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Shenanigans. Shenanigans Everywhere!(Archie Sonic)(Kinda-SI)

Crash Landing

Habstab

Master of the Stab
Author
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Time: One Hour AC(After Crash)
Location: ???
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Pain. Oh, God! The pain! Ya ever slam your face into a tree? No? Let me tell ya... It's painful. Oh so very painful. So... I'd suggest you don't do that. Ever. Though, I didn't really have I choice with-

Wait. I haven't actually explained what's going on yet, have I? Well... Truth be told, I don't have any ideas myself. I literally opened my eyes, and immeditaly crashed into a tree. And then I screamed in pain. Yep. That's what happened. I have no clue why it happened, but it happened. Still completely unsure why that happened. There's no reason I should have been a forest... Or why I would be flying face first at a tree.

Anywho, eh, what happened next was quite... Weird. Oh, yeah... I wasn't human anymore. And I didn't have a mouth anymore... Yeah, I probably just screamed incoherently for... an hour. Of course, not completely straight. I stopped to catch my breath, and ran around in terror. Yeah, uh, I'm not good at dealing with stressful situation. Not at all. Nope.

And... Yep, that's everything that's happened so far. I... Hate my life...

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Time: Three Hours AC(After Crash)
Location: ???
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I finally got out od that damn forest! And I even found a city! A city... With a force field around it. Frack it. Frack it all! Yep life just has to f with me. Blargh, why can't things be easy for once? Sigh...

I trek towards the city, protected by an actual force field, muttering vulgar comments all the way. Why I, finally, reach the force field... I did something quite ridiculous, as my current predicament was always insane, and knocked on the the stupid thing. Of course, nothing happened. That didn't stop me from knocking on it again, and again, and again. Eventually, the shield fell... And a robot, wearing a apron.

"What do you require, sir?"

Ya know, I could probably say something edgy like 'I'm looking for answers' or something to that effect. Instead... "I, truth be told, have no idea. But, uh... Can I come in?"

"Do you require assistance?"

"... I have absolutely no idea where I am. And I really want to fix that... So, yes, I would like some help." I'm... Not sure what to do now. Maybe I should have actually thought of that before I tregded over here. Ugh.

"One moment sir." The robot makes a strange beeping noise, before walking away. "Please follow me sir."

"... Ya know, this is probably stupid... But, eh... Better than wandering around aimlessly until I starve." I sigh, before trying to keep up with the goofy looking robot... And nearly crashed into it when it suddenly stopped, and the force field reactivated.

"Warning! Warning! Enemies detected! Reactiving force field!" The robot blares out, before running off again. Ugh, bloody hell.

----
Time: Three Hours and Thirty Minutes AC(After Crash)
Location: Strange Lab In A Mysterious City
----

"And... That's literally it." I shrug at the old man in front of me.

"Intriguing." He mutters, putting a hand under his chin. "Something must have dragged you to our reality. Either some sort of anomaly, or someone, or something, purposely brought you."

"So you actually believe me?" I ask him, slighty suspicious.

"Oh, my friend, stranger things happened." He sigh, shaking his head. "Now, will I would try my hardest to help you return hope, but, sadly, I have problems of my own."

"... And those are?" Oh, I wasn't actuallyplanning on helping him with anything dangerous. Still, might as well learn what I'll need to keep my head down around.

"It's Sonic and his gang. They keep attacking my SWEEPbots!" Anger actually begins to flood it's way through his voice. And... Wait, 'Sonic' and his gang? Sonic... And... While I hate to admit it I do kinda look like...

"Would this 'Sonic' guy happen to be a hedgehog?" Please don't let this-

"Why, yes. Do you have your own version of him in your reality?"

"... Y-You could say that." Aaaaannnndddd... Yep. Stupidity. Ugh. Blargh. Wait... Is this guy Eggman then? He does have robots, and a mustache. But... Well, this guy's robots wear skirts. Eggman's, I think, don't wear any actual clothes. "Uh... So, what exactly does this gang do? Besides the robot destroying."

"He and his friends want to conquer the whole world. If I hadn't created the force field that surrounds this whole city, they'd gladly rip it apart!"

"... Uh... O-Okay then... Is there anything-" What can I do here? If Sonic really is evil, there's probably little to nothing I can do here, right? I'm no fighter, by any stretch of the- Wait... Evil Sonic? Good Eggman? I'm guessing this world has everyone's morality flipped... Maybe even their whole backstories. So, would that mean... "Pfft! Hahaha!"

"Is everything alright." Wait? D-Did I do that out loud? Whoops! Eh...

"Oh, don't worry Doc. Don't you worry. I've just had an idea. A very... Funny idea. One that may actually be fix your problems." I chuckle, giving him a huge grin. "I have a question. Are there any space stations flying around?"
----
A/N: Haven't posted anything for quite a while, so I've decided I'll cross post my cracky fanfiction over here are well!

Anywho, thanks to my friends on SB, LostGhost, Boohooo!, and Cyril Hendrix.

Anywho, I hope this crazy, crack insanity was st least a bit entertaining! Hopefully.
 
Onwards, To A Completely Different Plan
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Time: Three Hours and Fifty Minutes AC(After Crash)
Location: The Clinic
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The image before me... It offends my eyes. Biker jackers. Biker! Jackers! Who the fracking fruging frag-Ya know what, I don't care. Well, actually, I do care. "... Why do those idiots look like a band of edgy teenages? I'd rather call Sonic the Fonz than think of him as a serious bad guy."

"The 'Fonz'?" Dr. Kintobor asks, completely befuddled. Kintobor. Wasn't Eggman's name Robotnik? So... If he ain't lying about his name, there's a pretty good chance he won't stab me in the back.

"Yeah, he was a fictional character on TV. Though, unlike this Sonic, from what I hear, the Fonz was actually a pretty stand up guy. Though, I've never actually watched his show myself." I answer with a shrug. "Anywho, the Fonz aside, what do these guys... Actually do?"

"They terrorize the citizens, leave litter all over the place, insult everyone they meet, with Sonic flirting with every girl he meets, and, if the rumor is true, Sonic even helped the former King's daughter, Sally Acorn... Well, no one is really sure what happened. One day, the king disappeared, with those two being the last ones to be seen with him." He explains with a shudder.

"So... They killed the king?" Well... If they were full fleged murderers, this was going to get ugly, fast.

"Well, no one knows. Nobody even knows where his body went!"

"... Okay, that's... That's concerning." If this is a crapsack 'reversed morality' world, there's a chance he's the 'man behind the man', so to speak. Or, maybe they did straight up murder him, and just stored his body somewhere only they'd look. Welp. "S-So... Anywho, next question, uh, do you think my plan will work?"

"Like I said, I won't be able to build a ship that will be space worthy quickly. It will, at the least, take a few days. I am quite sorry." He replies. "And, with Sonic and his gang around, they might try to steal the ship when it is finished."

Ugh. Sigh. I can see where this is going... "I'm going to do something stupid. Something only a madman would."

The kind doctor looks at me in both confusion and concern. "And... That would be?"

"... I'm going to need a trench coat, a mask, a very fast land vehicle that can hold at least four to five people in case I pick up and strays, a duffle bag to carry stuff... Something that can remove any physical trace of me... A bomb, really... A small bomb, a bomb none the less... And, uh, do you have something that can detect when Sonic and his gang, his whole gang, leaves their base?"
----
Time: Six hours and thirty minutes AC(After Crash)
Location: Knothole Forest
----

I'mma gonna die. I'mma gonna die. I'MMA GONNA DIEEEEE! A bomb! Why the hell did I ask for a bomb! Why the hell did I try my hardest to convince the doc to willingly make me one? Ugh, this was the most hair brained scheme I have ever come up with. Blarghing hell! Why am I so suicidal! Why! Still... Someone has to do this.

And, that's why I'm overlooking the 'town' of 'Knothole' forest. It seems... So depressing. Like, almost cartoonishly so. Still, hopefully they're all either too depressed or, at least, hate this Sonic and his buddies enough that they won't care about me sneaking around the town. Though, I'm probably not that-

"SONIC! SONIC! COME OUT HERE SO I CAN SQUISHY YOU!" My hands clamp down on my non-existent ears as the loudest young girl I've ever heard screams out in annoyance. And, that right there is a major accomplishment. Ugh. "HEY! YOU THERE! DO YOU KNOW WHERE MY SONIC IS!" I blink in confusion as the source of the insanity din litterally blitzes towards me as a puff of pink... A pink hedgehog wearing a green dress, to be exact.

"Uh... N-N-No...?" That's technically a lie. I do know where he was when I left, but not now.

"RARGH!" The tiny demon child shouts in anger. "I WANNA SQUISHY SONIC! I WANNA SQUISHY HIM!"

... Oh, God, am I really going to do this? "Uh... Hey, kid, what's your name?"

She stops, a look of confusion adorns her face. "Oh, uh... Sorry mister. I'm Amy Rose! And I'mma squish Sonic. I'mma squish him so hard, he's finally going to realise how much I want him squished!"

... Oh go-Wait. Wasn't Amy an adult? Da fuck? Uhm... I'm really going to do this... Sigh. Engage 'lying with as straight a face as possible' mode. "... That's cool, kid. Say, I was going to look for Sonic myself later. Maybe I could bring you to him so you can smashy him. Does that sound like fun?"

Her face brights up, as she jumps up and down. "Really? I GETTA SMASH SONIC! YAY!"

... Okay, just clarify, I'm not actually going to throw her at Sonic, hoping she can brutally murder him. Oh, no. Completely the opposite, actually. Still, there is one last question I need to ask her.

"Hey, Amy, do you know of any places that Sonic and his buddies visit a lot? Maybe a house, a base, a lab?"

"Ooo! Yeppers!"

))))((((

I push my way through the crowd of arguing Mobians, little Amy happily skipping after me... With a giant wooden hammer. Okay then... Hopefully that keeps any idiot from trying to attack me. Well, maybe- Ow! My face!

"Keep your hands to yourself, buddy!" I twirl around, dazed, for a moment or two, before stopping. I blink for a second after that, and finally get a good look at the person who just slapped me. And... She's yellow. Well, her fur's yellow. But her very stereotypical goth clothes and make-up certainly aren't. "Hey, you aren't going to apologise?"

"Apologize for what?" I ask, rubbing my sore cheek.

"Don't pretend you don't know!"

"... But I don't know. Uh, miss..."

"... You don't know why I am?" She asks, indignantly.

"... Nope. Notta clue."

"The name's Mina. Mina Mongoose." She glares at me. "I'm a celebrity. Ringing any bells?"

"Nope." I admit with a shrug. "Hey, Amy, you ever heard of her?" I ask my tiny new 'friend'.

"Oh, yeah! I have!" She beams. "She's a singer... I think. Though... Everybody tells me her music is 'trash'."

"Hmm." The Mongoose girl huffs, before turning and limping aw-

"Uh, what happened?" Oh, I'm going to regret this. Ugh. Really. Just...

"What's it to you?" She asks defensively, a frown plastered over her face.

"I just don't like seeing people limping around." I confess. "It's just... Horrifying to me."

"Oh, if you really must know, some of my 'critics' decided that I, for some stupid reason, needed a 'lesson'." She answers dismissively.

Umm... "Uh, stupid question. But, doesn't that, ya know, hurt?"

"Ridiculously so. What, ya going to laugh at me?"

"... No? I was actually going to to offer to help."

She stops, completely unsure what to do next. "I-I... Why would you want to do that?"

"It's simple. I don't like seeing people suffer. Is that really so strange?" Actually, considering this is a 'anti-morality' verse, it probably is, knowing my luck.

"..." She stares blankly at me few a few moments. "... You're not going to drug me or anything, right?"

"... What the hell would I do that."

She stares directly into my eyes, as if she might see any signs of deceit. Any, hopefully, she doesn't see any, as I'm not actually lying to her. "... Fine. Ugh."

"Great!" I... Try to beam, though, thanks to my lack of a mouth, I'm not sure if it exactly translates well. Wait, why hasn't anyone commented on my lack of a mouth? Is this just... A common occurrence here? Ugh, no matter. "Just need to do one thing first!"

And... The glare's back.

)))))((((

I'm letting my two new 'friends' chat outside while I sneak into... Well, less sneak and more 'check to make sure there's no traps, and then immeditaly barge into' the lab. Which I do... Decently well, I think. And, now for the bomb and duffle bag portion of the mission. I walk around the lab, randomly stuffing different things into it, from random parts, to blueprints, even what looked like a hand held device of some sort. Which I shall now put into my bag-

"AAAAAAAAA!" I flintch as the device's screen lights up, and unleashes a loud screeching noise.

"... Okay then. Is there an off-"

"DON'T TURN ME OFF! I DON'T WANT TO BE OFF AGAIN! DON'T TURN ME OFF! I DON'T WANT TO-"

"Yeesh! Fine! Just quite down and I won't stuff you off."

...

...

... That actually worked. That actually fracking worked. Okay then. So... Into the bag... You... Go? Okay... You don't mind the bag... Okay then... Yep. Moving on. Time to steal everything else. Yep.

...

...

...

And, that's everything that'll fit into the bag. Yep. So, now the bomb. Yeesh, it took so long to convince the good doctor to make this. Seems he has a massive dislike of weapons or bombs. Still, when I told him I wasn't going to actually use it while anybody was in the building, he seemed a bit more agreeable. Still took a long time to get him-

Beep Beep Beep

Annnndddd that's my cue to vamoose. I activate the tiny little bomb, throw it at a wall, before walking out. Time too leave! Yay!

----
Time: Seven hours and thirty minutes AC(After Crash)
Location: Clinic
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"... Why did I trust you again?" Mina asks, starting at the SWEEPbots, well, sweeping the streets around us.

"... Because you're injured, and you don't want to be injured anymore?"

"Well, I wanna know where Sonic is. I still wanna smash him."

"Don't worry kid, if everything works out, you'll have your chance soon"

"... You're both insane."

"Guilty as charged!"
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A/N: The second part! Woo!

Thanks to my friend Cyril Hendrix over on SB for proofreading this!

Hope you enjoyed, or st least laughed at least once from this whole thing! And, please, if you have them, feel free to ask any questions you have!
 
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