. There is no stopping yous. Fifty bullets and you still don't go down. Thats were I say bull shit."


"five what."

"Hospital people pulled 5 bullets out of me." I unzipped my hoody and shown him my vest. "See this It saved my life. I had a bullet in forearm."I pointed to a dark spot."I had a bullet in my shoulder."I pointed to another dark spot on my skin."One in my tight one in my calf one in my upper arm." I pointed to each spot.

"How did you fucking did all that?" The van swerved a little he was paying far to much attention to me. Horns were honking from every direction.

"Girl has to have her secrets." Drugs and lots of them.


Johnny regalled my with tall tails of what I did. I don't remember bashing a Vagos head in with a my buttstock. I didn't remembered ripping a Ballas balls off with my bare hands. But all in all what he said sounded about right. Vagos were calling me El Poli Psicópata, I understood that last word, Ballas were calling me Killa Cop. that last one was not terribly inventive. Problem was most people were calling that person by name. Saskia.

"Not sleeping where I live today."


"I just killed ten people."

"They say you killed fifty."

"It was closer to ten, I shot more." Ok time to get one more favour out of Johnny.

"J-dub?" His chest puffed up by the you of his name.


"I need you to pick something up from my crib, then I need to drive me to the flood Control Tunnel."


"Will you?"

"Shit, Yeah why not. What you need?"

"Its under the mattress its the only thing there. You will recognise it when you see it"

"Cool." Just like that? Either he is really stupid or I have a lot of street cred.

It was soon after he stopped the van and ran outside. He was back in under a minute.

"Shit you coulda told me you needed a piece." The SMG that I found was in his hand."Next stop flood control tunnel.

"Stop under a bridge when you get there."


I got out under my own power. There was a cardboard box there. How convenient. Sitting on it made it flat. As good a thing to sleep on as any. I reached in my pocket and pulled my wallet out.

"Here you go, get yourself a beer or something."

"Wow! 500 buck! Thanks Lady." He looked at me as I tried to get myself confortable on my cardboard bed. "Wait you donna sleep here?"

"I can't go to my place." I said."We been over this."

"What about a hotel?"

"Hotels want photo ID They would find me under an hour."

"You a cop go to the cops."

"I don't trust them." I really didn't. I was new, I had zero friends there. The people how could be called my friends if you stretched the definition a bit, where not high enough to protect me. Why yes I am being paranoid thanks for asking.

"Shit Lady yous 'aint staying here OG J-dub Got yo back!"

"Wasn't it Dub-J?" I didn't know why I ask that.

"Whatever. I Have a place for you."

"Really? What You going to drive me to Groove Street?"

"Nah, I'm driving you to the retirement home my Mommas Mommas Momma live. No one fucking goes there." I couldn't fault that logic. Well I could but I was going down from Painkillers at this point.

"Yeah ok."retirement home sounded a far better hiding place that under the bridge. You ever slept under a bridge? I did, it sucks. "Help me up"

"What, why is you trusting me?"

"Because if you sell me out I will hand you on your entrails."That was an empty threat. If he sold me out. I'd be dead.

"That's cold. That's nasty. That's scary. It is true what they is saying."

"And what are they saying?"

"Saskia is out of her fucking mind." I started laughing. I laughed all the to the retirement home. He had no idea how fucking true that was. Both figuratively and that was the actual funny part literary.

"Saskia Jefferson"I pointed at my head "doesn't live here any more."


The retirement home was in a word. Depressing the orderly at the door just waved us through, without asking anything. The inside sleeped of old people faded wallpapers and worn out rugs. This establishment did nothing to change my opinion that this sort of a place was just an old people dumping ground.

"Ok My Mommas Mommas Momma is very old," OG J-dub informed me before he put his hand on one of the doors "Doesn't hear so well, She also thinks I'm my father. Roll with it."

"Hey Nanna!"As we walked in my guide yelled at an elderly "Its me, Johnny."

"Ain't you dead."Asked the woman looking at him.

"No I ain't!"

"Then you owe me 1000 bucks for the funeral!" The lady shot back, as positive first impressions go the lady just made one."Who is this?" she asks looking at me.

"That's my friend Saskia."

"How do you do Ma'am." Courtesy costs nothing, as they say.

"What a polite young lady." She turned to him. "Bout time you got rid of that hair-brained whore, that Mishone was never good enough for you. I'm surprised you did get crabs from that skank."

"That's my mother you are talking about!" Uuu family drama! I need some popcorn.

"Your mother your fathers wife is just stupid and ugly. I don't need to worry about her. Only someone as dumb as your father my son could ever take someone like her. She must have made my son really drunk for them to have you. Also tell Lucas to get his lazy ass in gear and pay me a visit. I haven't seen the deadbeat in years."

"Lucas is my Grand Dad you know him!" He said to me. "Saskia will be saying the night some people are looking for her." He spoke far louder while addressing the lady.

"Not in my room she is not! Also I'm not deaf you don't need to yell. She can sleep in the room next door Betty died yesterday so its free."

"Thank you ma'am."I said "I do appreciate it"

"You are not pregnant are you?" That was a strange question to ask of me.

"No ma'am not that I know off."

"Good. You better dump Johnny's sorry ass you deserve better. My Grand Son is not worth a damn!"

"I'm your great grand son, you old bat." Dub-J said quietly through gritted teeth.

I don't think it was the drugs talking but I felt quite fond of the lady. I didn't remembered much of my own great grand mother. But the lady got shot in the head in 1944. The doctor said there was nothing to be done. The wound was fatal. She died in 1991. Her daughter my Grand mother the doctors called her condition as terminal. First time in 1941 then somewhere in the seventies then in 2007. Three times the charm. They got it right the last time. The doctors said she had cancer and she needs chemotherapy. Granny told them to and I quote: about time and go fuck yourself. Yup. Both of them would find this little old lady interesting conversation partner.


I woke up in the early hours of the morning. I took a quick shower and vacated the premisses as soon as humanly possible.
I was happy to find out I was not loopy, the drugs must have been out of my system by now.
What do I do next?
The precinct was a good place to start. I doubt any Ballas or Vagos would try anything. And having my head on straight I felt confident I could survive any encounter with with my fellow officers.
It was only a bus ride away.


There are no city buses in Los Santos. Who knew? I took a cab.


The moment I'd walked in the HQ there was a lot of yelling.

"The fuck were you!?!" That was Richards. I could say I am sorry I could snap back or I could deflect.

"Aww You do care." Deflect was the funniest out of the three.

"We were about to roll in on Ganton with the whole precinct!" Well it didn't work as intended.

"Actually Richards here called for volunteers." Tenpenny was also there with his little cheerleader squad Pulaski and Rodriguez or was it Ramirez I was 99% shure his name starts with an 'R'. "He got two."

"Sir thank you for volunteering." I told Tenpenny.

"Oh I would go either way, Me Pulaski and Hernandez." Welp Hernandez doesn't start with an 'R' "He got your two Trainee buddies. Mendez and Clay couldn't be more happy to put their heads on the line for you."

"I will thank them the first chance I get." I would actually It was something like a week since I last saw any of them.

"Then they found out operation save Saskia consisted of 6 people."My god it speaks, its the first time I heard Pulaski say a word in my presence. You would guess he would comment while I beat that guy tided to a chair. I would too. We would both be wrong. "They got cold feet after that. You have some shitty friends." Like you better when you keep your mouth shut. Ass hole till the end. That takes some dedication.

"They are young they will learn." I hoped. "So whats on the agenda today?" I directed my question to Richards.

"Richards pinched the bridge of his nose." Tonight you are riding shotgun with officer Seaborne, Night shift."

"Cool." I said"Have I meet him? I'm not good with names."

"You haven't meet her. And in fellow female officer. Listen to her like you do to me. She is a good cop."

"So you mean listen to her," Needling Richards is fun, he did get me beat up that one time "as opposed to just drive your ass around while you say jack and shit to me."

"As I said Richards, Diamond in the Rough." Tenpenny said that in a jovial tone."I need to ask the sarge my crew gives you a training day in C.R.A.S.H. I think you will like it."

"Thank you sir." Somehow I couldn't find it me to be grateful for that.


I had a whole day to kill before the night shift. So I went to the HQ liberty. I read about French prince that was asking what was he doing in a cemetery. It was a play written by someone called Willy Swingapike.
It took me a moment to figure out it was this world version of Shakespeare. I put the thing back on the shelf.
I tried TV next. Galaxy Quest the New Crew, was an interesting show, an obvious parody of Star Trek TNG.
However I did not remembered John Luck Pickerd getting some many lap dances from blue Neptune Animal Women. I didn't know what was I expecting. The game Gyruss in this world was called They Crawled from Uranus. So the above was to be expected. Then again they did knew what lightsaber is. I wondered if this worlds Star Wars were mady by Mel Brooks. If it was I had high hopes for the Prequel Trilogy when they make in in the next 8 year.
Something to look forward too.

But the time for my pursuit of high quality entertainment was soon at the end.
Night shift was about to begin.


Officer Seabourne was an corpulent short black woman in her late forties or late thirties. We were going at what she called faggot hunt.
Turned out it was exactly what it sounded like.

We were trying to dissuade the local gay community from having sex in the bushes around the beach. Already wrote up 3 tickets for indecent exposure. Cheap ass bastards couldn't any of the afford a room. Guess they didn't want to show their photo ID at the desk.

After yelling at an accountant looking fellow and a guy that looked like a construction worker, to go somewhere else for 5 minutes. I got back in to the car with a question.

"Ma'am, Why is Richards not here?"

"There is no single men on the force that would take this assignment of his own free will."she said keeping an eye out on the streets. Her dedication, or at the very least the apperance of one was refreshing after Richards." Those that do no other guy on the force wants to be around them."

"Is Richards homophobic?" I asked

"Is he what?"

"Does he hate fags?" I used small words.

"God hate fags."

"If he does why did he made them."

"Guess its one of gods little jokes. Like periods and mexican food." she didn't crack a smile saying that. I dropped the subject.

"Here we go again." I said pointing to a couple walking in the bushes and looking over their shoulders.

"Well fetch girl." I rolled my eyes, and went running after one more indecent exposure ticket.


I got back in the car quite out of breath.

"Did they got away?" I did not like the smugness in Seaborne's voice.
"Yup,"Both of them were younger than me. And both of them were skinny. Being build like a brick shit house is not conducive to running. Who knew, answer was everybody since forever. "If I had your tits I would have two black eyes right about now."

"If you had my tits you would have a rich husband." This was going to be a long night.

"Look two more." Seaborne pointed."The small guy you wont get but the fat one I have full confidence in you."

With a sigh, I got out once again. The night is getting longer by the minute.
15.16. New


New member

As random thoughts go, I had the most random one ever. Here I was running after two guys that were likely gay and ware about to go at it like rabbits in the bushes
A fat guy and a skinny guy. Who do I know in this world matching that description? Ryder and Big Smoke. Now, that was a crack ship!

Naturally, they got away. You can't chase anyone down if you are rolling on the floor laughing. Officer Seaborne got concerned and got out of the car to check on me.
Here inquiry of what's going on was answer. with my "I'll go down with this ship." and more giggling.


We were nearing the end of our shift as Seaborne treated me to some take outs. Donuts with whipped cream filling. She could have told me that before I bit in a one and got my uniform covered with white spots. Now it was Seaborne turn to giggle like a loon. I didn't found it funny. It took about 5 minutes before she was once again up for conversation.

"So who do you like the most?" she asked out of the blue.

"What do you mean?" I wanted some clarification.

"Out of tonight. They may be homo, but there was some fine ass meat running around." Well that's what she meant. Well looks like I'm up for some girl talk, got to play the part.

"Too bad its off the market for us." I said.

"Well maybe for me but you are butch enough that you have a chance." I could read the comment both ways. I chose to read it as a compliment.

"Thanks!" I smiled, she gave me a frown. Swing and miss, it was 50/50

"Any way I like that tall big guy in the Hawaiian shirt. I lake my men big and tall."Her voice turned dreamy "So who you pick?"

"That guy in shorts and orange T-shirt."

"That little thing?" She gave me a funny look. "He looked like a woman." Well duh, that why I picked him. "You could bench press that one!"

"That's why I picked him." No, no it wasn't. Still, play the part. I give an eyebrow wiggle.

"Heh" She looked me up and down. "Shit you could probably bench press the one I chose.

"Even if I couldn't do it that fast." I'm getting good at this play the part thing. It got another 'heh' from Seaborne.

"Plus I never bench pressed more that three hundred twenty pounds." In this body, in my real one 50kg was my record.

"Don't you know men don't like body builders?" I read her words as Bitchy.

"Don't you know fat is not in season?" I can be bitchy too, see.

"More of me to love!" she swung her hips at that.

"Same here." I said. "And I can open my own jars of pickles"

"That's were you go wrong Girl"

"You are giving me advices, why?" I asked."You have a single brother, a cousin or a neighbour you want to hook me up with?"

"Yeah I do, But they would run screaming from you."

"Haha" I dead panned at that.

"Enough chit chat, shifts over lets go home."


As I walked in the front door, the Sargent on duty called out "The Captain wants to see you"
And that how I got here. In front of the captain's desk. I felt like being called to the principal office. Cap was not much to look at, in his sixties gray hair bored expression. He made the impression of someone just going through the motions. There was one more person there, mid twenties smartly dressed girl. She looked like a hostess or a receptionist. That practised smile, no one really buys but still infectious. I had a fake smile on me for the last 9 years. Don't play a playa.

"Hello," she extended her head to great me." I'm Helen Herren from the mayors office."

"Hello." I shook it"I'm Saskia Jefferson from the LSPD."

"Yes, I like to extend the Mayor invitation for the banquet he is organising. We already spoke with your captain so you get time off to attend the function." The words came well pronounced."Do you by chance happen to have a evening dress?"

"Now but I happen on planing on going shopping in Didier Sachs. I have some money and I guess two grand will get me something decent" I was planning on going to the most expensive shop in the city but I was not planning on getting any dresses.

"Excelent,"she turned to the captain "My office will contact you in the ext 5 work day. I'll be going now. Tat ta."

She got out after that. I turned to the captain.

"Sir permission to ask a question."


"The fuck was that about?"

"Donno."He looked back down on his desk and the stack of papers on it. There were real estate catalogues sticking from under duty rosters. "IA wants to see you."

Wait, what? "Why?" I asked.

"Like they'll tell me, off you go." I took the dismissal for what it was.


As I walked the halls every officer I passed was giving me a wide breath. It was now that I noticed. Every body were keeping me at arms length. Some were staring at the front of my shirt wide eyed. I didn't get it.

I knocked on the door with the words Internal Affairs on them, and waited. Why were everybody giving me funny looks. Was it about the gang shooting? It couldn't be that. I hanged around with most of them the entire day yesterday. From the corner of my eye I spotted as some officer whispered something to a prostitutes ear pointing in my direction. The woman started laughing hysterically. I looked at the front of my shirt. White spots, and...

I put the two and two together. My face turned red.

"Its not what you think!!!!"I yelled "Its just whipped cream!"

"I bet it is." everybody laughed.

"From a donut!"

"So its that how its called?" More laughter.

"Fuck you all!" This whole world needs to get their head out of the gutter.

The moment I got the permission I opened the doors to the IA office.

"You wanted to see me?" The office was filled with filing cabinets. There were boxes with more files standing on top of more files. Behind a desk covered with files sat a rail thin looking man, from behind thick round frame glasses a pair of sharp eye were looking at me.

"Trainee Jefferson please sit." 'come to my parlour said spider to the fly' That was the thought I had sitting down.

"Lets have a read shall we?" He said with a predatory look.

"Yeah ok I have time." I answered smiling.

"That was not a question!" He spat. There was more venom in his voice that in any two vipers.

"Then why did it ended with shall we?" I asked.

"We ask the questions!!!" 'Well, hello Herr Flick of the Gestapo. Add some fake German accent and I have a part for you in "Alo Alo", that was one good sit-com.

"Here is one file about one person. Born May 1st 1959 in Los Santos To Merry Jefferson Nee Russel and Jerome Herbert Jefferson(deceased) as the youngest child. Two older bothers Lois and Martin both deceased. With me so far?"

The guy just read the file on Saskia Jefferson, It was from him that I learned her Mothers maiden name the name of her father and brothers. All of them save the mother, the umbrella swinging lady dead. No surprise there she did said something about them spinning in their graves.

"Yes, I'm with you."

"Good lets continue. Arrested first time at the age of seven for attempting to steal a tube of industrial glue." Well good going Saskia sniffing glue how original.

"That sounds about right"

"Do not interrupt!" I kept my mouth shut.

"Arrested again for trying to steal a can of paint at age 14." Huffing paint, why am I not surprised. "Arrested again for drug possession age 15, again at age 16 twice age 17 four times and for prostitution, charges on the last were dropped by the way. Resisting arrest drug drugs drugs vagrancy drugs drugs fleeing the scene of the crime, drugs, drugs, boberry braking and entering drugs, vagrancy drugs more drugs. And now we get to age 20. A pattern begins to emerge. Don't you think?"

"I try not to think and when I think its about nothing."That got me a stare.

"Medical records are in a similar vane. Drug overdose drug overdose abortion drug overdose, a mugging victim miscarriage drug over does etc... Again a pattern emerges." Well late miss Saskia Jefferson was a model citizen in the crack whore community. The guy was beginning to be boring. The abortion part was new, but hardly surprising.

"Then we have another file. This one tells an interesting story. Born May 1st 1959 in Los Santos. Attended LSPD HQ police officer training. Average score of 81% in theoretical and 97% in physical training. Made her first arrest on the first day of Practical training. Fine outstanding future officer." I was something like 75% certain the guy was making a point.

"You know what the clinch about those two files is?"

"They are both about me? Am I correct?"

"We ask the questions!!!"

"Who are We?"

"We ask the Questions!!!"

"They are about the same person. Reading those file I would imminently decided that is a simple case of identity theft. A plant. But I have something like 20 witness that swear that you are the same parson! I have the medical records and forensic record all saying the same thing. One day a woman woke up and decided to be someone completely different."

"Yeah ok" If this man was not a complete caricature I may have been worried. But in reality what could he do? Put me in an insane asylum? ... Ok I sat straighter at that thought. Nut house was not a place I wanted to end up in.

"No one does such a one 180 in their lives. No one is a scum of the earth trash one week and a model citizen the next?" He was smug right about now. "Who is paying you???"

So that's what he thinks is going on. Well, out of universe personality transfer was to far fetched even if true. I would go with a mental disorder.

"That question I can answer. I am being paid by the Los Santos Police Department."

"You are not going to defend you out of character behaviour. You are not going to tell me you found Jesus!"

"No one told me that I should be looking for him. I'm also about ninety nine percent certain the guy is dead already seam to read about that somewhere, public execution and all the it was quite famous."

"I will be keeping my eye on you!"

"Yeah ok but please call of the Jackie Brown character."

"I-i..."He spattered at that. "I have no idea who you are talking about! She is a figment of your drug damaged brain" Me thinks the gentlemen protest to much

"Any more questions?" I asked

"Get out!!!"

Well that happened. I got out of the office and wondered what to do now.

"Trainee Jefferson" Here come Tenpenny. "Aren't you excited?"

"About your Ride along with C.R.A.S.H. it happening. Now!"

"I just pulled a nightshift like 5 minutes ago!" I do get cranky when people push long shifts on me out of the blue. I once pulled a shift that lasted 96 hours! Work hours in security suck!

"I know That why being the great guy that I am I let you have a quick shower and change your uniform!"

"Joy" I face palmed and turned in the direction of the showers.


Here I am in the back on the driver side, Hernandez to my right, Tenpenny is driving Pulaski riding shotgun. When I got in I was only annoyed for having to pull double shift, now? I’m feeling exposed and paranoid. Will they drive me to a secluded spot and put a bullet in my head? Will I be tortured for information and then get a bullet in my head? Are they gonna make me put a bullet in someone else and then will they put a bullet in my head?

I’m getting annoyed again.

Will they just get over with the whole putting a bullet in my head so I can get some sleep! I’m tired and cranky.

You wouldn’t like me when I’m cranky. I don’t like me when I’m cranky.

“Where are we going?” I asked, annoyance in my voice, clear to hear. That annoyed me.

“We are going to pay some Ruskie a visit.” Tenpenny answered no real inclination in his voice. “What was his name again?”

“Something starting with an L” replied Pulaski pulling out a piece of paper out of his pocket.

“There is no ‘L’ in Russian Alphabet.” Pulaski should to know better.

“What did you just say to me Rookie!” He turned in his seat and looked me in the eyes with an angry expression. The piece of paper was in his hand.

“Give me that” I grabbed the paper.

“Iwan Władimirowicz Ławrow.” I read from the paper. What stood there was ‘Ivan Vladimirovich Lavrov’ English transcription of Cyrillic is just annoying. I gave the paper back. “That’s how you read it!”

“You speak Russian?” Tenpenny cut off any remark Pulaski could make.

“I understand and speak some of it.” I answered truthfully

“How the Fuck could a ghetto rat like you speak Russian!?!” Pulaski sounded unconvinced of my claim.

“I dated Poles and Ukrainians.” My answer was given with a shrug, the fact I could speak Russian as well as I like was annoying me for the last 28 years. Yes dear reader. Not being able to speak Russian well, was a pet peeve of my since age 5. What? It is!

“How the fuck that makes you speak Russian?” Tenpenny actually asked, it wasn’t a dismissal like Pulaski’s.

“They spoke it. I picked some things up” That was partly true.

“The fuck you did!” Pulaski was all hostility at this point.

“A zajebać ci ty spasła świnio?” I shot back. Fuck him if he wants to throw down we can do it in our native tongue. Pulaski is Polish, right?

“That’s not Russia that gibberish!!!” I was about to translate to him that I just asked him ‘does a fat pig like to gets bitch slapped’ when Tenpenny interrupted.

“Shot up the both of you!” Pulaski sat back in his seat. I closed my mouth. “We are here.”

The car stopped in front of a nice looking downtown building. It looked like the one in the Game where Russian Mob was mentioned. It made sense. As the four of us walked inside I wondered if CJ was here already. Considering the distinct lack of bullet holes in the ceilings and the walls and the floors I doubted it.

Scanning the area I noticed one person I was not expecting to see. Jackie Brown sat on the one of the lobby benches and was chatting up some guy with a two-headed black eagle tattoo on his neck.I should get a tattoo. I will start working on it the moment I get some sleep.

“Sir,” I asked Tenpenny. ”What’s the game plan?”

“The game plan is for you to shut the fuck up and let Frank do the talking!” Pulaski opened his mouth and once again managed to annoy me. There were four of us, since entering I spotted a dozen guys in suits looking at us. We are outnumbered and he was showing descent in our ranks.

“We are to speak with Lavrov and tell him how things go around here.” Tenpenny didn’t comment, but give Pulaski a look. The puggy face buzz cut closed his face. “No posturing, this just a friendly visit. The outcome of it will determine the game plan for later.”

“Play it cool, got it.” I said and looked forward.

“We are looking for Lavrov.” Tenpenny said to the nearest guy in suit. The guy pointed to a middle age looking guy sitting in the corner drinking tea. The guy didn’t look like much. He was fit with intelligence eyes. I would peg him for an engineer, or a career military. He reminded me of one army captain I used to know.

“You Lavrov?” asked Tenpenny.

“Yes Sir Mister Police Officer. How can I help you?” The guy was rolling his “R’s” he was purposefully talking badly.

“*Excuse Us Iwanie Władimirowiczu I and my colleagues came to begin dialogue between us.*” That was what I said to the man. I most likely made a mess out of it but I was relatively certain I used the correct honorific and spoke politely. I may not be able to speak fluently but I wouldn’t insult anyone by accident. Was I out of line taking the initiative? Most likely, but I also wanted to show that I can be useful. It would help not to get shot in the head by Tenpenny if I’m useful.

“*It is surprising to be addressed in a civilized speech in this land*” The man smiled “*Interesting accent I must say*”

“*I don’t speak much Russian, but I do understand some*” I smiled trying to look apologetic

“Well Officer Tenpenny,” As Ławrow spoke there was no longer a hint of an accent. ”I do appreciate the gesture of trying to address me so politely. So how can I help you?” He motioned for Tenpenny to sit down

“I think we can help each other.” The smile on the black officers lips looked genuine.


Blah blah money this, Blah blah supply routes that, jap jap status quo. Ławrow and Tenpenny were talking, about how the city works what they could do for each other, and what they wouldn’t be able too.

I couldn’t be bothered to listen to them. Russian Mob in the game was never a factor. They got one crummy mission in game. Yes it was a fun mission with a lot of shooting and car chases, but it was only one. After CJ and Big Smoke had a shoot-out with them, the Russians were never heard of since.

I took grate care not to look at Pulaski that was constantly glaring daggers at me. It failed to impress. He wasn’t as scary as my dad, and couldn’t even hold a candle to some people I know, or known. Pulaski was in my personal opinion a solid ‘Meh’. So I occupied my time looking at the architecture and internal decoration of the building we were in. You can’t look at a room without looking at the people in it.

Jackie Brown continued chatting up the guy she was when we got in. She was her fake cheery self, the guy she was talking was giving her his polite interest. It was clear to anyone he was not interested in anything she was selling. The other suits in the room were giving some attention to Tenpenny and Ławrow, but they stopped something like half an hour ago.

The suit didn’t look as bored as I was feeling, guess they didn’t pull a double shift just now, must be nice. They are discreetly exchanging glances between themselves and Ławrow.

Having nothing better to do I tried to decipher what was going on. As tired as I was, knowing what is going on between the armed people that surround you is only logical. Wouldn’t take a genius to figure out who was the focus of attention. Surprisingly 4 armed officers of the law were not the focus. The focus was Jackie Brown.

Thinking about it, it was not at all surprising. If the woman was bringing up red flags in my tine mechanized infantryman head, she would be, obvious to a bunch of mobsters that were doing this for a living.

The mob guys positioned themselves in a way that no matter where the woman would try to run it would be pointless. She was already trapped and she didn’t even know it.

“Well I guess that would conclude our meeting, Mister Tenpenny, I hope this is a beginning of a beautiful friendship and mutually beneficial cooperation.” Ławrow was a good conversationalist, I’ll give him that.

“Right back at you.” Tenpenny spoke plainly and straight, I’ll give him that.

Everybody got up after that. Pleasantries were exchanged and our group begun moving to the exit. As we did the mobsters started to move slightly. They were getting ready to pounce on Jackie that for all intents and purposes looked oblivious to the fact she was about to get grabbed.

I asked myself ’do I care?’ my brain gave me an answer I very much didn’t care for

‘yes I care!’ She maybe a CI or undercover cop that is bad at her job, but won’t sleep well if you walk out of here and leave a twenty something skinny girl alone with people that most likely will do bad stuff to her.

“One moment please” I said to Tenpenny. With a long sigh I changed direction and walked up to Jackie.

“Hey Jackie!!!” Is said loudly hooking my arm around her. She let out a frighten yelp in surprise “Fancy finding you here!!!” I looked the tattooed guy in the eyes.

“You mind terribly if I take her away?” I asked smiling sweetly while still holding my arm around Jackie.

“Not terribly” he deadpanned. Translation: Yes I mind but I will not stop you.

“Great!!!” I started walking in the direction of the exit. I had my arm still around her. I half dragged half carried the smaller woman. She was practically unresponsive there under my arm. Her objections of being dragged were halfhearted at the very best.

Tenpenny, Pulaski and Hernandez were looking at me funny. The room full of Russian gangsters were scrutinizing my every step.

As I reached the threshold of the building I whispered to the smaller younger woman’s ear.

“You have been made before I even got in the room.” at those words her whole frame went rigid. “If it wasn’t for the 4 armed LSPD officers in the same room as you, they would be doing bad things to you at the moment.”

I flagged down a passing Taxi, open the door and shoved the girl inside.

“Drop her of behind the Vinewood sign” I gave the driver 10$, closed the door and turned to other officers.

“In the car now!” Tenpenny ordered Pulaski gave me a smug look.


“You better explain yourself right the fuck now!” Tenpenny wasn’t yelling his voice was just naturally loud.

“I did say I speak some Russia.” I played dumb. It came easy to me at the moment.

“Not that the girl at the end!” I went over what I just did in my head.

“Sir I don’t know why you mean.” Did I just lead someone out of a room full of armed Russians that wanted that said person?

“You go up to some skirt that was talking to a Gangster on his own turf and just put her under your arm and walk away!?! And you also challenged the said gangster to do something about it!!!” Not only that but I did it to a person that I have no reason to like.

“Well I…” I’m no hero, never was. What I just did was my big damn hero moment. The fuck is wrong with me?

“Explain now!” It was Pulaski voice that got me out of my spiraling thoughts.

“I just took a would-be rape victim out a room full of armed gangsters.” Wow that was some lovely line. This lie was perfect! “They were eyeballing her for something like half an hour!” I’m so pleased with myself right about now. “It doesn’t take a genius to put two and two together.”

“Oh” Tenpenny looked like he just noticed something obvious

“You did that to stop a rape?” Hernandez sounded somewhat surprised if please.

“Why the fuck would you?” ‘wait what?’ Pulaski didn’t just say what I think he said.

“Pulaski,” I said forcing myself to sound calm.”I don’t think I understood you. Please rephrase what you just said”

“Are you deaf as well as stupid?” He spat. ”Why the fuck would you pull such a stunt!”

I unhook my gun holster from my belt and handed it to Hernandez. Even if surprised he took it. Tenpenny noticed my action.

“Did you just called doing my job a stunt?” I asked there was more force in my voice. I was staring holes in the back of Pulaski head.

“John I’ll hold your gun for a moment.” Tenpenny picked up on my intentions before Pulaski did. He drove the car in an isolated yard we wouldn’t be observed by anyone here.

“What?” Pulaski asked his boss.

“We are about to resolve an disagreement between colleagues.” I said ”Or are you apologizing”

“Oh ok.” He just connected to dots. His gun landed in Tenpanny outstretched hand. “I’m about to put a rookie on her place.”

I was out of the car before he stopped talking. I unbuttoned my uniform shirt and got out of my armor vest. I noticed Tenpenny eyes getting slightly bigger at looking at the state of the half destroyed Kevlar chest plate. Pulaski just unpinned his badge.

“Bring it Bitch” He took a boxing stance facing me. “Let’s dance.”

I smiled.
17.18. New


New member


Remember the last time I went fisticuffs with an officer of the law? I only really remember parts of it.


I remember how of every punch I blocked 3 hit their mark. My brain was rattling in my skull. I was seeing stars and misplacing teeth with every hit.


I remember how in my desperation to not get hit I went full in and was rewarded with more of a beating.


I got the fiercest ass whooping I experience.


I remember waking up with one of the worst headaches ever.

Boom! Boom! Boom!

Fighting Pulaski was nothing like that. His guard had more holes in it that Bonny and Clyde did. His moves were sluggish, his punches he couldn’t telegraph them more if he gave me a written plan with pictures included.

Boom! Boom! Boom!

In every confrontation, you will ideally play to your strength as you try to mask your weaker aspects. People with longer reach you get close and personal with. Smaller people you held at distance. Faster opponents you try to drag in the horizontal with you, trying to over power. Slower opponent, your job is to avoid the last.

Don’t get me wrong. Pulaski is no push over. His punches had power, his moves were coordinated, and his stance and foot work solid. He could also take a punch. He was shrugging off punches I know could brake bone. He also had a lot of determination.

Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! And Boom!

All that meant was that I was beating him like a drum.

The only person that was having more fun than me at the moment was Hernandez.

“You want to back down now buddy?” The concern in the Espanic officer’s voice was so fake, it made me laugh.

“You better listen to your friend there.” I chuckled. ”If say ‘please’ and ‘sorry’ I will stop hitting you before this ends in a Knock out!” See here? I’m a magnanimous person.

“Sorry, I gonna brake your face and please be well soon after I get you in my hands” That was the approximation of what he said. Translated from busted lip and missing teeth speech. I also cut out all the times he paused catch a breath.

“Suit yourself, but remember you are out of breath and I’m not even winded.” If I had to put a label to my current condition I would call it comprehensively warmed up. But I don’t like labels. I suck at labeling stuff.

Tenpenny looked like he was hovering between annoyance and boredom. I decided to be a bit more entertaining.

“Oh come on man are you even trying anymore.” I blocked a haymaker, redirected a straight right and dodged a left hook.

“Just one good hit that’s all I need.” Pulaski said, or it was what I guessed he was trying to say.

“Really?” I put my hands down at that. “Fine!” my hands were behind my back.

Pulaski did not jump at the chance, wary of it being a bait. That pushed him up one notch on my intelligence scale for him. He was now at minus fifty seven. He approached cautiously, his guard up. I did not move a muscle. He went for it.


The punch wasn’t bad, Right hook to the jawline. I took worst form men, and women, better that this fraction of a man.

I rolled with it spun and went for an elbow hit. In real fights you never spin, its flashy gives you little and makes you lose eyes on the adversary. My elbow only kind of grazed his shoulder.

“I get my hands on you I will make you squeal like a bitch!!!”

“Really?!?” I jumped back from another wild haymaker. “Didn’t you learn anything? Casual dismissal of sexual assault is the reason we are having this conversation. Cut down on the Pulaski is a pervert and a creep crap.” I gave him a fair warning.

“I will pin you down face in the dirt and make you take it in the ass!!!” He spat. Well sort of. Being out of breath and with busted lip makes it hard to, make a good facial expression.

You can clearly see he is really asking for it. I went all in. Quick jabs and body strikes. Knees to the tights and sides. I forgot about defense. It was a slugfest. If very much one sided. He hit me once or twice when I hit him something like twenty, I wasn’t exactly counting. He backpedaled all the way. I let him get some distance.

“You want to talk some nasty disturbing shit!!!” I yelled, he found one of my buttons. Violence towards women. Was a big no-no in my book. Sexual violence was for me like someone giving me permission to stab them and not feel bad about it afterwards.

A straight kick to his chest made him lose his footing and fall down by the wall.

As he was climbing up to his feet I grabbed a fist full of his hair and introduced is face to the wall, repeatedly.

“Know your place you pudgy face bitch!” His face made contact with the wall yet again. ”You got nothing!” I punctuated the sentence with a hit to a kidney. ”Between the two of us the only ass getting any action will be yours when I ram my fist up it!!!” Ok that one was disturbing. I never been so violent in my life.

“Enough!!!” Tenpenny ordered.

“But I’m not finished.” I protested, I put on a good show but my heart was not in it. I actually wanted to stop. “Sir”

“Then finish it.”

“Ok” I was so glad. I was afraid of what more could happen.

Spin kick to the Pulaski face ended that conversation. Enough was enough. I was no monster, and here I threatened a man with rape! The fuck is wrong with me.

“Pick him up and put him in the car!” Tenpenny ordered. Hernadez moved to help me drag the unconscious man.

“Hernandez, don’t help her” Tenpenny stopped him “She made a mess. She cleans it up.”


Pulaski got dropped off at the All Saints Hospital. I got dropped off on the train tracks by my house. I was tired I was cranky I just wanted to go to bed. Johnny, or Dud J-Lo or however he liked to call himself, rounded the corner full speed. He spotted me and made a dear in the headlights expression. It lasted a moment. Then his expression turned smug. Spinning on the spot he turn his back to me.

Seconds later four Ballas rounded the corner full sprint. I didn’t had the time nor the inclination for this bullshit.

“Ma Sistah from nother Mistah Is here having my back.” Johnny flashed a gang sign at the quartet. My presents gave the gang bangers pause. But it was far from making them drop what their biff with dear ol Johnny. “You punk ass bitch tits ass niggas aint got the balls to mess with the fly ass bad ass best friend of Saskia ‘Motherfucking Ballas Blasting, psycho Vagos ending Strong Pimp Hand of Gonton’ Jefferson. You cock sucking bus…”

My fist cut short whatever he was about to say. Johnny went out like a light. The four Ballas looked like they were in various stages of shock.

“I don’t care what this is about but you are not killing him if I’m around.”

“Why you do that?” Asked the Banger in front of the group.

“I’m a peacekeeper! Johnny yelling his mouth off was disturbing the peace.” I grabbed Johnny by the ankle and started dragging him “I put a stop to it.”

“Leave his ass to us!” The leader argued but it was only posturing. His companions were not going try to have a go at me. He also looked like he was like breathing.

“Haha No”I said going on my way.”I leave him here and he gets stabbed something like fifty times. I’m a peacekeeper you don’t want to disturb the peace in my presents.”

“Fuck da Police!!!” Came from one of them the moment I turned my back.

“I heard that one before, tell another.” None of them did.

I’m going to bed.


‘Pity’ and ‘Fool’ was now tattooed on my knuckles. Nice!

What? I liked it. I also had the Polish Eagle tattooed on my back. I had to find a coin store, and buy a silver 200 zloty coin so the artist could get the thing right. The coin cost 10 dollars! I call it robbery! I over paid by factor of something like 2500! The coin now hanged an a silver chain around my neck. I like silver, gold is too ostentatious.

My next stop was “inside track” betting shop. I betted on the ponies for a bit. It was frankly depressing. It worked list like in the game. Out of 5 horse race each had the exact same chance of winning. I put 700$ in and got 1100$ out. I spent half a day doing just that. 5 hours later I got out with a grand total of 47345$ Dollars to my name.

Didier Sachs is one expensive place. I actually needed to wave my badge at them before they let me in. Waving a wad of bills alone didn’t grant me entry.

“Can I help you?” the woman working there looked at me like something she would scrapped off the sole of her expensive looking shoe.

“Yes I’m a police officer and was invited to attend the Ball at the Mayor Mansion. I need some formal wear.” ’I will also give you a ticket first chance I get’ I didn’t say the last part out loud. Stuck up bitch!

7000$ dollars later is stood in my brand new Tweed three piece suit. Tuxedo packed in the bag in my hand. Why didn’t I go with a dress you ask?

I had bandages on that covered more skin. The long silk dress had opened back. You could see my ass crack in that thing. I was utterly unable walk around in heels, and I refused to put on a mini!

There was also the added problem of not being able to look myself in the mirror. With the three piece suit and the tux I at least remembered they look good on me.

Having done with shopping I went to do the one thing I dreaded!


“You think you so scary, do you?!?” I said with all the bravado I could muster.

“You think I’ll back down from you!?! You wrong!” I boasted “I will brake you in! You will put you under me and you will be purring like a kitten!!!” I struck a pose and pointed my finger.

People in the windows were looking at me. Some were munching on popcorn or having a swing of the beverage of their choice.

The target of my proclamation was not impressed. It just stood there being a Grand Prix motor bike.

“Fuck you all I’m doing it!” Yelled at my audience.

I straddled the bike put on a helmet I got in ProLaps for 40 bucks.

I was off to face my demons!


You know after getting the ‘don’t fall off’ part down. Riding a bike was like riding a bike. Just faster, and you didn’t have to peddle that much.

I did my practice in the salvage yard. Fewer kids laughing at me there. After few hours practice I felt confident enough to drive in the night traffic. After an hour I tried my luck on the freeway.

You know what?


I love my stolen bike so much. I never had the feeling of such power between my legs…

Did I just say that?

This world and all it innuendo is getting to me. I don’t care! I’m doing two hundred on the freeway! The rev meter is all the way up to eleven!

“Woo Hoo!!!” I just over took a semi like it was standing still

”Woo Hoo!!!” I just drove between a station wagon and a sabre.

“When I feel heavy metal!!!” I’m singing Blur Song 2. Around 200 kg of NRG 500 motor bike under me, producing about as much horse power. This thing is heavy metal incarnate feel free to argue the point but I will not hear you! I will be a mile away before you even open your mouth. I’m doing five kilometers every minute. That’s 190 mile per hour in Neanderthal.

“Woo Hoo!!!”


“wooooo uhh.”

I got up from the asphalt.

Why is there a pile up behind me?

Why do I have problems walking in a straight line? Also why does remaining vertical require so much work.

“I need to practice some more!”


I kept to narrow dirt roads driving home. As I got past the forum the universe corrected itself. It was no longer at a 30 degree angle nor was it spinning. I was glad for that. I wasn’t glad that the bike gave up the ghost just before the bridge. Turns out having a big hole in your oil radiator is not a good thing. Also you should check your vehicle for any and all damage after crashing in the back of a Perennial before you get back on your bike.

Kind off obvious in hindsight.

“Hey, Saskia! Hey, Saskia!” what now? I turned in the direction of the voice.

“That’s Miss Saskia!” I said to the group of kids running in my direction.

“Why is there a windshield wiper sticking out of your helmet.” The kid completely disregarded my comment.

“What?” I asked as my hand reached up to my helmet. There was something there that shouldn’t .

I stopped and took my helmet off.

“There is a windshield wiper sticking out of my helmet.” I stated the obvious. I wondered for a moment how did it get there and why was my skull still in one piece.

“Miss Saskia! Miss Saskia! Miss Saskia!” a little girl jumped up and down while holding up her hand.

“Yes? What do you want?”

“Why you hit Johnny and dragged him to your place last night?” Ok something in the wording of the question didn’t sound right.

“My momma said is because you so big only way for you to get a boyfriend is to whack him on the head with a club and drag him to your cave. Miss Saskia why do you want a boyfriend? ” I was about to say something, I don’t know what. When another kid started speaking.

“You need mommy and daddy to have babies. Miss Saskia wants to make babies.” The kid was very proud giving his theory.

“NO NO NO, Making Babies is lame. Miss Saskia too Cool for that!” Protested some girl

“Was you using him to practice killing Bang bangers on, like Theo practices playing doctor on me” The girl look six or seven, A red light flashed before my eyes.

“Who’s Theo?” I asked through gritted teeth.

“Him!” The girl pointed at a boy six or seven years old. The boy was looking at his feet like their were the most interesting things in the world.

“Oh! Never mind then…”I said

“Will you let as watch you ride your bike?”

“No, the bike is broken.”


“I broke it.”


“I didn’t mean to.”

“Mommy says didn’t mean to is not an excuse, Mommy says only dumbasses do things they didn’t mean to do.”

“Don’t call her a dumbass, dumbass!”

“No you dumbass!”

“No you.”

“Miss Saskia will you let me ride your bike?”

“Why you hit Johnny?”

“Miss Saskia Miss Saskia.”

Dear reader I had two options.

Option One: Yell at the kids to be quiet. Reason with them make them stop yelling at each other and find a constructive and level head conflict resolution.

Option Two: Forget it all leave the damaged bike where it stood. Put fingers in my ears and go home yelling LALALALALA all the way.

Like good Zen master I followed the path of least resistance.


Getting in my apartment building and holding the door behind me so no ankle bitters could get in, I walked up stairs to my apartment. Someone was waiting for me.

“You again???” I throw my hands in the air, to express my annoyance.

“We need to talk.”Jackie Brown stood in the hall way. For once there was no smile on the woman’s lips.

“How about? NO! You oblivious incompetent bitch!” I yelled got pass her and through the door. I slammed then in her face.

“We need to talk.” Came a male voice from behind me. I slowly turned to face its owner. An athletic African-American sat on my sofa. There was pistol in his hand but he wasn’t pointing it at anything. My SMG was on the coffee table partly disassembled.

Sweet Johnson wanted to talk to me.

I closed my eyes hang my head and let out a long resigned breath.

“Ok fine. You want tea or something?” He may have broken in, but that was no reason to be a bad hostess.
19.20. New


New member

I was making tea. I was making it for a notorious gang leader.

“Sweet, you said you wanted to talk.” I put pot full of water on the stove. “Will you tell me the topinc you want to address?”

“Drop the fake ass white people talk!” He spat “You was born and raised here! Act like it!”

“If you want to get out of the Ghetto, first you have to get the Ghetto out of you.” I smiled, if you took Sweets picture right this moment you could put it in a dictionary right next to ‘restrained rage’.

“You want to get out no one is stopping you!” He was doing his best to control himself. “I can even float you some cash to rent a place in Red Country. I’ll even give you a ride.”

I had no idea what his game was. If he wanted to get rid of me the pistol in his hand would accomplish it far easier and quicker. The water in the pot was warming up far too slow for my liking.

“I’m not planning on getting out of here “ I mentioned around me. “I’m planning on getting the ‘here’ out of” I pointed my finger at my temple and smiled.” ‘here’ The mentality needs to change for this place to change.”

“The fuck you on about!?! This is where we are at! This,” he pointed at gun in his hand, “and this” he pointed at his green shirt. “Is what is real!!!”

“So is this.” I pointed at my uniform shirt hanging on a nail on the wall, the badge clearly visible.

“I can believe you have the balls to show your face here after what you pulled!”

“You must be more specific than that. Do you mean arresting your dumb ass brother, or shooting up Willowfield, or saving the life of Johnny the other day?”

“You really are that stupid are you?” I think I was missing something. “How could you sell your family. JH your dad dead, Lois and Martin dead your brothers. The cops shot them like animals and you put the uniform on. Are you trying to go up from a field slave to a house nigga.”

So that was why Saskia’s mother was so upset. No wonder, if her two kids and husband were all killed by the police and her last living child became a cop. In her place I’d be upset to.

At myself.

Both sons, dead husband dead, her only living kid a drug addict. The lady must have dropped so many balls.

Sweet stopped talking. He expected some reaction. He didn’t get any. It was simple to shrug off an accusation if you didn’t feel connected to it.

“Have you no decency?” He asked after a long pause.

“I was huffing paint and sniffing glue since grade school, I got busted for prostitution in High School.” I pointed out what I know of the body I resided in. “Are you asking a former Crack Whore if she has decency?”

He opened his mouth and closed it.

“What about your Family?” He asked

“I woke up one day and I actually had to look for a photo ID to figure out my name.” True. “A lady came to the hospital to visit me. I had no idea who she was. She was my mother.”True. “Decided to get clean and get my life in order. No one can live like this.”

“The fuckers killed you blood and you are now kissing their ass.” He continued.

“You know Pulaski?” I asked

“Yeah, I know the racist fat pig.” He spat

“He is in hospital, I put him there.” That got his attention.

Closed my fist and showed him my knuckles. Word ‘pity’ on the right ‘fool’ on the left.

“I pitied the fool.”

“What?” Sweet sat a bit straighter in the chair “How? Where was Tenpenny when you did that?”

“He was holding Pulaski’s gun and watching. He stopped me before I showed my fist up the fat fuck ass.”

Sweet let out a little chuckle. “I’m curious, in how much trouble is you in?”

“As punishment I had to drag that fat ass in the car and drop him at the hospital.” I said truthfully. “That thing hanging on the wall,” I pointed at my uniform,”Let’s me do thing few people could. I wasted Ballas and Vagos and I think I’m about to get a medal and got invited to the mayor mansion. That uniform lets me do more good that anyone. Tenpenny likes me. That corrupt pig thinks I he can play me like a fiddle. He won't see me coming.”

“The fuck! You are trying to take them down from the inside.” Sweet looked thoughtful at that. “Remember if you stare in to the abyss the abyss stares back at you.”

I raised an eyebrow at that.

“What?” He looked indignant “I read books!”

“Before or after you eat them?”

“Fuck you!” He said as he chuckled. He flipped the safety on his pistol to the on position. Good thing too. The pot with the boiling water to splash his face with was ready. Instead of using it as an improvised weapon I actually did made tea with it.


After bidding fare well to Sweet, I turned for the night early.

Wake up wash face get dressed. Go out take a cab to the precinct.

That was the plan. As I got out of my apartment building there was three things I didn’t expect.

First was Jackie Brown.

“We need to talk.” She is persistent I’ll give her that.

Second was Johnny.

“Sorry about yesterday and how I acted. I hope we are cool, I got your bike fixed up for you.

Third was the NRG-500 bike I close to totaled yesterday. I swear, the thing is following me!

I pinched the bridge of my nose.

“No” I turned to Jackie. “We don’t need to do anything. You need to need to fuck off already”

“Thanks” I turned to Johnny “No hard feelings.”

There was a sound of a train going. Nothing new. Four guys with SMG were riding on top of it. New but not all that surprising considering where I was. Two guys on a dirt bike, in pursuit.

“Later! work to do!” I said and jumped on the bike. I didn’t hear what either Jackie nor Johnny said and the whirl of the 500cc high performance engine drowned everything around me.


Anyone playing the game remembers the mission “Wrong side of the tracks” by the virtue to being a collosal pain in the ass to complete. Back in the game the player had to ride along a speeding train, on a dirt bike with big and heavy Big Smoke slowing the bike down, and let him practice shooting at the Vagos riding to the train roof. While you dodged traffic and oncoming trains.

It was the mission that broke suspension of disbelief and immersion something fierce. Because you needed to attempt it again and again.

I meet CJ, I had no confidence in his ability to pull it off. This was a story mission. The last thing I wanted is for the world to reset, or fell apart if he failed. I have no wish to end up in Langoliers world or Ground Hog Day. A cookie for anyone getting the first reference.

Turns out that being alone on the bike, makes it go faster. Turns out driving a professional motor sport vehicle and not dirt cheap Sanchez makes chasing down train and over taking them a child’s.

I zipped pass the Sanches CJ and Big Smoke were riding. They were no way close enough to their targets. The train looked like it was stationary from my perspective. I got to the tunnel with time to spare.

I drove up the hill and stopped above the tunnel entry. The train was approaching with for me felt like an agonizingly slow speed. I also remembered I was unarmed. My SMG back at my place. Pistol in the weapon lock up at the LSPD HQ.

‘This is not smart’

‘I’m going to die’

‘Maybe the world will not end if CJ fails’

‘Sane people don’t do what you are about to do’

“You know what brain? We are doing it anyway!”

The bikes tire spun under me. I revved the engine and let go of the brake. The bike stood on its rear wheel as I speed down the hill. I was at 45 degree angle when the ground beneath me ended. The air time was short. My back wheel hit the first Vagos on the head, the second got a face full of my front wheel. The third was clotheslined by my bike handle bars. I lost control at this point and just slid forward, the bike swept the last Vago of his feet. By luck, the sliding bike stopped as the it fell on the gap connecting two train cars. My motion relative to the train stopped as I hit the bike.

There I was somehow sitting on the bike once again. I looked at the train car roof. The four Vagos only a red smear on it. CJ and Big Smoke riding alongside the train were gaping at me like fishes. CJ was so surprised he didn’t notice the barrier that was on the tracks for some reason, and crashed in it.

He’ll be fine. I crashed my bike at 200mph and just walked in off. Plus he would also act as cushion Big Smoke. That as much as he is good for.

I just jumped a bike on a train killed four armed gang members, made the protagonist looks stupid, again. And did it all looking like a baws. That was a dumb reference but I am sticking with it.

I had the dumbest goofiest grin on my face.



I did something awesome. I had the right to do my victory lap. I rode slowly, arms crossed. Yup no hands, it looked like my bike riding skill was high enough for that already. I was so pleased with myself puffing my chest as far as I could. If I smoke in this body I would be puffing a big fat cigar right about now. People in the windows were giving me funny looks, the gang members on the streets just looked at me confused.

“You are not going to steal my thunder.” I said as I passed a group of Ballas. I doubt they could hear me.

I drove my bike all the way to my apartment. Both Johnny and Jackie were still there.

I extended my fist for a fist bump to Johnny, he returned it.

“Yesterday you called me Saskia’something something’ Jefferson. It sounded like you were writing me a love poem.” He looked a bit embarrassed. “If you have to do that I’ll give you a nick name for me to use.” I waited a bit for effect before continuing.

“Shotgun.” I made another pause, then explained ”You hear that?” Hand to my ear pretended to listen. Hitting my own chest twice to get the dull thumb sound, I started rapping:

”That the sound of a Shotgun.

Everybody jumps from the sound of a Shotgun in my neighborhood I am one.

Everybody runs from the sound of a Shotgun in my neighborhood I am one.”

My apologies to Limp Bizkit.

Johnny looked suitably impressed.

“Shiiit…Preach on Lady Saskia!” He looked down on the bike.

“You got your bike dirty.” He frowned, I bet it cost him money to get the thing fixed.

“That’s just blood. It will come off if I ride through a puddle.” Well he looks ill right now. Meh, pussy, I worked with butchers on occasion, then helped prepare the meat of the recently slaughtered pig. Blood sausages, Fresh fried pigs brain on toast. Mmm. So yeah blood doesn’t faze me since the late 1980’s. Well hanging dead pigs from the thendrons in the legs on hooks is still disturbing, but you can get pass that.

I looked at Jackie just standing there silent. There was determination in her eyes.

“Didn’t I tell you to fuck off?” I asked

“We need to talk.” Jackie said, her voice had a pleading note to it. “Please.”

“…” I blinked

I blinked again. She did say please. Telling her to fuck off again would be like kicking a puppy.

“Yeah ok, but I have places I got to be.” I said starting the engine again “Hop on!”

Her face lit up like a Christmas tree. Strange analogy? I’m feeling too good about myself at the moment to care.


“You can let go now.” I told Jackie as I stopped my bike behind the HQ. She was holding on to my back like her life depended on it. Well it sorta did when I was driving but the engine was off already. Her knees were digging in my sides and her arms around me made it hard to breath. It was very uncomfortable.

“Jackie, Off!” I poked her with my elbow. “We are standing still.”

I felt her face move from the position between my shoulder blades. She let go shortly after.

I looked at her, her knees were trembling.

“You wanted to talk, here we are on a nice safe parking lot behind the LSPD Headquarters,” I said in a calm voice. “Say your peace. I have to be on duty in the next 7 minutes.”

“Saskia, I’m an undercover police officer.” She said calming down a bit.

“I figured.” Saying that I pushed the bike between two police cruisers. No point of it taking up a full parking space.

“How did you?” There was a degree of surprise in her voice. I wondered about that. I did tell her she got made, at the Russian place. Hard to read it any other way. It implied I thought her an confidential informant or undercover cop. I played with the idea of saying something badass. Like ‘I knew the moment I saw you’. or ‘I knew before you even set eyes on me’. But she had venerability around her she didn’t have when she had that full on grin when we talked before.

“You seemed off, when you talked to me. Real people are not that friendly.”

“Oh” the fact it looked like it came as a revelation to her annoyed me a little. Don’t they teach them anything at the academy? Then I remembered I been through the bunny ears *academy* bunny ears. They really didn’t.

“Also Herr Flick from the Gestapo more or less sold you out when I talked to him.”


“The accountant looking fellow in the internal affairs office.”

“Detective Bosch?” so that was his name. “He did that?”

“Well I had my suspicion about you already.” I said ”When I told him I would appreciate if he stopped sicking you at me every chance he gets. He protested way too much. I put two and two together.”

“Well I am an undercover police officer.”I think she went for the great reveal, saying that before. I guess me going ‘yeah and’ was anticlimactic “I never was detected before. I have very high success record.”

“Let me guess. You infiltrated gangbangers and drug dealers. Going up to a street corner thug looking like you do.” Well she was pretty by most definitions of the word. Nothing spectacular but she did had a pleasant looking face. “No wonder they want to talk to you. But Russian Mob is not your small time idiots that have no other life skill other that sell dope and flash gang signs at passing Police cars. Those people are usually career military or intelligence workers. You had a 2 months course. They graduated collage. You are not in the same league as them.” She looked like I just slapped her.

“Yet” I added to lessen the blow. “I’m know, you can get there.” I smiled at the end.

It got me the first genuine looking smile, from Jackie. Turns out she is not only pretty but also has a wonderful smile.

“You really mean that?” She asked.

“Yes, why not?” I got from crack whore to bodybuilder physique in weeks in this world. If the same bullshit game logic applied to acting, the girl could be the next Mata Hari. Well not the actual Mata Hari, but the legend of her. ”You could be a legend if you apply yourself.”

“Thank you.” She looked down a bit embarrassed, she looked adorable doing it.

I punched myself in the temple. It startled Jackie.

‘No brain! Bad brain! You do not have any romancing options!’ I wordlessly said to myself.

“Something bit me.” I explained. Yeah a dose of stupid got in my brain. My brain was likely getting back at me for making it jump on a moving train with a bike, aiming to land on armed gangsters. I can’t even look at the strangers eyes in the mirror. Any thought of any hanky-panky in this body, or even thinking about it, was out of the question. I was well aware I’m holding to my sanity by the thread as it is.

Well she is still looking at me.

“Was that all? I need to get to work.”

“Oh” she jumped a bit at that. ”I wanted to thank you for getting me out of that lobby.” She dug in her pocket. “Here is my number.” She gave me a piece of paper. ”Call me if you need anything.”

“Feel free to drop by my place anytime.” I offered, before thinking. Stupid brain, bad brain, chatting up pretty girls is not an option.

“Thanks, I think I will.” She said.

“I know. I’m still IA under investigation.” Good save. ”You can drill me for info in my house at tea and not in front of the apartment build like you usually do.” That was nice lie. I will make my brain believe that crap.

Jackie gapes like a fish at me. Heh!


My good mood lasted all the way till my patrol with Richards, and beyond.

“What you so happy about?” Richards said after something like two hours of me constantly grinning. We had a vehicle patrol in down town area. It was more of a casual drive that an actual work. “You got laid or something?”

“You know Pulaski?” I asked still in good mood.

“Oh my God! Eww!” Richards looked scandalized.

“What? NO!!!” I protested, I just realized what I said.”No, no, no, He is in hospital. I put him there myself.”

“eh?” Very eloquent of you Richards.

“I kicked the shit out of him after he had the audacity to ask me why I put my head on the line saving a would-be rape victim from getting raped.”

“Where was Tenpenny when you did that?” Richards stopped looking at me funny after that.

“He was holding Pulaski’s gun, and keeping an eye out so I wouldn’t go overboard.”

“Pulaski is a waste of perfectly good uniform filling.” There was not at all concealed disgust in Richards voice. “If it wasn’t for Tenpenny and especially Hernandez having his back the man would be doing twenty to life.”

“Really?” I guessed it was something like that, but the clarification that Hernandez had a hand in it was new. I guessed Hernandez and Pulaski were just two bat boys for Tenpenny. I needed think about it some more, there were things behind the scenes I was not aware off.

“Yeah, the man is a creep and a racist.” Richards said “I’m a fucking creep and a racist so me saying that means a lot.”

“You never hit me as a racist.” I said, my mood was still good. “You never said anything to me.”

“Because you are fucking intimidating.”

“Aww,”lets needle Richards for a bit. “You say the nicest things.”

“Some times I forget you are a woman.” He said “Then you say things like that. Anyway Saskia, good job putting the idiot out of circulation for a while.”

“Did I ever tell you Rupert that I like you?” I asked.


“That’s because I don’t, but I’m slowly beginning to think that you are all right in my book.”

“I have a wife.” Richards sat a bit straighter saying that. I read it as him joking.

“And a girlfriend, or several.” I pointed out.

“Yeah that to.”

“If a woman says something nice to you it doesn’t mean she wants to get close and personal with Rupert Junior.”

“Meh” he chuckled “A man can dream.”

“Never about me!” I warned “If you do I will know and I will break your nose for it”

“I don’t doubt you could.”


I flipped the sirens on and floored it. Richards went for the radio, reporting we were on our way.


Thinking about it now, I was pushing my luck for no good reason. I don’t know why I did what I did. I may have still been high on my later victory. Or I may be losing my mind altogether. Whatever the reason, here’s what happened. Or at the very least how I remember it.


As our Premier rounded the corner we were greeted by rain of lead hitting us. The engine was hit and begun to sputter. I swerved to the left, hiding behind a SWAT van that was already there.

I recognized the noise. It was the sound of an M4, or at least the sound it had in the game.

“You ok!”I asked Richards.

“Yea!” He got out and crouched behind the van. I grabbed the shotgun we had in the car and followed.

SWAT guys were covering behind the van and trading fire with whoever was shooting up the place. They were firing their Mac-10 looking things here called the Mirco-SMG over the hood of their van and around corner.

“Here is SWAT team Epsilon. We require FBI back up.” One guy was yelling in his radio. He was crouching over another SWAT guy, pressing on the wound on the prone guy shoulder. Bullets were hitting the other side of the van.

“The fuck they have on!?!” Called yet another SWAT guy, as he reloaded.

I scanned the surroundings. On the other side of the street two motocycle cops were taking turns firing around a corner of a building. They were sending out a steady stream of lead the bad guys direction. Not that it appeared to be doing any good. The M4 was still shooting.

I kicked the side view mirror of the now well ventilated squad car I drove here. I grabbed the mirror and used it to scan the scene.

There was a guy in what looked like cross country motorcycle gear with an M4 and a very large black travel bag on his back. He just casually walked around shooting at everything in uniform. Further scan with my mirror revealed one more guy with similar attire and travel bag. This one was sporting a AK-47. Bad guy number two attention was directed in the direction away from us. There were stacks of bills sticking out of his travel bag.

Guy number one got hit by one of our SWAT guys. The only effect it had was him pointing his rifle our way and unleashing at full auto. A stray bullet knocked my mirror out of my hand.

I looked at the shotgun in my hands. Game mechanics are one thing but I doubted the small pellets would do more that annoy the guy wrapped in Kevlar from head to toe.

I heard the sound of the M4 approaching. The guy was walking towards us firing, like he didn’t have a worry in the world.

“We have to fall back!” Yell a SWAT guy holding his ears. “I didn’t sign up for this shit.”

He’s SWAT I believe it is exactly what he sign up for. The sound of fire turned from full auto to short controlled burst. It was getting closer.

The motorcycle cops on the other side of the street, were waving their hands in our direction and pointing interchangeably. The bad guy was making his way around the van.

Everybody with me were pointing their guns in the direction, the guy was about to come from. I put down the shotgun, and crouched, like a sprinter on the starting line.

“Pick up the epic motherfucker!” I said and ran.

Full speed, I shoulder checked the guy in protective gear. I managed to grab the fore grip of his rifle as he fell on his back. The weapons stayed in my hand. I reversed the hold and aimed. Between the chin guard and the top of his vest plate. Eyes bulging in surprise looked at me through the thick glass visor as I pulled the trigger.

Going down on one knee I switched targets. Guy number 2 was facing away from me. The distance between us around 30 meters. I took my time lining my shot. He had a high collar on his vest. He half turned showing me his side. His arms were parallel to the ground as he scanned for any and all targets. I aimed right under his arm. The round found the opening in his armour around his armpit.

He fell like a puppet with its lines cut.

I felt wetness running down my thigh my arm and my cheek.

“Uhm, Medic!”
Top Bottom